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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to buy a house that doesn't have a spare room?

134 replies

HouseBuyerTurmoil · 04/06/2018 10:25

I've namechanged because I have a few family members on here.

I'm in the process of buying a house. On Saturday I spotted a lovely house online which I am viewing tomorrow. I told my mum about it and sent her the link.

Her first reaction was "It's only two bedroom, where are me and your dad going to sleep when we come?".

I told her it wasn't a done deal but if we did get the house, they'd have to stay in a hotel or rental.

She wasn't happy at all about this and told me I had to have a spare room for guests and I was being selfish for even considering a house without one.

My parent only visit once a year. DP's parents visit twice or three times a year, which means our current spare room gets used for about ten nights every year. We live in a very touristy city and we're about a mile from the city centre so there are hotels and guest houses very close to us.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but when I told my sister about it she sort of sided with my mum. She didn't say my mum was right but she said it was "off" to buy a house that has no room for guests.

In this area, three bedroom houses are about £40,000 more expensive than two bedroom ones. We could afford this but obviously it means longer on the mortgage and also means having a room which isn't used but needs cleaning Plus, the two bedroom house we've seen is perfect for us.

So, am I missing something here? Am I being massively unreasonable?

OP posts:

NWQM · 04/06/2018 11:32

You don’t say why you are moving. It sounds as if you are staying in the same area and reasons aren’t financial. Do your family know why? Could they be taking the change - 3 to 2 bedroom - as being pointed?

Ragwort · 04/06/2018 11:34

Buy the house that suits you ! (although personally I would always want a spare bed for the occasions when I didn't want to share a bed with DH - but that's a separate issue and may not affect you ).

We've been lucky enough to always been able to afford houses with 'spare' rooms but agree it is a total luxury.

I much prefer to go to a hotel or B & B when visiting family/friends, it can be a bit awkward sharing a house & I would never 'expect' my adult children or other relatives to stay with me.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 04/06/2018 11:35

If the house is perfect and big enough for your needs, then don't saddle yourself with a larger mortgage just to provide a room for guests for 10 days a year. £40k extra on the mortgage just to provide a room for guests a few times a year is mad. It would be much cheaper for you to just pay for accommodation for your guests and they might prefer staying in a hotel/B&B with ensuite facilities.

BarbarianMum · 04/06/2018 11:35

You don't have to have a spare room, or give up your bed, or provide a sofa bed for guests. Just don't bleat when no-one comes to visit and don't be surprised if friend/family duck out of hosting you in future. Basically you're putting up a big "we don't want to see you" sign.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/06/2018 11:35

Oh yes, then extra council tax, heating, cleaning, on top of the mortgage interest and/or extended length of mortgage.

PolkaHots · 04/06/2018 11:35

Fine to buy a 2 bed house and an air bed. Not fine to suggest staying in a hotel.

StealthNinjaMum · 04/06/2018 11:36

It is none of her business but I think she's from a generation where you got the maximum mortgage you could afford with the expectation that your property will increase in value and you'll make more. Plus, these days, the cost of moving (stamp duty, solicitors, estate agents) is so high you have to be completely sure that the move your making really will last a long time (no getting pregnant accidentally etc)

It is entirely up to you. It sounds like she's being selfish, thinking of her convenience and it must be annoying to have your sister questioning it too although personally I would go for a bigger place if I could afford it.

Grasias · 04/06/2018 11:36

There is no such thing as a "spare" room or too many rooms. A room can be used as a bedroom / dining room / study/ second sitting room and so on.
Our house has four bedrooms but before DC I used one as an office and one as a dressing room. I used the "study" as a sitting room and the dining room as a games room.
So while I wouldn't buy a bigger house to accommodate guests I'd do it for the space for me.

Original poster

HouseBuyerTurmoil · 04/06/2018 11:39

A sofa bed is an excellent suggestion but we've not long bought a new sofa that isn't a sofa bed

It's a Victorian terrace so only room for one three-seater sofa in the living room (so I can't just buy another sofa).

We're moving to be closer to the train station for DP's work. So it's the same city but we're moving about three miles down the road.

OP posts:

Original poster

HouseBuyerTurmoil · 04/06/2018 11:42

@Grasias I get what you're saying but at the moment we have three bedrooms and one of them only has our spare bed which is used a few times a year and our Christmas decorations in there.
We also have a "snug" type room off our living room which is completely empty. We just don't have enough stuff to fill these rooms yet they still need heating and cleaning so, for me, they are a waste of space.

OP posts:

specialsubject · 04/06/2018 11:44

the answer to her question is 'in the Travelodge'. Even if you pay for it you'll still be spending a lot less.

also works much better as people get older and keep different hours.

your family are foolish princesses. Ignore.

RedPony1 · 04/06/2018 11:45

You give them your bed, you sleep in the lounge. That's the polite thing to do when you have guests and no spare room. Unless you're going to cough up for the hotel

Sod that! If people want to visit me and i have no spare room, then they stay in a hotel. I'm not giving my bed up for anybody!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/06/2018 11:50

We don’t have a spare room because we can’t afford it. When my parents come to stay they get our room (cos my old mum and dad need a proper bed), other guests are offered a sofa bed. We do have a hotel close by so visitors who want more privacy sometimes opt to stay there. In the end, unless someone else is paying for your mortgage, they have no right to dictate your living space.

MismatchedPJs · 04/06/2018 11:52

It's a generational thing to a degree I think. Like PPs, a guest room was always prioritised over children's rooms by my parents, and they have never quite shaken the belief that a high mortgage is only high for a couple of years before inflation basically makes it go away.

IMO it is utterly bonkers to pay so much for such an underused room. Promise your mum you will put her up in a nearby hotel, stick to your guns, and best of luck with your fantastic new home.

ShatnersWig · 04/06/2018 11:55

Kirstie and Phil always say you buy a house for YOUR needs and not anyone else's and that visitors book a B&B or hotel unless you have a sofa bed in the lounge. Why pay many, many thousands more to have a room that gets used a couple of times a year? Madness.

I am single so I bought a one-bed flat but bought two matching sofa beds for the lounge. They've only been used about 10 times in 7 years. Far more sensible than my buying a two-bed flat.

BewareOfDragons · 04/06/2018 11:58

To hell with that!

Tell your parents that a 3 bedroom property in the area will cost an extra £40-50k, and you're not paying that so people can holiday with you for 10 nights a year UNLESS your parents are offering to GIFT you that sum so you can buy a bigger property. Otherwise, they'll have to do what everyone else does in life and find a guest room nearby.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 04/06/2018 12:00

I think a house without room for guests is perfect!

bigKiteFlying · 04/06/2018 12:00

IL had similar expectations - one room for their use expect they wanted us to buy a two bed not three bed - so the four of us could have one bed room and we wouldn’t have our much wanted third child.

So we’d be paying a huge amount for room we weren’t supposed to use . I think it was becuase prior to this us renting and kids not be old enough for own room we'd always had a spare room for them and they weren't thinking of children getting older as we were.

We got three bed but kids room had cots and we were co-sleeping and bf large part of night so giving up our bed not an option.

Did air bed in living room for them - MIL kept encouraging kids to break it – though strongly suspect she did most of the damage- kept buying more. In end IL were causing us a lot of issues generally so DH asked them to stay in nearby B & B. This seem to work for everyone for a few years as they could keep late hours and go out to local pubs and not cause loads of distrubance coming back late and loud - plus they got to sleep in not get up with larks and our kids.

Since moved have two reception rooms they now stop on sofa bed in quieter room. They seem very happy with that now they keep earlier hours and go out less and our kids who still get up early and go into other rooms and not distrub them as they get up on school days.

MrsKoala · 04/06/2018 12:02

You should buy the house you want but not expect anyone to visit if they have to stay in a hotel and pay for it themselves.

My parents don't visit my sister because they'd have to stay in a hotel. My sister doesn't visit them because she hates their dog. So they don't see each other much. My house appears to be a once a year rendezvous point.

ColonelCakes · 04/06/2018 12:03

A Murphy bed in your spare room would be utterly ideal. Your therapy room is sure to be a lovely calming environment and with a fold down wall bed you get the best of both worlds! My in laws have one with a really comfy king size mattress on it and it’s great. They got a carpenter to build cupboards around it and fake cupboards on the actual bed bit.

Missingstreetlife · 04/06/2018 12:03

Nice to have a spare room if one of you is ill, not sleeping well, watches tv in bed, working shifts, cross.....
If you don't think so, or can use the second room at a pinch no problem. It's up to you.

Chinnyreckoning · 04/06/2018 12:03

We used to have 2 spares rooms in that we bought a 3 bed. Then we had a child... one spare room... then another... no spare room. Our only visitors are our parents... maybe 2/3 times a year. No way can w upgrade to a 4 bed as its an extra 100k so they stay in a hotel. No problems.

Ifailed · 04/06/2018 12:03

It's these kinds of threads that makes we realise that MN is some kind of parallel universe. I never lived in a house with a 'spare room', nor do I know anyone who has one, the idea of putting a family's finances under even more strain, just for the benefit of the odd visitor, is bonkers.

ADayAlwaysHasToEnd · 04/06/2018 12:05

I wouldn't pay extra for a spare room that's used for only 10 days a year. In my experience spare rooms seems to be magnets for clutter.
Are they just being moody that they want to visit you more as you mention you live in a tourist city and this has scuppered those plans

Blobby10 · 04/06/2018 12:06

Have never had a spare room for guests - however when married, both sets of parents lived locally ! And we weren't social people with friends visiting from far flung places so it never arose

Now I'm single and three children have partially left the nest, I do have occasional overnight visits from friends who just sleep in one of the unused beds. I would never turn a child's bedroom into a spare room but if they are only home from uni less than 20 nights a year then yes, they have been asked and are in agreement that their bed should/could be used for visitors.

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