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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling so guilty! WWYD?

132 replies

hawaiii · 30/05/2018 22:05

Back story is that I'm a SAHM. There are a number of family events happening this year that have put financial constraints on DH & I. I suggested DH & I couldn't attend the family events due to the financial outlay involved but family members have very kindly helped us to be able to afford to go as they've said we need to be there.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling very down about myself and my appearance. I have some wrinkles that are quite bad for my age. They were really affecting my confidence and I didn't want to have my picture taken with my kids anymore. Any picture would be swiftly deleted. The up-shot is, I called a clinic and booked myself in for Botox and decided to put it on a credit card. I had the procedure yesterday but now that I'm seeing results already, I'm completely panicking. I'm seeing family next week who have given us financial help and I really think they'll notice the difference in my face. How am I going to explain the fact I've forked out for this?

If I could turn the clock back, I would never have had the Botox as now I'm completely plagued with guilt over it. I really didn't think this through.

What should I do? I feel like such a foolSad

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 30/05/2018 22:59

How much have they lent you and how much was the Botox?

ReanimatedSGB · 30/05/2018 23:01

Given that your family have paid for you to attend family parties (rather than giving/lending you money to pay your rent or feed your DC), I wouldn't worry about it too much. You were content not to go to these parties because you couldn't afford to do so; they wanted you there so offered to pay for your attendance. I get the impression they insisted on paying for you because they required you to be there. This really is in a different category to you asking them for money for bills and then spending on treats for yourself.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/05/2018 23:02

It's not necessarily the case that OP has no money - just not enough money to lay out on expensive family parties that she didn't necessarily want to go to.

KittenBeast · 30/05/2018 23:03

I think people are being a little harsh. OP did say that family subbed her for events they told her she HAD to attend. People probably won't notice, use the face cream story if they do.

SexyManatee · 30/05/2018 23:04

OP, do you look good? Are you happy with the results?

Original poster
hawaiii · 30/05/2018 23:06

We haven't been lent any money but have had things paid for for us. If it makes any odds, I never asked for these things to be paid for, I just said we couldn't afford to attend the event. I've also had to pay nearly £1000 to go so it's still a huge expense for us, just less than what it would be if nothing had been subbed for us. But it would have cost us nothing if we had not gone, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 30/05/2018 23:06

How long will it take to pay off the credit card?

I hope this is a one time mistake and you learn to only get luxuries when you actually have the cash and don't need it for essentials.

Original poster
hawaiii · 30/05/2018 23:08

We are coming in to a small amount of money at the end of the year. Enough to pay off the 0% credit card.

OP posts:
PolkaHots · 30/05/2018 23:10

it’s not really up to them what you spend your money on, and helping you to attend family events is lovely, but also pleases them

Stop feeling guilty. Nobody will notice and it’s none of their business. They have chosen to give you the money, it’s up to you what you do with the rest of your income.

Ignore anyone on here being sanctimonious. I have Botox and it very little money in general, and there’s a lot I would cut down on to keep the Botox. Money well spent.

busybarbara · 30/05/2018 23:20

"as they've said we need to be there."

Then that's their problem. If they demand you turn up and pay to do so, that's their lookout.

PoorYorick · 30/05/2018 23:23

Nobody will notice. Nobody noticed when I had Botox.

Katedotness1963 · 30/05/2018 23:24

I wouldn't have done it. But I may have wasted it on concert tickets my eldest wants. Pay the money back when you can. Don't feel guilty. Stop beating yourself up. We all make mistakes because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Wintry · 30/05/2018 23:25

Er, how can you be choosing not to work while taking money from family?

Original poster
hawaiii · 30/05/2018 23:30

We can afford for me not to work. Family members want us to attend events that will cost well over £1500 to go to. That, we cannot afford. Hence the reason we said we couldn't go.

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 30/05/2018 23:31

No-one will notice. But if they do, say you're getting more sleep and drinking water and have noticed that it has made a real difference to your skin and how you feel. Most people believe any old shit anyway.

Wintry · 30/05/2018 23:32

You clearly can't afford not to work if you're requiring so much money from family members.

Original poster
hawaiii · 30/05/2018 23:36

Wintry you're obviously trying to get a rise out of me. I'll refer you back to my previous comment which explains our circumstances well.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/05/2018 23:36

Cosmetic procedures aside,you’re judgement is a bit off
And if you require to borrow money,you need to get a job

Letitgo2018 · 30/05/2018 23:37

OP they have subbed yiu m they don't own you. It's not up to then to judge you abiut spending money it's just that you are probably feeling uncomfortable about it all.
Don't say anything. Stop worrying. Create some boundaries in your relationships.
Ignore posters who are being nasty it's not really anyone else's concern.

FuckingHateRain · 30/05/2018 23:37

Or you went with a friend and they had some left in vial so gave it to you for free?
I love this! Reminds me of MIL, when I ask her where she bought her lovely and obvious new clothes she says 3 years ago from a charity shop Hmm

OP you see results already? Where did you get it done?
If they ask say it's a miraculous cream from amazon for a fiver !

Gitfeatures · 30/05/2018 23:38

Even if you look 10 years younger unless you've got previous form as a cf, they are not going to think you've being splashing out on botox whilst simultaneously claiming poverty.

Original poster
hawaiii · 30/05/2018 23:38

I don't require to borrow money. Family members insisted we attended something which we couldn't afford to go to. We had said we wouldn't go, they chose to pay for things to make it more affordable for us, although as I said, it will cost us over £1000 even with their contributions.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/05/2018 23:40

If I met skint rellie,looking refreshed with glowy skin I’d not think Botox
I’d not think anyone so brazen as to tap money and then spend it on botox
You literally have some front

CactusFred · 30/05/2018 23:41

They won't even notice.

My sister has it and I think it's a total waste of money as she looked fine before and I can't tell the difference.

No one but you even cares about a few wrinkles so they won't have noticed.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/05/2018 23:42

But you do require to borrow money,to attend events
I’d suggest get a job,build up your monies,get a contingency fund for such eventualities

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