...to buy a house that doesn't have a spare room?

[HouseBuyerTurmoil]

I've namechanged because I have a few family members on here.

I'm in the process of buying a house. On Saturday I spotted a lovely house online which I am viewing tomorrow. I told my mum about it and sent her the link.

Her first reaction was "It's only two bedroom, where are me and your dad going to sleep when we come?".

I told her it wasn't a done deal but if we did get the house, they'd have to stay in a hotel or rental.

She wasn't happy at all about this and told me I had to have a spare room for guests and I was being selfish for even considering a house without one.

My parent only visit once a year. DP's parents visit twice or three times a year, which means our current spare room gets used for about ten nights every year. We live in a very touristy city and we're about a mile from the city centre so there are hotels and guest houses very close to us.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but when I told my sister about it she sort of sided with my mum. She didn't say my mum was right but she said it was "off" to buy a house that has no room for guests.

In this area, three bedroom houses are about £40,000 more expensive than two bedroom ones. We could afford this but obviously it means longer on the mortgage and also means having a room which isn't used but needs cleaning Plus, the two bedroom house we've seen is perfect for us.

So, am I missing something here? Am I being massively unreasonable?

YANBU. A cosy two bed house that is perfect for you and has no room for guests sounds like a dream!
They might even grow to like staying in a hotel.

Also, I’m with your dp. The idea of someone else sleeping in MY bed freaks me out. I blame Goldilocks.

Ha ha I got this attitude from my mum when we bought a family house. "Why didn't you get a house with a spare room, for me?"

Errrrrr because it took ages to find a house we could afford with enough bedrooms for the people who'll actually live there?

Guests always stayed in the front room on a comfy sofa bed and they have the option of a hotel if they prefer.

I think the older generation often don't understand how expensive houses are and that a spare room isn't just a given.

YANBU! When we lived in a city, our spare room was always full of guests overstaying their welcome! We no longer have a spare room. A good quality air bed or sofa bed is the answer. Our Rels usually stay in local airbnbs when they visit.

Would you be able to do a loft conversion? Not immediately, of course. It would add value to your property, but you still get the house that you want.

I wouldn't get a 3 bed if I'd found a perfect 2 bed. We have kids, and we bought a 2 bed, because it had nice sized rooms, and pretty much every 3 bed had 3 pokey rooms (or 2 OK, and one 'nursery')

Buy what suits your life, and get a murphy or pull out bed for the living room.

Growing up, and now I'm an adult, people staying always used an airbed - and that's before the really good ones were even available. I think it's fine.

@ImPreCis We could but we absolutely wouldn't.

You should buy the house you want but not expect anyone to visit if they have to stay in a hotel and pay for it themselves.

That's a good point. My IL were well enough off and once they tried B & B happy enough staying there it didn't put them off visiting.

My own parents won't travel to see us - it's too much for them - they have two spare rooms and huge downstairs living room but can't put us up - neither can rest of family. Nearest accommodation is 5 miles away so need taxis to and fro - and as five of us need two hotel rooms - it really adds to cost of visiting.

I think your relatives sound a bit cheeky, if I'm honest. The again, we never had a spare room growing up and if we had another child we wouldn't have one here either. I don't see why they can't just stay in a nearby b and b. Expecting someone to host you when you decide to grace them with your presence is rather cheeky, to my mind. I think you are definitely nbu.

I’ve always wanted to buy the most expensive house I could afford. Simply because this gives me more overall space downstairs as the footprint of the house is bigger. The result is that there is a spare room. We aren’t all the same, however, I’ve found as I’ve got older, I do appreciate more space. You may find you grow out of a smaller house in a few years time even if you don’t have kids - which doesn’t sound like they are on the cards. That’s why I would advise you to think long term, not just for now. This doesn’t mean I’m suggesting pandering to your parents wishes as you could easily offer to pay for a hotel for them in lieu of a spare room.

We've never had a spare room!
Either we give up our room, ask DS to move for a night or they sleep on a blow up.
Usually, we give them our room for the comfort and privacy because that's our choice.

bigKite
Why can’t your parents put you all up? 5 of you should fit in 2 spare rooms, shouldn’t they?

Buy the house that you want, not what other people want FFS!!

You are paying the mortgage, not them.

We have 2 spare rooms which hardly ever get used. MIL now can't manage stairs so when she comes to stay we have to bring a bed downstairs anyway.

Your mum sounds like mine - she thought my cousin was selfish for buying a 2 seater car. If only she knew (she has dementia) that I have a 2 seater car now and have taken the back seats out of the other one to put a huge dog cage in for our dogs (who use it nearly every day). Same as houses, buy cars to suit your own needs, not for putting up guests or giving lifts!

Get a sofabed, and a screen and turn your living room into a guest bedroom for visits. If people don't want to do this, they can choose to go to a hotel if they want to!

I had the same thing, but over bathrooms. MIL insisted - to the point of rudeness - that we needed two bathrooms. There are only two of us in the house, and we don't have guests that often. We don't need two loos! What we did need was a bootroom/cloakroom, so we converted the understairs loo to that. If those buying the house in future need a second loo, they can easily put one in. But we're planning on staying here long term, and so we're setting the house up to suit our needs. (I think MIL had FIL's dwindling mobility in mind when she was saying this, but logically, if he can't go upstairs to the loo, then he won't be able to sleep here either, so we will have to arrange alternative accommodation anyway. FIL's mobility issues are also fixable with an op, but he chooses not to have this. I think I would be more sympathetic if they were avoidable).

*unavoidable!

LOL I can't believe anyone has the expectation of you to provide them with a spare room! That's their issue, not yours?!

Have you pointed out to her that a spare bedroom will cost you £40k plus added mortgage?

Is there really nowhere you can put a sofa bed?

Can put explain to your mum that the expense can't be justified, but you'll make sure you still spend as much time with her, whether that involves a hotel or perhaps you commit to 2 weekends a year where you rent a cottage together?

We've never had a spare room. Visitors have our bed while we use the (very comfy) sofa bed.

Why can’t your parents put you all up? 5 of you should fit in 2 spare rooms, shouldn’t they?

They reckon they haven't got room .

I think the answer is they could but don't want to and there is no obvious reason for that.

They want us to do travel in a day - but it would be 8 + hours of travel in one day. They still moan about not seeing enough of the kids though.

I would have a spare room if I could afford one, so much better to have guests contained then have their stuff in the living room I give up my bed for nobody) plus you can always do airbnb if you need some extra income as well!

I've never bought a house with guests in mind, just what we can afford! If I had loads of money to spare I probably would but I think most people buy houses for themselves plus kids.

If they only come so little then I would set up the lounge for them or give them my bedroom.

bigKite
Well they can moan to their hearts content. How odd.

Living in Australia, the guest bedroom is always something to bear in mind as guests are rarely overnighters/weekenders. However my guest bedroom is now a homestay's room. Guests will have to use the sofa bed in the study, perfectly comfortable, with wardrobe space, but a walk from the bathroom.

As for the OP, the very thought of having to jump to others' bizarre expectations.

I have never lived in a house with a spare room. Also, i find it fucking weird to give up YOUR bed, your own room, your private place, for guests. Family have always stayed in hotels when visiting.

Fuck that.