To not allow my 11 yo DD to stay at Mixed sleepover

[GreenJanine]

Year 6, best friend, but boys and girls invited they are only 11 and all sleeping in a tent overnight.

Others are allowed but AIBU?

All true. I had awful experiences with family members (plural) as a kid at large sleepovers so I know what can happen - and unfortunately wasn't the kind of kid to tell. Adults were always around to "monitor " but it was never seen. So it's not really paranoia. But equally don't want to be being overly car ful.

One thing I will say- just because your DS has not notice girls yet does not mean other 11 yo boys haven't. Fact.

*for not overly careful I guess I mean a "fun sponge"

You are right 11 year old boys are not the devil. I had 4 aged 11. But some are daft, some are innocent, some far more mature than others and some plain nasty. Just like 11 year old girls really and I had 2 of them.

I'm quite overprotective and have diagnosed GAD and I'd be fine with this. They're 11. I teach 11 year olds and they're more interested in Fortnite and YouTube than "hanky panky". My 10 yo has sleepovers with his best friend of the opposite sex and it's never entered my head!

It’s a bloody rollercoaster op. You decide and cross your fingers. And talk talk talk to them. And listen too of course

Ohmydayslove I like your advice!

ICant generally yes but not all of them are not interested in hanky panky. Just saying

The one who was raped by her 16 year old brother mirrorwriting?

I’m thinking of the one with a 13 year old boyfriend.

I wouldn’t allow it if there wasn’t boys in one tent and girls in the other, and adult supervision from someone trained in child protection, like a guide leader. I have experience in this area, so may sound like a Cassandra but..... did you know

A lot of children are abused by their peers or publically humiliated for not giving blowies etc. why would you put your kids at risk of being in a situation like that? Peer peer child sex abuse is rife.
It’s not strangers / old men in macs in the parks you have to watch out for you know?

Also most kids have smart phones now and the opportunity for someone to film someone when they’re asleep, move their clothes, and commit a crime by putting images of child porn up on social media is too high. That’s a crime and can put a child on the the sex offender’s register.

In short, are you out of your mind?

They’re too young to have any idea about consent, or the implications of consequences if things get out of hand. It only takes one child who’s more dominant to change the whole thing into something like a game of dare, and ends up where the police and child agencies are involved.

You may think that’s an overreaction, but I work in this area and it is all fine until it really, really isn’t. Why take the risk?

If they really want to go, why not go to the house with them, let them have a bonfire / marshmallows or whatever they’re having, and bring them home for 10.

I'd let her go, it sounds brilliant fun. She's only 11. A few years later then no.

We are quite easy going but I wouldn't be keen, and there is no way dh would allow it. I am sure some of the group will be closer to 12 too,

No way Jose!
Some very naïve parents on here!

The youngest mother in Britain was pregnant at 11

So what?

We all know that 11 year olds have the equipment. That doesn't mean they are going to have a mass tenty sex party

Light I’m sorry but I think you are naive if you think that being in two different tents will make any difference. Or having an adult trained in child protection. At some point, the adult will be sleeping too. The children can move form one tent to the next etc etc.

If you are worried about a child being abused, filmed whilst sleeping etc... then you shouldn’t allow any mixed sleepover, two tents or not.

Actually you might well stop any sleep over at all. Because they can still film others kids sleeping and putting them on the wrong type of websites even if it’s only boys or girls together. And let’s not forget that you have no idea of some of those kids arent attracted to others if the same sex anyway... (plenty of teens/young adults also have homosexual experiences too afetrr all)

Imo, they are 11yo. I would decide depending on the children invited, NOT on the fact it’s mixed.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I wouldn't take the risk.

How well do you know the parents and other children going?

DS had a mixed sleepover in year 6, they had a wonderful time but I had known the parents and other children since the children were at playschool together, we all went out for days out together, babysat for each other, kids were in and out of my house all the time etc, so I knew them well and knew they were nice kids, I'm not sure I would have been comfortable with it if it was with people I didn't know so well.

Year 6 - fine. Year 7 - I'd draw the line.

I'm just surprised any of them want to.

IME this age seems to be around the peak age for finding the opposite sex utterly repellent.

I'd let my Y6 DD go tho.

I would be extremely apprehensive.

Is the tent in a secure location?

Are the kids sensible. Or are they easily led and the type to be stupid to impress others?

I would absolutely hate this idea. I might allow it very very grudgingly after tonnes and tonnes of precautions.

11yo boys are generally not the devil, most are lovely. You get the odd one though. And also the odd 11yo girl that is as well.

I remember when I was that age and the majority of kids weren't interested in "hanky panky" but a small number unfortunately were. It is something I know I will struggle with as mine get older. I will want them to have the freedom to enjoy themselves in a fun and innocent way but I was the victim of child on child abuse. I was 11 and he was 12. Like a previous poster has put it it's all fine until it isn't. I now work in an industry where we deal with cases such as this and sadly it's more common than you'd think. Ultimately it's your decision. Do what you feel comfortable with.

I had bad experiences at sleepovers too when I was about that age, (nothing major, just some nasty behaviour). That was all girls though.

I’m really wary of sleepovers for that reason. Adults never know what’s actually happening as they’re usually sound asleep.

So yanbu. But I might be weird.

I wouldn’t allow it if there wasn’t boys in one tent and girls in the other, and adult supervision from someone trained in child protection, like a guide leader.

No offence at all to Guide leaders (I am one) but keeping boys and girls out of each others tents is not actually something you get a lot of experience in through Guide camp, you know with Guides being girls only.

I went to a mixed overnight sleepover through school when I was twelve. I was totally clueless about sex stuff, but some of the other kids sure weren't!

There was a lot of petting, and one 'couple' got caught in the middle of a blow job. Absolute scandal, teachers were nearly fired. They stopped doing the trip after that!

A no from me.