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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 11 yo DD to stay at Mixed sleepover

227 replies

GreenJanine · 31/05/2018 19:13

Year 6, best friend, but boys and girls invited they are only 11 and all sleeping in a tent overnight.

Others are allowed but AIBU?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 31/05/2018 21:31

Boy mum here (just incase someone thinks I'm a boy hater Grin)

I might consider it if I knew the children and parents very well and thought they were nice kids.
Usually at that age it's the girls that are interested in boys and boys only become interested around a year later. Obviously there are exceptions and peer pressure plays a part in convincing kids to do things they don't actually want to / aren't interested in.
I'd want all phones confiscated at 'bedtime' and parents to check their kids bags for booze.

merlotmummy14 · 31/05/2018 21:35

I stayed in a mixed scout tent age 13 and we didn't get up to anything, it just depends on the kids.

Notthatwomanagain · 31/05/2018 21:40

Nope from me
Two 12 year old boys showed me their penises when I was ten and having a sleep over at my friend’s house (was her brother and his mate) and tried to force me to touch and kiss them and I was hugely upset by it but didn’t feel I could say anything.

I would never put my kids in that situation.

Gooseysgirl · 31/05/2018 21:40

No way.

KathyBeale · 31/05/2018 21:54

I have an 11 year old boy. He had a sleepover for his birthday and was horrified when I suggested he invite his good friend who is a girl. He keeps his boy friends and his girl friend completely separate. I’d not have had a problem if he’d Wanted to invite her though and i’m Sure her mum wouldn’t either.

He has definitely not seen porn, and he freaks out when anyone kisses on the TV. His favourite word is “inappropriate” which he uses about anything remotely sexual (Amanda’s dress on BGT this evening for example). His friends are all the same. Sport and Fortnite are their main interests. Most of them barely acknowledge the girls in their class.

Also, I am a feminist and I am definitely NOT a man hater.

KathyBeale · 31/05/2018 21:54

Also, booze?! Seriously? They are 11!

SuperSuperSuper · 31/05/2018 22:00

I'd prob allow it in Y6 but no later.

kaytee87 · 31/05/2018 22:09

Also, booze?! Seriously? They are 11!

You're very naive if you don't think that some 11yo's drink.

notoriousnames · 31/05/2018 22:13

Y6 residentials- they sleep separately for a reason

KathyBeale · 31/05/2018 22:24

I would be amazed if any of the 11 year olds I know (and I know quite a lot, given my son is 11) drink. Where are they doing this boozing?!

We do live in quite a nice leafy suburb but surely 99% of 11 year olds are just normal kids, not feral youths?

KappaKappa · 31/05/2018 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thehop · 31/05/2018 22:31

No I wouldn’t like it.

Screaminginsideme · 31/05/2018 22:38

You know the kids OP. Is you child comfortable with all of them or are they weary of one or more?

i’ve Slept a mixed group of 10-13 year olds together before. Girls one end boys the other with no issues.

Other kids I wouldn’t do it with.

If my DC’s class were doing one she wouldn’t go as there are some right little gits of both sexes I wouldn’t trust.

My youngest has a best mate of the opposite sex and they always share a room.

You know the kids we don’t.

MsJudgemental · 31/05/2018 23:13

Why are some of you assuming that even if a boy and girl of this age were interested in each other they would be happy to act on it in public?

DS and his friends used to do mixed sleepovers from about 14. Nothing untoward happened. The girl he feventually ell for was not part of this group and they had a couple of gaming sleepovers by themselves before they got together at 16. They have just had their 2nd anniversary.

MsJudgemental · 31/05/2018 23:14

Eventually fell for!

AuditAngel · 31/05/2018 23:16

DD1 is 11, she isn't interested in boys and I would be happy, depending on who else were in the group. DD1 has friends, also in year 6, and some in year 7 that see very giggly about boys (and annoying). That said, I know two girls aged9 who are far ,ore sexualised than my 11 year old, so I think the kids are what matters, rather than their age.

Skiiltan · 31/05/2018 23:18

I wouldn't have had any problem with this when my daughters were 11. My youngest had a mixed sleepover for her 16th. Nobody was going to get up to no good with four other socially awkward 15/16-year-olds in the same room.

Carycach100 · 31/05/2018 23:18

I don't get how 'knowing the kids' as a parent makes a difference.I mean they are not likely to come on to YOU are they?Being a nice kid has nothing to do with it, even nice kids get horny !

DS and his friends used to do mixed sleepovers from about 14. Nothing untoward happened
you think he would tell you?

Ifonlyfor1day · 31/05/2018 23:28

I wouldn't allow it. Is the host insane. It might go ok but if not imagine the consequences.

Ohmydayslove · 31/05/2018 23:35

kathy

We live in a place second only in house prices to London.

I know some 11 year olds who have drunk alcohol including one who had his stomach pumped after a party.

The richer the parents the more likely the house had booze that won’t be missed.

Think on.

Ohmydayslove · 31/05/2018 23:37

nothing untoward happened

Says him Smile

teenagerparent · 31/05/2018 23:39

Depends on the children involved and the parents. My nearly 16 yr old DD still has mixed sleepovers now, the 2 boys that stop have been friends of hers since nursery. Usually about 6-8 of them all crashed out in my front room. Probably more going on with the 2 girls that have decided they are together, but no one would think twice about that as it would be single sex.

Eolian · 31/05/2018 23:40

I'd have allowed it, because I know my dd (13 in August) and I know the kind of kids she's friends with. Hanky panky?! Dd still thinks boys are lame and silly. The thought of yr 6s with alcohol and snogging seems ridiculous to me (and I'm a teacher, soam well acquainted with lots of kids).

elliejjtiny · 31/05/2018 23:46

I wouldn't be any more worried than I would at a single sex sleepover.

WyfOfBathe · 31/05/2018 23:50

Only you know your DD and her friends.

I had mixed sleepovers from 3 to about 12, as my godmother had boys. I'm sure they would have carried on longer if we hadn't moved house. As a teenager, I had groups of male and female friends in my room or in the house without parents there, although I don't remember sleepovers with teenage boys.

I didn't have sex until I was 23 and in a long term relationship. I first tried alcohol when I was 13 or 14, but would never had seen it as a "fun" thing to do when I was 11, and nor would any of my friends.

I'm still friends with both women and men, and I haven't slept with any of the male ones (except DH)! I hate the idea that girls and boys can't be friends.

I know that "bad" things can happen, but they're not common, and they could happen during day time activities anyway.

As long as you don't have any particular worries about DD's friends, I would let her go.

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