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Original poster

To think the guy I'm chatting to is married??

125 replies

Reallytho · 30/05/2018 22:38

Hello everyone.

First time back to mumsnet for years (New account), I've been lurking for a while now and I just have no one else to ask about this so I thought I'd give you guys a try.
I'll try and keep it short.
I met a guy on line a few months back, he lives in another city (around two hours away) but we chat every day, face time a few days a week and message all day everyday but messages get less from around 7pm onwards and usually even less so over a weekend. All cool I just guessed he was busy with other stuff.
We had also planned to meet each other but then something had happened to his car and he couldn't make it and now a few things just arent adding up.

Anyway, the most recent thing is his phone going off. He's blaming WiFi but you don't need WiFi to call/text, so why not just use text?? We usually use what'sapp and he's taken his profile down and my messages aren't going through so I rang him (nothing usual, we chat everyday, although it's usually him that rings me.. now that I think about it, it's always him that rings me and if I say I'm going to ring him he's always busy with his brother or something.. ) anyway, phone rang but he didnt answer..

Now to the bit where if you're not already thinking I'm pathetic..
Because things have been 'off' recently I decided to Google his name (I know.. )
Well, I came straight to his old Twitter account, read through it a little, it's seven years old btw, and he was talking about the love of his life. By this point I'm thinking, because it's such an old account it'll probably be an old gf.. but he had tagged her name, I clicked on this tag and her name changed to her first name with his second name (the name he tagged must have been her maiden name) and she had a picture of them on their wedding day as her profile picture looking very happy and lovely. Sad
So now I'm wondering, maybe they're divorced??, he's talked a lot about his old girlfriends but never an ex wife, fine, maybe?? Too much? I don't know.. and to be honest if I were her and I had been divorced I wouldn't want to keep my wedding photo up as my profile.. but then again, maybe it's her old account and she hasn't noticed/bothered to take it down??
That OR they're still married Sad

OP posts:
Oakleygirl · 30/05/2018 23:44

OP, as I understand it, messages sent on WA whilst one is blocked don't go through when unblocked, just disappear into cyberspace....

Cuckooclocks · 30/05/2018 23:46

He’s totally married. Don’t get into this any further. Sounds like he’s had a change of mind and is trying to back away. Don’t contact him again and see if he is still getting in touch as often. Better to avoid this one!

Mousefunky · 30/05/2018 23:49

Ask a friend who has FB to search for them. Most people I know have very old inactive twitter accounts they seriously have forgotten they even have. Twitter is more a celebrity thing imo.

Does all sound incredibly suspicious though, I would trust your gut. He is either deleting the app or blocking you when she is around plus not meeting for ages is a red flag.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 30/05/2018 23:51

You haven’t met him, nothing lost except your pride. He’s a player and yes he sounds married and just wanting attention. Block him and move on, nothing here to gain personally

Original poster
Reallytho · 30/05/2018 23:53

Yeah I found the address and they both have lived there together... he sent me a picture of his house and said he had been there for 6 years.. so they married 7 years ago (latest) and have lived there together at some point.

I'm going to delete those massages, have some fun with this and catch him out in some hilarious fashion instead..might as well.

Thanks for all your responses. I'm off to bed now but I will come back and update tomorrow if anyone's interested.

OP posts:
Wildlingofthewest · 30/05/2018 23:54

He’s very obviously married and playing you for a fool. Delete and block! Stop wasting your time -he’s a scum bag!

crispysausagerolls · 31/05/2018 00:00

Email the wife

Original poster
Reallytho · 31/05/2018 00:11

Oh shit. Yeah she moved in after him. And is still there now (2017-2018 electoral register)
What a scumbag!! Sad
I feel so stupid!!

Ah well no great loss. I'm leaving those messages because I want to know what he's got to say for himself then I'll block him.

Next question. Should I let his wife know??

(I really should be in bed but I'm raging)

OP posts:
Wildlingofthewest · 31/05/2018 00:13

Screen shot the lot and send it all to the wife. I would! He’s probably got multiple women on the go! Fucking bastard

Mytwistedimagination · 31/05/2018 00:27

Yes, please do let the wife know every detail. (Spoken as someone who had to dig for every bit of evidence, and discovered I've been lied to for 19 years. Let her escape this bastard before she wastes any more of her life, please!)

purpleshimmer · 31/05/2018 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mirrorwriting · 31/05/2018 07:25

Go back to page 1 and reread what Summerhillsquare said.

theredjellybean · 31/05/2018 07:34

Biggest reddist flag of all was him saying he needed to disappear for a while.
That's cheaters code for 'wife /husband is suspicious so got to cool it but I will be back'

Yep he is definitely married and she has either seen a message or has become suspicious.

Euphemism · 31/05/2018 07:37

Just so you know, one tick doesn’t mean you’re blocked necessarily. It just means it hasn’t got to his phone. Phone switched off, battery dead would give one tick as well...

Anasnake · 31/05/2018 07:38

You're probably one of several, and definitely not the first. What a dick, tell his wife.

MyUsername200 · 31/05/2018 07:43

The first tell tale sign of someone being married or in a relationship is that they disappear during the evenings and weekends and 'can't chat'. There's always some excuse but ultimately it's because the OH will be around.

kaytee87 · 31/05/2018 07:48

I didn't know you could delete messages on WhatsApp before they've been read? You learn something new in every thread Wink

I was going to say I'm not sure if you should tell his wife as it's only been messages and he's not actually met up with you but actually it's for her to decide where her line is.

Puttingthefootdown · 31/05/2018 07:49

Please let his poor wife know!

Jimdandy · 31/05/2018 07:50

Sorry, it does sound like he’s married. He’s probably just bored and enjoying the messages and attention, but then bottles it when you’re supposed to meet up.
I’d send him one text and say... “I’ve figured it out, you’re married aren’t you?” And then not respond to anything further. You are worth a man of your own.

MozzchopsThirty · 31/05/2018 07:52

Chatting for a few months is a sign something is not right
I can't be arsed chatting for more than a few days then meet up

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 31/05/2018 07:57

I'd be tempted to let her know but you could take the brunt of the backlash so not sure if you should. I'd block and move on.

Ickyockycocky · 31/05/2018 07:59

You are completely wasting your time on this guy. An online thing is meaningless. You really have no clue what he’s really like, or whether he’s married. Ditch and move on.

Pompom42 · 31/05/2018 08:02

Yes I'd text and say I know you're married, then ghost him

MissVanjie · 31/05/2018 08:05

Tell his wife then block him and forget him

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 31/05/2018 08:07

If you haven't physically met yet, then he's never had any intention of that. You've just been a distraction or a bit of entertainment to him, or he did plan on meeting but has backed out and realised it's not worth jeopardizing his marriage for. I wouldn't get so worked up if you've not met yet.