To not allow my 11 yo DD to stay at Mixed sleepover

[GreenJanine]

Year 6, best friend, but boys and girls invited they are only 11 and all sleeping in a tent overnight.

Others are allowed but AIBU?

Not a chance, why would the parents even allow this??

I have no problem with this and I am allowing it, in two weeks.

Just realising DD has already had at least three ‘mixed sex’ sleepovers this year.

We just call them sleepovers though.

Of course I wouldn't. Boys are simply small men and we can't ever trust men. Ever!

This is a drug-fueled orgy waiting to happen.

Alternatively, it's sad that some of you can even think that 'female only spaces' are needed for 11 year olds. You are producing young adults who struggle to cope in the real world. They'll get to uni and need trigger warnings before lectures ... oh, wait!

Not sure!!!

The great news is that no child has elder siblings; all children develop and mature at exactly the same rate; all children have identical knowledge about sex, drugs and alcohol, that is, none; all parents have exactly the same rules; all children do not get giddy and have excellent judgment......no, wait.
Op, not a chance.

We do live in quite a nice leafy suburb but surely 99% of 11 year olds are just normal kids, not feral youths?

Good for you, I live in the 7th wealthiest town in the U.K.. it doesn't mean I have my eyes closed. Most 11 yo's are normal kids, but there's always some that aren't for whatever reason.

Lol. Mine doesn’t go to parties! He doesn’t even want to go to his y6 leavers’ party because he thinks it’s “weird”. They go to the cinema. And to football. And sometimes to Nando’s if they are feeling bold. And there are always adults around. And believe me, I’d notice if my booze went missing.

I have been thinking about this and I think if my son had wanted his girl friend to come to his sleepover, I’d have swapped rooms round so she could sleep by herself if she wanted. But mostly because boys are smelly (well, mine are).

The older sibling issue applies to mixed or single sex sleepovers surely?!

Nobody has ever sneaked drugs or alcohol into another person's home . Op said it wasn't just a couple of best pals that happen to be a boy and a girl aged 11. There will be other kids.

doomRaider

Nope we raised 6 well adjusted and great kids but I think at 11 mixed sleepovers are innapropriate.

No I don’t think all 11 year olds are drunken horney porn watching weirdos but unfortunately they are easily influenced immature and vulnerable all of which is a bad combination.

Mixes sleepovers and small gatherings at 16? Fine. by then most teens, not all, have gained in maturity and understanding and of course you have to trust them and allow them to branch out and make their own decisions and inevitable mistakes.

I do think some posters are quite naive.

Kids from nice leafy subburbs usually have houses where alcohol isn’t missed.

The very posh private school in our town had such a terrible drug problem it made the local paper. Richer kids can afford better drugs.

Money has fuck all to do with kids accessing drugs and alcohol or their sexual behaviour. Accept having money helps in that regard

YABU. They’re young and innocent! Some of my best memories are of camping and sleeping out with my little group of mixed boys/girls friends.
At 11, most, if not all, of the boys won’t even have started puberty.

No definitely not. There was a recent police incident at a holiday club my dc went to involving 11 year olds being coerced into sexual activity and this was supervised in the daytime.

If you are worried about alcohol, it’s often the girls who are worse, in my opinion! Surely there will be adults around who cqn reassure you (I haven’t read the thread)

Don't any of you remember being 11?!

I didn't have the slightest interest in boys or sex, but there were some kids who absolutely did. In my recollection, the girls were 'worse'.

Would I be ok with my DC going on a mixed sleep over at that age? It would depend on a lot of factors, and if there were unknowns, the answer would be no.

Of course all our little darlings wouldn't do anything questionable. Other people's kids, on the other hand...

Theyre young and innocent

So are you clearly. Bangs head.

most have not started pubity bith my dds started their periods at 11 and 2 of my lads voices broke at 11 and they were all taller than me

At 11, most, if not all, of the boys won’t even have started puberty.

I remember being felt up by an 11YO boy in the school library, not long after I moved up to my new, much bigger school.

I just meant that my kids go to a quite nice school (with a fairly mixed intake actually) not that we are minor royalty. I don’t really know many 11-year-old girls but definitely the boys I know haven’t hit puberty yet. And like I say, they are supervised most of the time. I leave mine alone but I wouldn’t leave him alone if he had friends round.

I think if they are 11 in y7, that’s perhaps different from being 11 in y6?

@Ohmydayslove

6 children.

Ah!

@KathyBeale but can you really not see that there will be kids and schools different from yours?

*Ohmydayslove

Theyre young and innocent

So are you clearly. Bangs head.

most have not started pubity bith my dds started their periods at 11 and 2 of my lads voices broke at 11 and they were all taller than me*

It’s not innocence, it’s a fact. As part of my profession, I’m aware of the age at which boys start puberty and most have not at 11. We aren’t talking about girls as OPs problem is with there being boys there.

The boys are no more likely to supply alcohol at 11 that the girls are. Makes no difference if they are male.

When I was about 10 I went camping with a friends family - a 10 yo boy. We were really good friends and he seemed like a silly funny boy
However unbeknown to the grown ups we ended up snogging in our sleeping bags initiated from him but I went along with it . However I hated it and had to spend the whole weekend with him and even though it was only a snog I was really freaked out for ages after and felt really ashamed by it all. Both sets of parents had clearly thought we were to young for anything untoward to happen
I wouldn't let my kids go at that age

Those only happy with single-sex sleepovers, what about older siblings? If older brother also has a mate staying over too you probably wouldn't even know about it.

This sleepover thing sounds like a minefield

I wouldn’t allow it op. YANBU. @ThirtyRocks story being a good example of why I don’t think it would be wise.