Did you promise to obey your husband?

[peace654]

I had an interesting discussion with my 90 year old nan about the royal wedding. She said she was surprised Meghan didn't promise to obey Harry, and the whole point of marriage is to follow tradition.

I was surprised - she's 90 but always been a feminist for her age at least, she believes in women working outside the home and not putting up with any bullshit. She's always pushed me to be strong and independent. She's not religious either. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage too!

I've only been to a handful of weddings and didn't take much notice of the bows, so I wondered if it was usual for women to promise to obey their husbands nowadays? Do people still do it in order to be traditional?

No...two church weddings and two registry office (only 3 husbands though) and first married in 1965. I never promised to obey.

No. I’m not the obedient type.

Married 8 years ago and our female vicar told us she wasn’t including it in the vows as it’s was outdated. She also removed something else. Chattel or something, I can’t remember. She was so so lovely and helped us greatly.

Did I fuck! My Mum just said exactly the same thing when I asked her.

Was married in 1960,the vicar asked me if i wanted it in the service or not,i said no,quite a modern vicar for that time as i think it was usual to have obey in wedding vows

Hahaahaarofl no. No I didn’t. Because I wanted to make vows I was going to keep.

No. We had a church wedding and the vicar specifically asked if we'd prefer 'obey' or 'keep'. Much as I love the traditions of a church wedding, neither of us felt obey was an appropriate one to include.

Yes I did but didn't take it literally. I interpreted it in the context that I trusted DH absolutely and that he would never ask me to do anything unreasonable and our de cision would be negotiated ones. 1991.

We once went to a wedding in North Carolina where the pastor kicked off proceedings with, "The bible says...wives obey your husbands, submit to his authority in all things!" There then followed a long ramble to that effect, but apparently it was all ok really because the bible also states that men must lay down their lives for their wives. . Well they're presumably not going to have to do that more than once are they (if ever)?

We had Catholic wedding and nobody mentioned the "obey" word. But we also had a (brief as possible) Persian ceremony to appease MIL and one of the passages read out (not in English)) was about respecting your husband and his authority, etc. I only found this out later, but I just let it go as nobody mentioned it.

I got married in 2009 and was given the option. I did not promise to obey fuck that shit.

Yes I said it (15 years ago, church service). Had a very interesting chat with our (extremely eccentric) Rector in the pre wedding meeting. On a slightly different subject he said that the ‘forsaking all others’ part would, for example, mean that if the house was on fire you should rescue your husband/wife first before the children! Not sure I completely agree with that but it puts a difference slant on that vow which I think is included in all versions of the vows. Annoyingly I can’t remember what his spin was on the ‘obey’ part, but whatever it was persuaded me...

"Obey" is in the ceremony from the 1662 prayer book, but it was revised out in 2000:

www.churchofengland.org/prayer-and-worship/worship-texts-and-resources/common-worship/marriage#mm093

The minister says to the bridegroom

N, will you take N to be your wife?

Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her,

and, forsaking all others,

be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

He answers

I will.

The minister says to the bride

N, will you take N to be your husband?

Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him,

and, forsaking all others,

be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

She answers

I will.

Obey?

BUAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

No chance! Nor did my mum in 1967. One, just one of my friends promised to obey in 2000ish. You could hear the sharp intake of breath throughout the church when she said it. Her argument was that if he kept his bows about respect, then he'd never ask her to do something she didn't want to!

No. The word obey isn't in RC marriage vows.

I married in 1999 and was given the option....I, of course, chose not to obey

Good Lord No! If Laura Ingalls Wilder didn’t do it in 1885 then I was hardly going to in 2000.

Even when it was in the traditional service you could have it removed.

I got married last year and I did promise to obey. I didn’t approach it with the understanding that I must do as commanded by my husband at every turn like a good little housewife, that would be ridiculous and not my personality at all. I approached it with the thinking that if I ever have to make life or death decisions for him, that I will act in his best interests and according to his wishes rather than my own.

We were given the option of either type of C of E service and we chose the older, traditional one.

C of E, 1985. Vicar asked if we wanted "obey". I said "no" and XH said "yes" in the same breath! Somewhat amused, vicar asked me first why I didn't want it, to which I replied, as others said on this thread, that I would only make vows I intended to keep. He asked XH why he wanted it in, to which he could only say weakly "it's traditional innit?" So "cherish" it was.

Of course some 25 years later when we were in the throes of divorce he tried to say I had promised to obey. Oh No I Didn't.

1983, sorry, lying to you there.

Hell no. And I've never heard it in the weddings I have attended.

I'm amused at the knots some people on here are tying themselves in to attempt to justify including it. It means doing what you are told and has no place in a modern marriage.

Yes, I did. As did my DH. We had it added to his vows rather than taken out of mine.

No. We had the standard Register Office vows, and obedience wasn't part of them.

Yes, very interesting! My husband didn't vow to obey me, hopefully he'll still be able to make any life and death decisions in accordance with my wishes!

Nope, Church of Scotland marriage 18 years ago and that wasn't part of the vows. Can't remember word for word but it wasn't that and I would have changed it if it had been.