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Original poster

Feeling so guilty! WWYD?

132 replies

hawaiii · 30/05/2018 22:05

Back story is that I'm a SAHM. There are a number of family events happening this year that have put financial constraints on DH & I. I suggested DH & I couldn't attend the family events due to the financial outlay involved but family members have very kindly helped us to be able to afford to go as they've said we need to be there.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling very down about myself and my appearance. I have some wrinkles that are quite bad for my age. They were really affecting my confidence and I didn't want to have my picture taken with my kids anymore. Any picture would be swiftly deleted. The up-shot is, I called a clinic and booked myself in for Botox and decided to put it on a credit card. I had the procedure yesterday but now that I'm seeing results already, I'm completely panicking. I'm seeing family next week who have given us financial help and I really think they'll notice the difference in my face. How am I going to explain the fact I've forked out for this?

If I could turn the clock back, I would never have had the Botox as now I'm completely plagued with guilt over it. I really didn't think this through.

What should I do? I feel like such a foolSad

OP posts:
e1y1 · 30/05/2018 23:43

It’s done now.

Would stop worrying though, as if you don’t, those wrinkles are coming straight back and then it will be a waste of money.

Letitgo2018 · 30/05/2018 23:43

How much was the treatment?

Original poster
hawaiii · 30/05/2018 23:44

The treatment was £160

OP posts:
KittenBeast · 30/05/2018 23:59

Nobody has 'tapped' and money, Lipstick or can you just not read? OP said she wasn't attending a family event, because said family event will cost over £1500, fair enough, I fucking wouldn't either, her family, however, have insisted she attend, and have given her some money towards it, OP is still forking out £1000 to attend said family event, even with their contribution. So what if she spent £160 on a bit of botox.

Don't give us this utter horseshit about her being an irresponsible SAHM who can't even afford expensive family events. I know plenty of working couples who would bow out of such events if that amount of cash was required.

Inertia · 31/05/2018 00:02

If family members insist that you attend their hugely expensive events, it wouldn't be reasonable of them to expect you to pay. They haven't been giving you money to pay the mortgage or buy the children's food- if that were the case, then botox would have been a bloody stupid idea. But you've spent your money, not theirs.

If anyone notices and comments ,tell them something innocuous so they don't ask for details of your miracle cream- maybe you've put on weight so your face has filled out a bit, or you've made a real effort to cut out alcohol and drink more water, or you've been outside a lot in the fine weather this week.

KittenBeast · 31/05/2018 00:03

But you do require to borrow money,to attend events
I’d suggest get a job,build up your monies,get a contingency fund for such eventualities

Why? if the OP and her partner are living comfortably on his wage, and OP is happy being a SAHM, why should she get a job to pay in the event that her family want her to spend thousands on family events.
What absolute crap.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 31/05/2018 00:03

With the best will in the world hawaiii, they simply wont notice. If they don’t see you very often they’ll be absolutely none the wiser. You know you look better but they won’t remember that you looked any different. Even if someone commented that you looked different in a photo, people always look different in photos. Grin

Have a lovely time.

KittenBeast · 31/05/2018 00:04

Bold fail. Sigh.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 31/05/2018 00:13

It's nice that most posters on here are being supportive of you. What they're saying is lovely.

But (I'm really sorry, I'm not saying this to be nasty), what you've done is pretty low. I'm saying this because I've read a lot of CF threads.

If you'd taken the money and spent it putting food on the table, or on a utility bill or the mortgage, that would be one thing.
But you've spent it on a vanity project.

If one of the relatives who'd given you the money made a post on here that said what and why they'd subbed you and then said you'd spent money on botox, there would be a few posters who would remind them that a gift is a gift, but the majority would hate on you.

And if you're a SAHM, then there IS capacity in your life to earn more money and pay for procedures like this yourself and pay to attend these family functions.

I do like the messages being supportive to you, and I do get their point that your self confidence matters. But I think you do need to think about how you can reimburse your subsidies either in cash or payment in kind.
Because, that's the decent thing to do, isn't it?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 31/05/2018 00:14

p.s. And I REALLY like the posts that say we're all human and make mistakes, because we all are and we all do!

KittenBeast · 31/05/2018 00:23

If you'd taken the money and spent it putting food on the table, or on a utility bill or the mortgage, that would be one thing.
But you've spent it on a vanity project.

No, she didn't, they didn't loan her money, they put SOME towards expensive family events that they expected her to be at, which at £1500 I fully understand why she wouldn't have gone otherwise. Even if she was working as well as her partner.

icelollycraving · 31/05/2018 00:45

In reality most people are caught up in their own lives. I notice Botox/different mascara/new blusher colours but I’m a make up artist.
If it’s a wedding just say how excited you are, you have had a couple of weeks of good sleep. They are more likely to believe that than they’ve paid for you to attend and you’ve blown money on Botox.

nokidshere · 31/05/2018 01:21

What a lot of hot air and nonsense people spout on here sometimes Confused

I went to a family get together last year, my sister really wanted us there and, because we couldn't afford it, she paid for our hotel room. She didn't complain that I'd bought a new dress, or that I bought champagne at the event, or that I could order what I wanted off the menu. I could afford to do those things because I didn't have to fork out for the hotel room as well. She was just happy that we were there. That's what normal families do. We all help each other out.

Don't worry about it OP enjoy being with your family. I'm sure you will be able to reciprocate a favour in the future

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 31/05/2018 01:40

I only know one person who told me that she'd had botox - I had noticed that she looked great, but just rested, relaxed and 'fresher.' No way would I have guessed it was botox. I'm assumed decent moisturiser/few good nights sleep.

No one's going to guess, OP.

marjorie25 · 31/05/2018 04:08

Once you start lying, where does it end.
Also once you start lying, you have to remember what you said.
That's one of the reasons why I don't lie - too difficult to have to remember.

Original poster
hawaiii · 31/05/2018 06:41

Thank you for all the replies. For those saying what I've done is very low, I know that. I literally couldn't feel worse than I do. I feel awful. I want to be an honest person and I've really let myself down here. Thanks to those who've been so understanding. I know we all make mistakes but I do feel I've been particularly selfish here.

I really hope you're right that no one will notice it but in reality, I won't be able to stop worrying now until after the event. That's karma I suppose.

Thanks all. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 31/05/2018 06:51

hawaiii It would be lovely if you could update the thread and let us know whether they noticed or not. I'm really curious now!
Best of luck Smile.

Original poster
hawaiii · 31/05/2018 07:04

screamingvalentia yes, I'll update you all afterwards.

OP posts:
HidingFromDD · 31/05/2018 07:07

Actually, I don't think that you're a CF. I think you have a limited amount of money and didn't choose to prioritise a family event costing £1500. Family provided some of the money which meant the cost came down to £1000 which you could/did afford. It's not like you said 'I can't feed the kids' and then went and spent money on botox.

And I'm another one who agrees just don't mention it. If they say you look great just thank them kindly.

LoniceraJaponica · 31/05/2018 07:15

I agree that I doubt anyone would notice. Go and enjoy yourself, guilt free.

ourkidmolly · 31/05/2018 07:18

God so many posters on here running a guilt trip on the op. Calm down people it's not coming out of your pocket! Look it's £160, just forget it and enjoy the occasion. We all do crazy things from time to time. You're clearly not a cf as you feel so terrible about it all. No one will think it's Botox and if they do, just laugh and say a face mask. Relax and enjoy.

Slartybartfast · 31/05/2018 07:19

you need to cut up your credit cards op, look at your finance situation. improve your self esteem by other methods.

MoistCantaloupe · 31/05/2018 07:32

Why don’t you see a friend first and see if they notice? I agree, they likely won’t! It’s 160 pounds, not 3,000 on a face lift. You feel guilty, you’re not hurrying to show it off. Try to enjoy the event and put it behind you

HyacinthsBucket70 · 31/05/2018 07:36

So you won't put the cost of attending a family event on a credit card but will put a temporary cosmetic procedure? I'd be pretty upset if I was in your family...........

MadMags · 31/05/2018 07:40

She is attending the family event, and paying for it herself too.

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