Feeling so guilty! WWYD?

[hawaiii]

Back story is that I'm a SAHM. There are a number of family events happening this year that have put financial constraints on DH & I. I suggested DH & I couldn't attend the family events due to the financial outlay involved but family members have very kindly helped us to be able to afford to go as they've said we need to be there.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling very down about myself and my appearance. I have some wrinkles that are quite bad for my age. They were really affecting my confidence and I didn't want to have my picture taken with my kids anymore. Any picture would be swiftly deleted. The up-shot is, I called a clinic and booked myself in for Botox and decided to put it on a credit card. I had the procedure yesterday but now that I'm seeing results already, I'm completely panicking. I'm seeing family next week who have given us financial help and I really think they'll notice the difference in my face. How am I going to explain the fact I've forked out for this?

If I could turn the clock back, I would never have had the Botox as now I'm completely plagued with guilt over it. I really didn't think this through.

What should I do? I feel like such a fool

PoorYorick seriously? Where did you get it done? In London?

Yes, London.

The botox will have completely worn off pooryorick however the lines will have lessened as you will not have been using those muscles whilst the botox was active. Eventually the lines will be back as they were before which is why most people get regular botox.

If they get as deep as they were before I'll happily do it again. At the moment they're not deep enough to bother me. I've got photos of myself pre Botox and they're much deeper there.

I don't know if it's relevant but around the same time I had a number of other procedures too (skin tag and mole removal - I was a beauty, I tell you) so I don't know if that makes any difference.

Once they are deep, Botox is useless

Botox is to prevent wrinkles/lines and stop deepening.

It can’t do anything with established deep lines and wrinkles other than stop them getting worse, but if they are bad already - no point

Well, my experience was visible lines a couple of years ago, had Botox, lines disappeared, and now nearly two years later they are reappearing but are not as deep as they were.

I'm sure if I were 85, botox would not make me look 25....

Stop being so hard on yourself op. You’re not a cheeky fucker.

I'd be feeling really guilty too. Family didn't pressure you into attending any event but offered to help financially as you are struggling. To then find out you've wasted hundreds on a non essential cosmetic procedure would piss many financial helpers well off.

Not to mention your DH who has to shoulder the financial pressure whilst you don't work and now has debt on a credit card that was for a complete luxury that benefited just one member of the family.

Do not lie. If I had lent you money and you lie dot me then I would be livid.

Family did pressure me into attending in a way. They would not have allowed me to not go. They'd have paid the full cost rather than have us not be there. The problem with that scenario is that, because they are helping, it means I feel a massive guilt about spending anything on myself. For example, we only have one suitcase which is ripped and falling apart. We went to TK Maxx yesterday and bought 2 new suitcases (which we will need for the trip) but now I'm worrying people are going to be criticising us buying new suitcases. I also need some holiday clothes but I'm worried about people seeing me in any new clothes.

So you have money for Botox, clothes and luggage but not for the trip

Just pay them back what they forked out believing you had no money as it's awful you've taken money from them then gone on a spending spree for other stuff. I'd suggest getting a job but somehow get the impression that that's far too much hard work when others will simply fund you.

You could have borrowed luggage, bought a few bits from Primark if truly needed and used the Botox money towards the trip.

How is buying luggage and needing to buy some holiday clothes, a spending spree? What am I supposed to transport my clothes in if I don't have a suitcase? What am I supposed to wear while I'm there? Because I definitely can't wear my usual jeans that I live in. Truth is, I didn't have £1,500 to spend on attending a wedding. I'm still paying over £1,000 to go and I do need to get some stuff for going.

Ignore the hard of thinking.

Family event costing £1500, you said you weren’t going. They pressured you into going by paying some of the £1500, still leaving you £1000 to pay, when you’d rather not spend it on that. They are the cheeky fuckers, not you.

Don’t feel guilty. You’re already spending £1000 to do something THEY expect you to do. You’d have rather spend the £1000 on something else!

Oh ignore the idiots, OP. You've done nothing wrong.

Truth is, I didn't have £1,500 to spend on attending a wedding

Yet you managed to find money for new luggage, clothes and Botox not to mention the complete luxury if not working.

You are taking the piss and you know it hence guilt has kicked in and you are trying to justify it now.

Regardless of money OP, I don't think you actually want to go on this trip you're being forced into. And you know what that's fine to feel that way.

They're basically spending your money for you. Which must feel pretty shitty as an adult.

Have you seen your family since they helped out With money? If not you could just say count it it done before the offered to help

I did/ do want to go. If we had had an extra years notice, I'd have saved enough and been able to go. But I don't really like getting hand outs. I don't like that, because I'm getting a hand out, I now feel like I can't spend a penny on myself or the kids without feeling like everyone will have an opinion on it and that I owe everyone an explanation. It really stresses me out

This is a bizarre situation!
If your family are genuinely making you feel so guilty that as adults you can’t contemplate not attending a hugely expensive wedding, then they sound awful and controlling. Which tbh would personally make me dig my heels in and definitely not go. Anyone planning an expensive wedding abroad (I assume it must be with that price tag) should just accept that people’s circumstances vary and some can’t go

Having agreed to accept the subsidies from family, I think it’s an equally bizarre thing to go and spend money on Botox.
I also wouldn’t be spending loads on a ‘holiday wardrobe’ if finances are tight. Ok you may not want to wear scruffy jeans but you must have other clothes too... what have you worn in recent hot weather?

Your family sounds dreadful from what you say. But so do your spending priorities.

OP, buying clothes and luggage isn't the same as having to fork out for someone else's choice to get married somewhere that costs a fortune.
I wouldn't feel too guilty, you will pay people back.
As for BoxsetsAndPopcorn OP life choice to be a SAHM has nothing to do with this. Are you saying she should go out to work just incase someone she knows decides to get married abroad. I'm sure she would have been quite happy to say, "no sorry we can't afford to go", like OP said family wouldn't allow that and insisted on paying for the trip.

This is very off topic but growing up my mum was emotionally abusive to me and my siblings. She didn't even wash my clothes or anything from when I turned about 12. I'd wear sandals to school in winter and in the pouring rain, she never gave me any money, never bought me deodorant/toiletries/sanity products etc. I had to try to save my lunch money (and she didn't give me much of that either). She used to call me fat and other derogatory terms. I went on to develop eating disorders which I massively struggled with for a long time. I'm better now, and my appearance is so important to me. I don't spend a lot on myself ordinarily, but I make sure I have some clothes I feel good in. I spent a long time feeling embarrassed of myself and I now make sure I never have to feel that way again. I only have 2 summer dresses. I wear these in the hot weather. I don't have any shorts. It's going to be very hot and we're going for a week so I will need some other clothes. I just hate that I can't do anything now without feeling guilty about spending. I want to look and feel good when I go on this holiday. I've had to build my confidence up from nothing and I don't ever want it to go back to where it was.

Dont feel guilty,if you hadnt been pressured to go,you wouldnt have felt the need to look better and have botox,ignore any nasty comments, enjoy your trip

Then make a payment plan and pay it back, simple enough.

Then maybe get your spending priorities in hand, wasting money on cosmetic procedures and pleading poverty don't go hand in hand together.

If nobody is going to notice ...what is the point!!!!
No one gives two fucks about a few wrinkles ... stick a bottle of bubbly on your card instead ... not poison to stick in your face ..
I'd be massively pissed off if I had loaned you money !!