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Original poster

To think the guy I'm chatting to is married??

125 replies

Reallytho · 30/05/2018 22:38

Hello everyone.

First time back to mumsnet for years (New account), I've been lurking for a while now and I just have no one else to ask about this so I thought I'd give you guys a try.
I'll try and keep it short.
I met a guy on line a few months back, he lives in another city (around two hours away) but we chat every day, face time a few days a week and message all day everyday but messages get less from around 7pm onwards and usually even less so over a weekend. All cool I just guessed he was busy with other stuff.
We had also planned to meet each other but then something had happened to his car and he couldn't make it and now a few things just arent adding up.

Anyway, the most recent thing is his phone going off. He's blaming WiFi but you don't need WiFi to call/text, so why not just use text?? We usually use what'sapp and he's taken his profile down and my messages aren't going through so I rang him (nothing usual, we chat everyday, although it's usually him that rings me.. now that I think about it, it's always him that rings me and if I say I'm going to ring him he's always busy with his brother or something.. ) anyway, phone rang but he didnt answer..

Now to the bit where if you're not already thinking I'm pathetic..
Because things have been 'off' recently I decided to Google his name (I know.. )
Well, I came straight to his old Twitter account, read through it a little, it's seven years old btw, and he was talking about the love of his life. By this point I'm thinking, because it's such an old account it'll probably be an old gf.. but he had tagged her name, I clicked on this tag and her name changed to her first name with his second name (the name he tagged must have been her maiden name) and she had a picture of them on their wedding day as her profile picture looking very happy and lovely. Sad
So now I'm wondering, maybe they're divorced??, he's talked a lot about his old girlfriends but never an ex wife, fine, maybe?? Too much? I don't know.. and to be honest if I were her and I had been divorced I wouldn't want to keep my wedding photo up as my profile.. but then again, maybe it's her old account and she hasn't noticed/bothered to take it down??
That OR they're still married Sad

OP posts:
AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 31/05/2018 09:53

Don’t tell his wife. She’s nothing to do with you.

Walk away with your dignity intact.

Orangecake123 · 31/05/2018 09:55

It sounds too "off" for my liking.

BlueJava · 31/05/2018 09:58

Sorry OP, but I reckons he's married. To be brutally honest I'd ghost him. Trust your instincts and you've not actually met him which will help.

Flyingpompom · 31/05/2018 10:02

He's removed his profile picture so that when you screen shot his WhatsApp messages, there's no proof it's him.

KarmaStar · 31/05/2018 10:06

OP,he is married.don't waste your time asking him.move on.

letsdolunch321 · 31/05/2018 10:21

Definitely married and loving all the attention/ego boosting he is getting via phone calls/texting.

Cut your losses, move on to someone who deserves to be talking to you

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 10:26

Ah the poor love, likely his dw doesn't understand him and they have separate bedrooms......
Knob.

crispysausagerolls · 31/05/2018 11:08

Flyingpompom

This gave me shivers! I’d never thought of it but I bet you’re right

Original poster
Reallytho · 31/05/2018 11:08

Please help.

I've just had a look on my friends facebook at her account (the wife) and they are most definitely married and are still together. In fact there's a picture of them together at a wedding I know he went to because he sent me pictures and videos of him there with the same date.

Ive stupidly deleted all my messages because I didn't want to be reading over them but I still have all the pictures, videos and emails he's sent me.

Do I just leave this or let her know?? It was just messaging, maybe he got carried away?? But also, is it the right thing to do?? I don't want to ruin a marriage over something like this.

Help please.

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 31/05/2018 11:13

Leave it & move on

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2018 11:15

I don't want to ruin a marriage over something like this.

That ship has sailed. He has already ruined the marriage with his actions, its just that his poor wife doesnt know yet.

As for sending you videos and pictures of him, at a wedding he was attending with his wife....words fail me. This is not "getting carried away" but planned and deliberate. Think about it, if it was friendly chatting that started to cross a line as these things sometimes do, then you would have known he was married from the word go. Friendly chat includes talking about ones home life, relationships etc and the fact that he never did screams that he never had any intention of telling you.

How did you "mee" him?

MrsPreston11 · 31/05/2018 11:18

You need to tell the poor woman. I'd hate to not know something like this was happening behind my back.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/05/2018 11:18

Sorry, see you already said how you met him.

And yes, you must tell her, I wish someone had told me....

Wildlingofthewest · 31/05/2018 11:31

He’s a fucking snake! He sounds like a total scum bag!
Send all evidence to the wife - tell her you didn’t know he was married and how you came to unearth all of this - screen shot this thread if you need to -
The poor women deserves the truth - he will be doing this with other woman.

SandyY2K · 31/05/2018 11:39

Tell his wife. I'd be grateful if someone told me in her position.

Knowledge is power.

caroline161 · 31/05/2018 11:40

Yep sisterhood solidarity. Tell her

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 11:44

Tell her - if they are ttc for example she should know even more so.

stevesmithsmum · 31/05/2018 11:55

I’m guessing an online game? Got chatting with a team member? It doesn’t matter really.

This guy is a playa. He’ll do it again for sure. In all likelihood he’s having these sorts of chats with several women at the same time.

AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 31/05/2018 11:59

The fact that you are even thinking about telling her says to me you aren’t walking away.

Regardless of their marriage, do you want to be that person? Do you want the guilt and the sleepless nights? You can tell yourself it’s doing ‘the right thing’ but the right thing here is to close it down and move on with your own life.

He may well talk his way out of it. He will certainly minimise it and tell her you wouldn’t leave him alone. Chances are nothing will change for them, and at the end of it all, who are you to make the changes to their lives?

Create drama if that’s your thing. You’ll be the bad guy, not him.

I speak as a woman who was married to a cheater. He would have talked his way out of it. After all, he was the important one in my life, not the other women. Them telling me would t have changed anything. I needed to find out for myself so there was no doubt. You don’t let an inconsequential stranger break your marriage.

Leave it, stay dignified, be better than that.

LiteraryDevil1 · 31/05/2018 12:04

Tell her. What a bastard he is.

Lemonyknickers · 31/05/2018 12:10

I would always want to know if it was my DH. Sooner you know sooner you can get in with your life, not waste another 5+ years then find out .

AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 31/05/2018 12:15

Would you honestly end your marriage if a stranger messaged you and told you your DH had been talking to them online, he’d never met you and there was nothing in it?

You’d perhaps sow a seed of doubt depending on how good he was at talking his way out of it, or, it might not even bother her given they never actually met (and chances are he never intended to).

OP he was was stringing you along, getting his ego boosted. He’s a dick. Move on.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 31/05/2018 12:15

His poor wife, what a dick he is.

MyNameIsNotSteven · 31/05/2018 12:21

I would want to know if it was my DH.

BlooBagoo · 31/05/2018 12:22

You're going to get a mix of reactions for her knowing or not knowing, I really wish someone had told me, but there are some people who would rather not know, especially when there wasn't anything physical and you hadn't even met yet.

I'm glad you found out before you were more invested though, definitely time to ghost him and whether you tell the wife or not is entirely up to you.

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