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Original poster

To think the guy I'm chatting to is married??

125 replies

Reallytho · 30/05/2018 22:38

Hello everyone.

First time back to mumsnet for years (New account), I've been lurking for a while now and I just have no one else to ask about this so I thought I'd give you guys a try.
I'll try and keep it short.
I met a guy on line a few months back, he lives in another city (around two hours away) but we chat every day, face time a few days a week and message all day everyday but messages get less from around 7pm onwards and usually even less so over a weekend. All cool I just guessed he was busy with other stuff.
We had also planned to meet each other but then something had happened to his car and he couldn't make it and now a few things just arent adding up.

Anyway, the most recent thing is his phone going off. He's blaming WiFi but you don't need WiFi to call/text, so why not just use text?? We usually use what'sapp and he's taken his profile down and my messages aren't going through so I rang him (nothing usual, we chat everyday, although it's usually him that rings me.. now that I think about it, it's always him that rings me and if I say I'm going to ring him he's always busy with his brother or something.. ) anyway, phone rang but he didnt answer..

Now to the bit where if you're not already thinking I'm pathetic..
Because things have been 'off' recently I decided to Google his name (I know.. )
Well, I came straight to his old Twitter account, read through it a little, it's seven years old btw, and he was talking about the love of his life. By this point I'm thinking, because it's such an old account it'll probably be an old gf.. but he had tagged her name, I clicked on this tag and her name changed to her first name with his second name (the name he tagged must have been her maiden name) and she had a picture of them on their wedding day as her profile picture looking very happy and lovely. Sad
So now I'm wondering, maybe they're divorced??, he's talked a lot about his old girlfriends but never an ex wife, fine, maybe?? Too much? I don't know.. and to be honest if I were her and I had been divorced I wouldn't want to keep my wedding photo up as my profile.. but then again, maybe it's her old account and she hasn't noticed/bothered to take it down??
That OR they're still married Sad

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 30/05/2018 22:49

From what you've said, sounds like he's married. Sorry Flowers.

Explains why he messages you at certain times, why he's having trouble with his phone/meeting up, and why his wife has their wedding photo up Sad.

If you're still in doubt, just simply ask him if he's ever been married during on of your daily chats?

Popc0rn · 30/05/2018 22:50

If he says no then least you'll know for sure that he's a liar.

bumbleboots · 30/05/2018 22:51

sounds like he is married

ziggiestardust · 30/05/2018 22:52

Ask him. Although.... if you’ve been chatting daily for a few months, surely he’d have said ‘I’m divorced’ in one of the conversations. I don’t know, maybe not. Some people find things hard to talk about. It doesn’t sound great from what you’ve described though.

Look, if it is that he’s married; then try not to dwell too much. Far better you find out now, than waste another year of your life being strung along. You deserve better than that.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 30/05/2018 22:53

I just feel in my gut that somethings not quite right, things don't add up, I'm noticing patterns in certain things and now this.

Trust your gut.

lamerde · 30/05/2018 22:54

Ask him and send him a screenshot of his “wife’s” profile picture.

Then tell him that you’ll be contacting her to let her know what a dick she is married to

Fruitcorner123 · 30/05/2018 22:54

can you find his Facebook. Depending on his privacy settings you may be able to find out. At least you can request him as a friend. If he never accepts you that's a sure sign he is hiding something

Puffycat · 30/05/2018 22:55

My first reaction is to trust your gut. It certainly sounds a little ‘off’ tbh.
If you talk that frequently and he was divorced I would have thought he’d have mentioned it particularly as he’s open about past girlfriends.
Why don’t you cool off a bit?
He’s let you down on arrangements and not answering his phone (suspicious) it’s only been a few months and you haven’t even met him, you are unsure about his honesty.
I’d pack it in.

Summerhillsquare · 30/05/2018 22:56

Chatting for 'a few months'?! He's just looking for an ego boost, married or not. Bring chats to a conclusion a bit quicker next time.

jainaproudm · 30/05/2018 22:56

Sounds married - when were her last tweets from? Or her likes? If it's recent, then the account is active, and nobody would leave their profile picture as their ex-husband. However if she hasn't used the account in years then maybe not? It doesn't look great but it's not 100% clinging onto hope that not everyone is an awful cheating bastard

Original poster
Reallytho · 30/05/2018 22:56

Thank you popc0rn Smile
And thank you for being nice about it, I was worried I was going to be told I was being crazy/starkerish. Ha!

It's ok, like I said I'm not too invested in this, not really upset just more shocked and feeling decived. But I'm sad for his wife. Sad he seemed so lovely too and was telling me about how hurt he had been in his past (one year long) relationship. I thought he was so honest and open!

Good idea about asking him if he's ever been married! I don't really know how to confront him about this (if at all) but that will be a good step.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/05/2018 22:58

Sooooo married

PurpleTigerLove · 30/05/2018 22:59

He’s married . Forget about him

ziggiestardust · 30/05/2018 22:59

You’re not being crazy! You’re protecting yourself; I’d have done the same thing.

Original poster
Reallytho · 30/05/2018 23:04

Thanks for all the other replies.
He's not in Facebook and those tweets were around seven years old. Her account is locked so I can't see hers apart from her profile.

It's one of those funny situations where now I'd feel weird asking him out right incase I look crazy but I also really just want to know, so I know.

I know, few months no meet up but we had planned to meet up mid July. Taking it slow was good for me, I don't want to rush into anything, I have a young DD so she's my main priority and I'm really short of free time these days so it was nice to have a guy who seemed to be fine with that and just taking as it came. Rather than getting pissy if I couldn't see him all the time.

Urgh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallytho · 30/05/2018 23:06

Part of me just wants to send him the screen shots and then block him.. Halo

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 30/05/2018 23:08

He’s married

Plus it sounds like he’s blocked you on whatsapp too if your messages aren’t going through. I suspect so she doesn’t see them when you’re together.

Forget about him and just be glad you never met him

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/05/2018 23:19

Well I would DM her and ask if she is his wife as he told you he was single and you dont want to end up being the OW.

Should put the cat amongst the pigeons, why the fuck should he get away with it? You found out he was married but you wont be the first or the last of his daliances, and I bet most of them just took him at his word.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/05/2018 23:20

can you follow them both on Twitter?

He probably is married but I would like to think he deserves a chance to be honest. He could have kept a past marriage a secret for a very personal reason and have been divorced for years.I woukd go with asking him if he's ever been married and see what he replies. You know he has so if he says he hasn't you know he is lying and can do the screen shot thing.

stripycreature · 30/05/2018 23:27

If you have any apps like Instagram on your phone, do a contact search and any account of his may come up (you may have already done this).

Original poster
Reallytho · 30/05/2018 23:30

No he's definitely blocked me in what's app. He removed his pp from it earlier today, i asked him why and he said something about looking for a new picture.. then something about "feeling the need to dissapear for a while" and that being a good way of going about it. I asked him a few times what he meant about that but he didn't answer.. He said he was using his his work then gym WiFi so I had been messaging him all day then it just went off and now my messages are sitting at 1 tick (1 tick no pp means blocked on whatsapp) i think he took his pp down today when i was chatting so it wouldnt be obvious to me when he blocked me later on.. it's just odd because his phones still working so he could just message me via text anyway?? :/

Anyway.... I might have just sent him message telling him what I thought, sent a screen shot then called him a cunt. Yeah...

I can delete those messages now as he hasn't opened them, was I too hasty?? Should I delete them or let the possible scumbag read them when he unblocks me in his way to work in the morning.?

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallytho · 30/05/2018 23:32

See the thing is i dont use social media so i cant search for him unless its stuff that comes up on Google.

OP posts:
Grump1 · 30/05/2018 23:40

Check who lives at his address on the Voter’s Roll.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/05/2018 23:44

You could open a Twitter account just for this. You should be able to follow them both unless they have blocked you which they won't have because they won't know your account exists. Call yourself something he won't recognise and don't include a photo.

I would delete the WhatsApp for now and do a bit more research. That's unless you think he's not worth the bother.

quizqueen · 30/05/2018 23:44

If you know his full name and hers and roughly where he lives then you may be able to find out if they live at the same address through the electoral roll but I think you know in your heart where this is all going.

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