Did you promise to obey your husband?

[peace654]

I had an interesting discussion with my 90 year old nan about the royal wedding. She said she was surprised Meghan didn't promise to obey Harry, and the whole point of marriage is to follow tradition.

I was surprised - she's 90 but always been a feminist for her age at least, she believes in women working outside the home and not putting up with any bullshit. She's always pushed me to be strong and independent. She's not religious either. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage too!

I've only been to a handful of weddings and didn't take much notice of the bows, so I wondered if it was usual for women to promise to obey their husbands nowadays? Do people still do it in order to be traditional?

Ha ha ha ha.

Never been part of a Catholic marriage service, according to our priest.

Church wedding and neither of us said we would obey the other. We are equals.

I asked the minister about it when my ex-husband and I were planning to marry. He said it was very much an opt-in thing and he could only remember being asked to include it once.

I’ve been at two weddings where it was included. It raises eyebrows. At one of them the vicar did a little address about how it wasn’t regressive and sexist, it just meant that the wife didn’t need to worry about things, she could leave it all to her husband! I wanted to just tell him to stop digging, he was making it more offensive with every word he said!

Nope - we both promised to 'love, honour and be faithful' to each other

Went to an Anglican wedding back in 2002 where the groom had demanded that ‘obey’ be included. He’d also made a fuss about not having the female vicar perform the marriage. On the day the male stand-in was ‘suddenly’ unavailable and the female vicar ‘forgot’ to change cherish to obey. In terribly British fashion, the groom said nothing but silently fumed about it.

Groom’s parents did the Ephesians 5 reading about ‘wives, submit to your husbands’. It was fascinating to see the looks on the faces of the elderly couple in front of us. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she looked at him with a face which said “not bloody likely”.

No but the vicar doing the service asked us to consider it, he said it helped relationships if someone had the casting vote...I didn't actually laugh. I think. This was 2002!

No, neither of us used that wording because it simply isn't who we are. No disrespect intended towards anyone who did, it just wasn't right for us.

I had it removed for my weddings

2004 and 2017

I had a religious ceremony and no I didn't promise to obey.

We had a very traditional church wedding but I didn't promise to obey. And I made a speech at the wedding breakfast.

No, it wasn't even an option for us at a Catholic wedding. I don't think they have it at RC churches.

I wouldn't have promised it anyway!

Church wedding and neither of us said we would obey the other. We are equals.

You may as well have said we both like cheese as “ we are equals” both irrelevant.

we promised to love cherish and keep.
In sickness and in health, for better for worse, and have stuck to these throughout our marriage.
I don't think people care about vows now or there wouldn't be so many divorces.
I know people who can't remember what their vows were, some who wrote their own too.
They obviously meant every word

“I approached it with the thinking that if I ever have to make life or death decisions for him, that I will act in his best interests and according to his wishes rather than my own.”

In which case I assume it was also added to the man’s vows too

You may as well have said we both like cheese as “ we are equals” both irrelevant.
Eh?
I don't get your comparison.
When a woman is expected to vow to obey her husband that is not an equal relationship to me. If others wish to vow to obey their husband then that's up to them, but DH and I felt strongly that a woman vowing to obey places her below her husband.
We couldn't think of a single situation where 'obey' would be relevant to us. If DH does something I want / I do something he wants, it's because we have thought about it and agreed. I won't be doing anything my DH tells me to because of a vow to do as I'm told.

Nope... (not married yet but this year).
Our lovely female vicar asked ""so are you going to "obey""
I said "nope, and I'm not wearing a veil or being "given away" either".
She said "ok then" (with a smirk)

I hate the idea that ‘someone has to have the casting vote’. A marriage is a partnership, and each person brings something unique to it.

I might be heard to say “We are not buying that camera. It is shit”. I expect DH to obey, as I am the family ‘authority’ on cameras.

DH may say “We are not having that car. It is shit”. I obey. He knows a hell of a lot more about cars than I do.

I would never agree to obey just because...

clivey
With you on the given away bit. I think we had something like 'who presents this woman...'

Haha, nope.

But DH and I eschewed a lot more of the symbolism in wedding ceremonies as many are vestigates of women being property. That included men proposing, asking permission, engagement rings, ring exchange, giving away et al, white dresses, first look/unveiling, use of Mrs, adopting husband's name.

Members of our families were bewildered, and it's not for everyone . But to us, marriage is a legal protection and all the rest is our continued mutually respectful, loving partnership.

Yeah my dad really wants to walk me down the aisle, so he can if it's that important to him, but I'm not property lol! (also there's a good chance I'll trip)
fwiw he keeps going on about how "traditional" he is, and I'm resisting the temptation to point out that the "tradition" is that bride's parents pay for the whole thing!

We got married 4 years ago and I purposely omitted it from the vows given by the registry office when writing the ceremony. On the day the registrar read it out and I just didn't say it.
Caused a few raised eyebrows mostly DH family but i said from the get go I wasn't saying it so I didn't.

No I didn't say obey, in 2012. The vicar raised an eyebrow, but then he was a bit odd tbh. I made a joke about only having pet hamsters instead of children and he said if that were the case we would have to have a serious chat with us about why this marriage was taking place.

I think I might have said love, honour and respect or maybe cherish. Can't really remember.

No way! That was 26 years ago at a very traditional church wedding. Never, ever promise to obey anyone. Maybe the police

It always surprises me that Laura ingalls wilder didn't say it - and in no way was her HTB expecting her to. Was America more enlightened than the uk?