Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to buy a house that doesn't have a spare room?

134 replies

HouseBuyerTurmoil · 04/06/2018 10:25

I've namechanged because I have a few family members on here.

I'm in the process of buying a house. On Saturday I spotted a lovely house online which I am viewing tomorrow. I told my mum about it and sent her the link.

Her first reaction was "It's only two bedroom, where are me and your dad going to sleep when we come?".

I told her it wasn't a done deal but if we did get the house, they'd have to stay in a hotel or rental.

She wasn't happy at all about this and told me I had to have a spare room for guests and I was being selfish for even considering a house without one.

My parent only visit once a year. DP's parents visit twice or three times a year, which means our current spare room gets used for about ten nights every year. We live in a very touristy city and we're about a mile from the city centre so there are hotels and guest houses very close to us.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but when I told my sister about it she sort of sided with my mum. She didn't say my mum was right but she said it was "off" to buy a house that has no room for guests.

In this area, three bedroom houses are about £40,000 more expensive than two bedroom ones. We could afford this but obviously it means longer on the mortgage and also means having a room which isn't used but needs cleaning Grin Plus, the two bedroom house we've seen is perfect for us.

So, am I missing something here? Am I being massively unreasonable?

OP posts:
ProseccoPoppy · 04/06/2018 10:53

I wouldn’t have bought a house without a spare room because we are quite rural so there is more need for visitors to stay and no really local B and B or hotel options. Plus ours is used maybe 20 times a year (not quite every other weekend but certainly more than 1/3), is in addition to an office and it bought us more living space downstairs.

That said I would have hugely resented someone suggesting I had to have one! That is your decision and no one else’s, frankly.

In your circumstances the 2 bed sounds perfectly sensible!

MsSquiz · 04/06/2018 10:53

People are weird about spare rooms!

My MIL keeps asking when we will stay in her "beautiful" spare room as no one has stayed in it yet and they've lived there 2 years... we live in the next street!! Hmm

echt · 04/06/2018 10:54

We usually give up our bedroom and we stay in th hotel next door if we have extra guests

scurryfunge so you pay to have guests???

Original poster
HouseBuyerTurmoil · 04/06/2018 10:57

@MsSquiz Grin That really made me laugh. You should pack up the car as though you're off to rural Canada for three weeks, drive round the corner and stay a week for the truly immersive houseguest experience Grin

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 04/06/2018 10:58

We have a spare room and really do use it, but sometimes we need two rooms to put people up, so the problem is always going to be there no matter how many spare rooms you have! When we need to put extra people up we put an airbed in the dining room, could you do something like that? Or put a double sofabed in your office so they could sleep there?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/06/2018 10:58

What sort of work do you do in your spare room? Do you have guests to stay while you are working?

Would a good quality Murphy bed solve the problem?

ColonelCakes · 04/06/2018 10:59

Is there room for a shepherds hut in the garden?

MsSquiz · 04/06/2018 11:03

@HouseBuyerTurmoil haha! after doing annual trips to Center Parcs with the in laws and knowing how much she loves to wander into our lodge at 7am to see if we are up, I definitely couldn't stay at her house!!

Dancingtothebeat · 04/06/2018 11:04

DP is really funny about giving up our bed for guests. We did this previously in former house (which was one bedroom) and DP went a bit loopy. That's a whole different thread!

That’s kind of an important bit of info. If you expect people to visit you then to tell them that they have to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room or pay for a hotel is a bit rude. Especially with associated food costs/inconvenience.

KingLooieCatz · 04/06/2018 11:06

I was coming on to say sofa bed, end of story. We had a great one from Ikea that was more comfortable than our own bed. But that was before I saw AColonelCakes suggestion, which wins hands down.

MatildaTheCat · 04/06/2018 11:06

Are you sure you won’t miss the space yourself going from 3 bed to 2? Usually that also means reduced living space and most people use their spare room for extra storage/ laundry etc.

If I was only visiting my dc once a year (why?) I would be slightly sad that they’d deliberately chosen a property that excluded me from staying.

happypoobum · 04/06/2018 11:07

YANBU - They sound very forceful.

I would deliberately buy a 2 bed so they had to sleep in a hotel or B&B to be honest. Just say you will pay for them to stay in a nice hotel. It will be much cheaper than paying the extra money for a 3 bed.

Next time don't give people like this information they are likely to use as ammunition.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/06/2018 11:07

Surely if you buy a bigger house it won't just be your mortgage that's more expensive, but you CT too? Why would you pay out more money every month than you need to just in case people might want to come and stay? Unless you can justify needing the room more frequently (ie, if your DP wanted a study too), then why would you?

Does the two bed have a self-contained living room (ie, one you don't have to walk through to get to the front door/kitchen)? Because that makes a very nice spare room, but will also get plenty of use!

cornishstripes · 04/06/2018 11:09

i'm laughing at the idea that guests need a spare room to be maintained - yes it's a nice idea, but we don't have a spare room and it's never put anyone off from staying, sadly!

The downside for you is people will come and stay, and you'll have to have a sofabed - we've had people turn up who've given nary a thought to where they would sleep!

butlerswharf · 04/06/2018 11:17

When we next move I'm purposely not going to buy one with a spare room! I don't want anymore overnight visitors I'd rather pay for a lovely hotel.

Original poster
HouseBuyerTurmoil · 04/06/2018 11:17

I don't think there'd be room for a sofa bed in the second bedroom (I do massage, beauty etc. so have a massage table in the middle of the room.

I like the idea of a shepherds hut though it's a Victorian terrace with a small concrete courtyard so no room unfortunately Grin

@Matildathecat Not at all. At the minute our third bedroom just has our spare bed in it and Christmas decorations because the loft is out-of-action. It's just another bloody room to clean Grin

@happypoobum Thing is, I didn't assume would use it as ammunition. She's usually quite a nice normal person but can be very myopic in her outlook. I didn't assume she'd instantly turn the thing about moving from a three to a two bedroom house into something all about her!

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 04/06/2018 11:18

Your house should be decided on your needs, if you have the means to accommodate others great but overstretching yourself just for this reason especially when there are other options (hotels etc) close by is ridiculous.

We always have to stay in hotels when we visit family as they all have pets (sets off DHs asthma & he can't breathe) except my mum whose house is too small and as she has dementia so staying overnight can cause distress.
If we demanded that the family members get rid of the pets so that we can stay that would be ridiculous as would causing my mum distress just for our convenience.

Nestinghedgehog · 04/06/2018 11:22

When we bought a (our first) house and it had a spare room SIL to be and MIL to be decided that younger SIL to be and her new boyfriend (who we had never met) were moving in over the summer. We were easily commutable to London and it was convenient for them. I wouldn't have minded if DH had asked and suggested it but no SIL And MIL (although I suspect it was in fact SIL) decided.

Now we do not have a spare room (although will have one in term time if DD goes to Uni in September) and DD usually goes on a blow up and the guests get her room.

MidniteScribbler · 04/06/2018 11:25

That’s kind of an important bit of info. If you expect people to visit you then to tell them that they have to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room or pay for a hotel is a bit rude. Especially with associated food costs/inconvenience.

If there's no space, then there's no space. You can't expect people to give up their own bed so you can have accommodation. My bedroom is mine, and my bed is mine. I no longer give up my own bed for guests, they either use what is available, or find somewhere to go. I have a six bedroom house, but three of those bedrooms are occupied by people in their own beds and they shouldn't have to give them up. There is one guest bedroom with a queen sized bed, or they may sleep in the other two rooms on an airmattress. I am a gracious host, will provide you with the best of hosting, food, wine, pool, spa all available. But I will not give up my bed for anyone.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 04/06/2018 11:26

You choose the house you want and suits your needs. I’d buy a comfy sofa bed to go in the living room though, if your DP doesn’t like to give up his bed. If you get something really good quality it will be comfortable as a sofa as well as a bed.

I think it’s difficult to ask guests to pay hotel prices to spend time with you,.

RandomMess · 04/06/2018 11:28

Sofa bed in the lounge for visitors???

Your mum is being bonkers! If you paid for invited guests to stay nearby would still be cheaper than the extra £40k!

Laurel543 · 04/06/2018 11:29

Definitely buy the house that suits you and then invest in a super comfy sofa bed and quality guest linen to make people feel cosy and welcomed. There are some really nice sofa beds out there now. Absolute madness to not buy the house that’s perfect fir you and get a more expensive one with a spare room you’ll hardly use.

I have never offered our bed to guests, or been offered the option of sleeping in someone else’s bedroom. If no spare bedroom, it’s always been the guests who are expected to sleep on the sofa bed/mattress on the floor. I would find it really weird to sleep in a friends bed with all their personal stuff around me and them downstairs Confused

I had no idea that offering your own bed is a done thing and genuinely don’t think it would cross my friends’ minds either.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/06/2018 11:29

I'd be tempted to do the sums and present them with the result - £40k extra, versus a hotel / B&B room for ten nights a year, for ten years say.

So, at £50 a night that's £5k at £100 £10k. So, at face value you'd need to live there for 40-80 years to make a guest room worthwhile. But actually, when you factor in the interest payments on a mortgage, you'd be paying much, much more than the price difference.

I wouldn't actually do that though, as the risk would they'd then expect you to foot their hotel bill every time. (Of course you could offer but you could also not, depending on everyone's circumstances).

The obvious answer is a good sofa bed. Not a cheap, small one, a big, good one.

SlothMama · 04/06/2018 11:29

It's your house not hers, air B&B's are very cheap and would probably work out cheaper than an spare room (which is big enough for a double bed!)
Or get an air bed for them to sleep in the living room ;)

DarlingNikita · 04/06/2018 11:30

It's nuts to get huffy about you not having a spare room for her to use a few nights a year. It's your house, your money, your life. Tell her to stop being silly.