Did you promise to obey your husband?

[peace654]

I had an interesting discussion with my 90 year old nan about the royal wedding. She said she was surprised Meghan didn't promise to obey Harry, and the whole point of marriage is to follow tradition.

I was surprised - she's 90 but always been a feminist for her age at least, she believes in women working outside the home and not putting up with any bullshit. She's always pushed me to be strong and independent. She's not religious either. She definitely wore the trousers in her marriage too!

I've only been to a handful of weddings and didn't take much notice of the bows, so I wondered if it was usual for women to promise to obey their husbands nowadays? Do people still do it in order to be traditional?

should add that they definitely changed it pre 1996 to husband and wife rather than man and wife. i'm always expecting to hear 'man' for some reason.

Nope! Traditional C of E wedding in 2009. The minister said he wouldn’t be comfortable including that in wedding vows.

I got married 8 months ago in a very traditional Catholic ceremony. It wasn't part of our vows.

We got married in a registry office so didn't have that. But even if we'd married in a church I would not have said it. Marriage should mean both partners are equal. I will not promise to obey my husband, why should I? I'm his equal partner.

Just remembered, we said cherish....

I'm Catholic and it's never been part of the Catholic vows as far as I'm aware.

A friend of mine wanted to add it to her vows (CofE) and the vicar said no, we don't do that anymore. I would have been embarrassed for her tbh. She was only doing it because she thinks going traditional with these things make you look posh!

I loathe the expression man and wife. It's appalling.

We are both committed Christians and had some long theological discussions about the issue before we got married. I had just about decided I might go along with it, on the understanding that both DH and I were thoroughly committed to talking issues through and trying to make sure we were of one mind, but that I might occasionally give him the "casting vote" if we couldn't agree on something. And that he would take seriously his responsibility to act with integrity and love in all circumstances.

As it turned out, the Church of Scotland vows didn't say "obey" anyway, so all our mental gymnastics were in vain.

Yes, I did. And he promised to cherish me. (I definitely got the better side of that!) The vicar explained to us (and on the day to the congregation) that the two of us are called to love oneanother as Christ loved the Church and died for her. He also said that if DH ever said ‘you promised to obey me’ I could ring the vicar and he’d explain again how it doesn’t work like that. It’s been nearly 20 years, he never has & he’s unlikely to start now.

It’s a personal thing, there’s no right or wrong. I am a feminist, our marriage is egalitarian. We chose to use a form of vows that reminds us of a specific bit of scripture. No biggy.

" She was only doing it because she thinks going traditional with these things make you look posh!"

How pathetic! Diane promised to obey Charles...

No, not having had a lobotomy.

No, I don't 49 years ago. The vicar said it By accident but I didn't repeat it and the whole congregation laughed (and the vicar)

Gods no. Maybe if it was 'promise to think about it if he asks nicely' I would have done.

no i dont think they do it anymore used to in strict religious wedding

My Grandad’s wife is a vicar so she is obviously a devout Christian. They married in a church (after much rigmarole being their second marriage and all) and they created their own vows. It was lovely.

I wouldn’t promise to obey anyone.

Not a chance, married 2001.

The very thought of it makes me feel a bit nauseous. I wasn’t ‘given away’ either. Didn’t like the symbolism of being handed from one man’s keeping into another’s. But then I’m a sentient human being, who, you know, had her own place and job and car and everything when I met dh.

Obey? You have to be joking! I wouldn't like it if DH wanted to obey me either!

My (now ex-) husband and I discussed this with the vicar (C of E) as we had no problem with it, as long as he could also include the line. we were perfectly prepared to obey each other, as part of our commitment to each other. However, it turned out that this was not an option: it simply wasn't possible for my DH to obey me!

On that basis, we cut it out!

Registry office wedding in 1998, no obedience in sight. Been to a lot of weddings since and not an obey amongst the lot of them. Quite right too. Marriage should be a partnership of equals.

Gosh no! It would've been an outright lie. We had two ceremonies one here and one in devoutly Catholic Mexico, obeying anyone was never even mentioned as an option.

No! The idea is ludicrous.

No and never been to a wedding that included it (including v religious and traditional)

Nope wasn’t in our vows, I specifically remember in my husbands vows he promised to bait my hook and take the fish off for me.. so I don’t think we were traditional in any sense!

Gosh no