Did you promise to obey your husband?

[peace654]

I had an interesting discussion with my 90 year old nan about the royal wedding. She said she was surprised Meghan didn't promise to obey Harry, and the whole point of marriage is to follow tradition.

I was surprised - she's 90 but always been a feminist for her age at least, she believes in women working outside the home and not putting up with any bullshit. She's always pushed me to be strong and independent. She's not religious either. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage too!

I've only been to a handful of weddings and didn't take much notice of the bows, so I wondered if it was usual for women to promise to obey their husbands nowadays? Do people still do it in order to be traditional?

Diana did not vow to obey Charles. But Fergie vowed to obey andrew. That's when I realised Fergie was a bit away with the fairies.

I got married last week, can't remember the vows I made but obey was not one them.

I was married in church and didn't say obey. This was over 25 years ago if it helps.

My parents have been married for nearly fifty years and my Mum didn’t promise to obey.

I’ve been married nearly twenty years and certainly didn’t. I think my Mum would have interrupted the ceremony to object if I had!

Have just been to see the Rev to go through the details of our service later this year and the vows in print were"love, honour and cherish", no mention of "obey".

We were given the choice and I didn't.

a friend went to a wedding where both of the couple promised to obey.

I got married in a church in 2012 and don't remember it even being an option.

If I did, I'd have had my fingers crossed....

Way back in the 80s you bet I did not!

Vicar didn't seem to expect it and laughed out loud when now-DH said he wouldn't be marrying me if I had agreed to it!

Though he does still fight the idea that our marriage license cuts both ways

It wasnt in my vows but it wasnt a church wedding... I just said what they told me to say tbf and if theyd told me to say that I wouldve lol!!

I personally thought of it as just a bit of traditional fun. Lots of things about weddings are a bit suss if you think about it... wearing white, wearing a veil.... so saying 'obey' is neither hear nor there in terms of what it represents. At the end of the day its just a bit of fun to have those things there if you want them. I doubt anyone actually 'obeys' their husband as a matter of course, or wears white because they are a virgin etc... its just a ritual that some people like.

No I didn’t and neither did DH agree to obey me!

No, wasn't part of the standard wording of our (very short) magistrate's (non-UK) service.

Nope. Not in our vows, which weren't traditional.

Nope. Definitely not. SIL and her DH did. He's been doing what he's told for about 17 years now.

Perhaps your gran (much like mine) values the tradition and feels it should be preserved even if you have no intention to live by the words - from what you've said she used the traditional words but did not adhere to them in her own marriage!

I wonder if she noticed that William and Kate didn't say it in what was otherwise a very traditional wedding.

No. It was an option in the Catholic service, but I just laughed (and laughed and laughed).

If I get married again, I will make sure he obeys me. If I'd done that the first time around, I would have saved myself so much hassle.

Nope. I wanted to mean every word of my vows which is why I chose to omit that part.
i also chose a non religious ceremony because I don’t have one and didn’t want to make my vows ‘under the eyes’ of a god I don’t believe in.

I think if men vowed to obey women and stuck to it, the world would see a seismic change and we'd all be happier.

Absolutely not! I would be surprised if any of my peers did tbh. He doesn’t tell me what to do... he han suggest or ask, but never tell. I get annoyed when I get letters addressed to Mr and Mrs Hubby’s FirstName Hubbys Surname. It’s definitely a generational thing...only parents or aunties or older. I have my own name thank you very much, in fact I have my own professional qualification. Nothing to do with my (lovely) husband. My mum addressed a Christmas card to me in this way, and I asked that she not do it again please... we are Mr and Mrs joint surname thanks v much.

Harry and Meghan are following his family tradition - Princess Diana didn't promise to obey in 1981!

I did. DH has an illness which is now managed but was severely life limiting when we married. We agreed the only time I would ever have to actually follow through would be if he decided to stop treatment. I could ask him to carry on, but it was his decision.

It wasn’t offered in our vows but wouldn’t have said it.
We had a civil wedding (so registrar, not a vicar), at a hotel in 2014

A relative got married last year. It wasn't discussed, wasn't in the rehearsal then the vicar snuck it in, in the ceremony.

I think the bride was in a state of shock and sort of didn't know what to say and repeated it.

I really wanted to ask the vicar why he'd done it, the odious little toad, but didn't want to cause unpleasantness at someone else's wedding.