Feeling so guilty! WWYD?

[hawaiii]

Back story is that I'm a SAHM. There are a number of family events happening this year that have put financial constraints on DH & I. I suggested DH & I couldn't attend the family events due to the financial outlay involved but family members have very kindly helped us to be able to afford to go as they've said we need to be there.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling very down about myself and my appearance. I have some wrinkles that are quite bad for my age. They were really affecting my confidence and I didn't want to have my picture taken with my kids anymore. Any picture would be swiftly deleted. The up-shot is, I called a clinic and booked myself in for Botox and decided to put it on a credit card. I had the procedure yesterday but now that I'm seeing results already, I'm completely panicking. I'm seeing family next week who have given us financial help and I really think they'll notice the difference in my face. How am I going to explain the fact I've forked out for this?

If I could turn the clock back, I would never have had the Botox as now I'm completely plagued with guilt over it. I really didn't think this through.

What should I do? I feel like such a fool

The vipers are out in force on this thread, stop beating yourself up OP!
If you thought the same way as those who criticised you should only drink tap water and eat dry bread when you get there to atone for allowing a relative to sub you. I seriously doubt anyone in your family would want that.

Jesus. Ignore the replies from nasty minded posters with no abilities to read a thread properly, ffs

You have done nothing wrong!!!!!
First issue
Your business what you choose to spend your money on. You have written that you have got a 0% card etc etc . not our business as posters to judge your spending other than look at it is happening .

I wish pps could understand that you are not in receipt of loans from them. Family requirung others to attend somewhere shoulder the entire cost, imo. Hold your beautiful head up high at event.
The event and how you feel about it is a whole other issue. I suspect that this occasion is bringing up a lot of feelings for you and as a result you are somehow feeling you don't measure up , in whatever way.
I'm sure you will look lovely. I find a smile is the best way to improve most of our faces, again in a myriad of ways 😁
You have done nothing wrong. Once you start feeling that and not just thinking it then you will no doubt realise that you are letting a lot of speculative thinking about your future coming from the past, and it negatively affect your present. Iyswim
Hope I making sense. Rushing as late for shower.
Don't overthink it.
Keep your expectations low and your mind open to ideas of having fun.
Then go and report back on the Good time (away with your DP/ and or kids

Nobody will notice. Don’t want to be too outing, but a gr

Oops! A group of clients I work with are very pro procedures, and they often delightedly tell me that no one notices their botox( generally their husbands).

People will just ask Why you arent smiling op

Don't mention it. Botox wears off by week 12 for me so maybe the results will have softened by then. If they mention it then you have various excuses such as:

You've been doing facial exercise from YouTube

You won it on social media.

Your friend won it and won for you and her or she gave you her win.

You've switched to moisturising with jojoba oil/ gone soap free/ only use soap/ only Washing with water.

You modelled for someone who's just qualified and needed portfolio pics.

You've switched to sleeping on a satin pillow.

Honestly I could think of loads of excuses but you probably won't need any. Who's going to say "where's your wrinkles gone?"

I never noticed when my mum had it.

The only cf I see here are family expecting op to pay such a large sum to attend a family event. What event is it btw? I would hate to have a large sum tied up in a family event when that money could be better spend else way. It was there choice to have their event they shouldn’t expect guests to spend such large amount to attend the least they could do was subside it but even with that they are asking a lot

Not sure if I've missed it somewhere.... but does your DH know you've had it done ?

There are a few events within a 2 month period, but the most expensive is a family wedding abroad. That's the one we didn't feel we could afford. We felt that if we went, we wouldn't be able to have money available for anything else at all. We'd be on an extremely tight budget for about a year. We explained this to family and that we didn't think we could manage it, so they paid some of our expenses. As I said, I've already paid nearly £1,000. This is the issue with people helping, i now feel guilt about spending anything on myself.

I think you're being way too harsh on yourself. Don't let the guilt get in the way of how great you feel in your new skin; that's just a waste! A pal I trained with is now a cosmetic surgeon and he used loads of us as Guinea pigs when he first started, so free botox is definitely a thing. I agree with others though that you would be best to not mention it. They are probably not going to notice as much as you think they will.

Tell them you're drinking loads of water and don't lose anymore sleep on this

*any more (now I've annoyed myself)

Try and calm yourself down. You don't see results from botox for 7-10 days so it's very unlikely that you are seeing changes yet. I've been having botox for years now and my own mother hasn't noticed. If it's done well people will just think that you are looking well and may comment as such but I've never had anyone ask if I've had botox and friends and family are quite outspoken!
Enjoy your family get togethers. They are obviously in a position to help and want you to be there, I wouldn't feel guilty about that.
Be aware though that botox only lasts 3-6 months so this will be a regular expense for you if you like it

This is a way that you could earn a little pin money when it suits you. The reviews are good. Mystery shopper, handing out vouchers in a supermarket type thing.

www.redwigwam.com/

You should have been former with your family that you couldn’t afford the events, and thanks (but no thanks) to offering to help with some of the costs but it’s just not a priority in your budget at the moment. Instead you have been steamrolled into attending the events and having to pay out £1000 for the privilege, and now are feeling constricted about what you can spend money on. You need to be much firmer with your (generous and well meaning) family in future

I don't think you've done anything wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. If your family want you to attend an expensive event and they are happy to pay towards it - fine. How you spend your money is up to you. It's not like you've lied to them to get money, you have merely prioritised how you spend your own money. It's no worse than buying a new outfit to attend the event, that i'm sure the other (sanctimonious) posters would do, if necessary.

Does your DH know?

Yes, DH knows.

E.g. your BIL has lent £700.
You can bake for them once a week till the end of the year and arrange their online Facebook photos into a physical album (often no time to do such things after the office) and babysit once a month overnight till the end of the year.

DS lent you £500, she hates cleaning but her house is too messy for a cleaner. tidy up for her once a week for the year and have her kids one bank holiday so they can have a weekend away.

Dedicate one full day a week till the end of the year to ‘work’ for them to pay something back, if not with money, with time.

God I hate this shit. Clearly in op’s case the money was given without expectation it’d be paid back.

But when people do lend you money, you pay them back with money! It’s no use to someone if they’ve loaned a relative £300 and the cheeky fucker then turns round later and says ‘oh I won’t be paying back the cash but I’ll do some cleaning or cooking for you’; you can’t pay bills with cleaning and homemade cakes, and the loaner is clearly managing fine without those things from the borrower already.

Fair enough if it’s agreed beforehand, then they’re just paying up front for services delivered later down the line. But it’s the height of being a cheeky cunt to borrow money then offer it back in the form of your labour.

You must be pretty well off to even think this is an option for most people.

If it’s been done right
They absolutely won’t notice

You will become addicted though

family members have very kindly helped us to be able to afford to go as they've said we need to be there.

I don’t like the way you’ve phrased this OP.

Who in your family has such power over you they can say you ‘need to be there’ and you go?

In a normal family dynamic they can say they’d rather you attend and are happy to give you money to go, if that makes it affordable for you, and you’re free to accept or say ‘thanks but I’ll still have to spent £1k of my own I just can’t justify and I would want to pay you back too so it’s not doable’.

There’s something pretty wrong about your family dynamics between you and whoever said you ‘need to be there’ if it went down as you’ve written it.

I know it sounds like a cheeky fucker thing to do if you look at it from their point of view ("we give you money to go to a family event because you said you couldn't afford it, meanwhile you're buying yourself Botox!") but I don't really think it's that terrible actually.

You're invited to an incredibly expensive event and you decline because it would wipe out your money. You pay for Botox for yourself which is a fraction of that cost, and something you actually want. The fact that a family member has basically forced you to go to the event by paying for SOME of it (still leaving you with a £1000 bill you wouldn't have had if you'd been "allowed" to decline) because THEY insisted on you attending - that's kind of their problem, isn't it?

The fact that a family member has basically forced you to go to the event by paying for SOME of it (still leaving you with a £1000 bill you wouldn't have had if you'd been "allowed" to decline) because THEY insisted on you attending - that's kind of their problem, isn't it?

Let’s not pretend OP isn’t an adult with her own agency here! I have asked further about the dynamic as I’m confused about how someone was able to make that demand and she went along with it, but the fact remains that nobody could force OP to go if she didn’t want to. Unless they were literally threatening or blackmailing her (hence asking).

You do need to keep up with botox though, it only lasts 3-6 months. Can you afford to get it done two/three times a year?

I had Botox nearly two years ago and I can still see the effects. The lines are coming back a little but they're nowhere near as deep as they were before.

I can still scowl. My face isn't frozen.