DD2 wants to have DD1s car

[Unsurehere]

A few years ago, we were very well off and my DD got a £5000 car for her birthday, insurance paid and all driving lessons paid for. DD1 still has the car, uses it regularly get to work and is now 20. In September she is heading to university, but it’s a very rural university and DD has saved up around £4000 this year to allow her to take her car with her. Her car will allow her to work, socialise and come home and see us and her boyfriend more often.

Now, I am not with their father and income is much lower. We have an issue that DD2 is coming up to passing her driving test and due to our financial situation being pretty bad, the most I can do in the way of a car is a £500 run around and paying some of the insurance.

DD2 has demanded that as DD1 will be at uni, she doesn’t need the car and therefore DD2 should be allowed it. She attends the local college and doesn’t want to get the bus. DD1 has cared for the car and it’s still a very nice, well looked after car, worth quite maybe £3500 now. So much nicer than the £500 car I can offer DD2.

However, DD1 has had the car for three years now, it’s HER car, she pays all the bills for the car, upkeep, etc...

DD2 is also very demanding and spoilt, despite us not giving her everything in demand. She’s worked since she was 16, has had ample opportunity to save up something towards a car, yet she hasn’t.

DD1 has also saved very diligently and is very keen on taking the car to university. Like I said, it’s rural and she will benefit from having it.

I understand it’s not nice for DD2 to not get the same privileges as DD1, however I’ve still offered to pay majority of car insurance despite the fact we don’t have a lot of money. Our financial situation has changed a lot and she knows this.

AIBU to think that DD1 should be allowed to keep HER car and that DD2 shouldn’t be expecting it?

Sharing isn’t an option due to distance, and their schedules would clash too much to even consider it!

The poster on Page 1 that referred to the £80 a month SEAT had a good solution I
thought.

And what happens if the DD crashes / damages it?

When I was young my parents weren't in a position to pay for a car or driving lessons for me . A couple of years later they could for my sister. I didn't feel at all resentful I was pleased for her.

I think that's a different situation, though. I just can't help feeling sorry for DD2 who's very demanding and spoilt, despite us not giving her everything in demand.

Where parents and children are involved, money = love. DD2 has seen her sister driving around in a nice car for several years, now she's being told she's getting a rust-bucket. Neither of my DDs got cars or driving lessons, so the problem just didn't arise. But I wouldn't have blamed my younger daughter if the older one got something lovely, and she was told there was no money there for her, and she was upset.

What about if you club together as much money with your ex? Your dd1&2 could both ask him for money and your dd1 could point out she wants her sister to benefit too. Maybe that would be more effective and they’ll also be working together. You also could perhaps ask dd1 to lend you some of the money she’s saved for university. Find out exactly when she’s going to need what and work out how much you could borrow and guarantee paying her back.

You also could perhaps ask dd1 to lend you some of the money she’s saved for university.

WTAF

DD1 has worked and saved hard (DD2 hasn’t saved a penny) so she can be self sufficient @ uni, and you think she should lend some of this so her sister can get a fancy car, because she’s not happy with a cheap one?!

Wow.

The OP has said shes only get some lessons and a small amount towards to insurance

a £500 is not worth buying as not only will the insurnce be higher it will cost more in the short to long term to maintain (as you within the first year you will be lucky not to have to spend 1000 to repair it).

If you have a car why dont you give her your car and YOU buy yourself a £500 and you pay for the insurnce and all the lessons.

Its like inhertance no one would be happy if 1 sibling inherteted 100k from their parents and the other sibling only get 10k.

OP, I feel for you. It’s a crap situation and one you didn’t anticipate.

I can’t solve the car problem but try to think of it this way. DD2 is still half a child. She had lots of lovely things when you were wealthy and had come to expect nice things. She’s not an adult doing financial planning like her 20 year old sister, she’s a kid who’s idea of spending money is on a wand.

I’m not calling her spoilt, but I think she’s just not connected the dots about the finances and feels this as a huge unfairness.

Try not to compare her maturity to her older sister. They’re different ages and different people. Try to understand where she’s coming from. Maybe tell her you feel like shit too.

The poster on Page 1 that referred to the £80 a month SEAT had a good solution I
thought.

But it’s not a flyer because if OP’s credit I later realised.

If you have a car why dont you give her your car and YOU buy yourself a £500 and you pay for the insurnce and all the lessons.

What if OP needs the car to drive to the job that’s paying for the £500 car?????

In what way is this like inheritance? There isn't an estate being split up!

I used to wonder how people lost touch with their families, couldn't understand how it happened, but since reading some of the posts on MN I'm now amazed it doesn't happen more often.

Some people on this thread are actually a disgrace. The OP has been clear that her financial position isn't good. It is the opposite of helpful to suggest she buys a car on finance, borrows the money or goes without in order to pay for something her DD wants but doesn't need.

Truly awful.

I'm amazed at the entitlement some people feel they have to their parent's money.

The money is gone! The wine's been spilled, the song's been sung.

That's how it goes sometimes. She's getting lessons, insurance and a car.

I feel sorry for DD2 to be honest.

There is a huge difference to getting a decent 5k car and a £500 banger that’s going to need constant work doing to it. You paid for all dd1 lessons and insurance and your not paying the full amount for DD2 either on top of the 4.5k difference in car value.

You shouldn’t ask dd1 to sale her car as its hers now but to be honest its a massive fuck up. DD2 will remember shes being treated different, shes seen her sibling getting a nice car and shes being left with a shitty car.

I feel sorry for DD2 to be honest.

Me too.
However, she has to understand that circumstances have changed. Life isn’t always fair, and her mum is doing her best.

If she holds a long term grudge then she’s being a brat.

' DD2 will remember shes being treated different, shes seen her sibling getting a nice car and shes being left with a shitty car.'

Wow, how spiteful. NO ONE wanted to lose all the money. That's the only reason this happened. It's not deliberate. Their dad cocked up and they lost all the money and can't get credit. It is really that hard for even a late adolescent to comprehend. It's not a personal slight, it's changed financial circumstances.

to be honest its a massive fuck up.

So what do you suggest the op should do, or should have done, differently?

I feel sorry for DD1. She probably feels guilty about her sisters situation, but she has put money in to HER car and should not be made to feel like she has to give it up.

Life isn't fair and rarely equal. DD2 will have to get over it.

backinthatdress so what would you suggest? the op doesn't have the money. All she can do is empathise with dd2. Life isn't always fair, circumstances change. It is unfair on dd2 and she can be upset but she can't blame the op or dd1. she just has to get on with it.

You shouldn’t ask dd1 to sale her car as its hers now but to be honest its a massive fuck up. DD2 will remember shes being treated different, shes seen her sibling getting a nice car and shes being left with a shitty car.

A 'shitty' car? Better than no car. Honestly, some people don't know how to show gratitude. I imagine this £500 plus the cost of insurance is worth more to the OP now she is struggling, than the more expensive care was when she was well-off. She is making more of a sacrifice to get her DD what she wants. Any child of mine who used the word 'shitty' to talk about a gift would be getting the bus.

quin - when buying one daughter a 5k car she should of put the money away for the other daughter at the same time. yes life changes but she would of had that money then.

id never by my daughter a 5k car and then give her brother £500!

id make sure id had the money for both of them when deciding to give a large amount.

No a shitty car is not better then no car. A shitty car will break down alot and cost alot of money to repair so unless the OP can magic up money to pipe into the "gift" car she might aswell just burn the money cheap cars are cheap of a reason....

Once you factor in the increased cost of insurance, increased cost of fuel (older car are less fuel efficant) and the costs of the very very likely repair costs a consertivte estimate would be 1k to pay for repairs a year.

I'd love my DBs car - it's a Merc! It's his car tho.
Life's not fair. That's the valuable life-lesson here.