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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel envious of those with more money?

143 replies

crunchymint · 30/05/2018 19:55

Okay I know I am really. Comparison is the thief of joy, and all that. We are okay really. We have enough money for food and the bills, and very cheap day outs. So I know we are already doing better than some people.
BUT nearly all of my friends are better off than me. Not through hard work, but through financial help from families. That is not an option for us, and I do feel envious that they are able to do things we can't, because they have got handouts.
None of this can change, its just life. But how do you deal with these feelings?

OP posts:
Original poster
crunchymint · 30/05/2018 20:24

Rebecca Our parents don't have anything to give. I know if they did my parents would help out at a drop of the hat.

OP posts:
Original poster
crunchymint · 30/05/2018 20:24

In fact we help out my in laws financially.

OP posts:
PolkaHots · 30/05/2018 20:24

I know exactly what you mean OP, and I’m someone who’s had handouts from family Grin

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 30/05/2018 20:24

I absolutely agree with you, Grumpyoldblonde.

WittyJack · 30/05/2018 20:25

(And to echo Rebecca - said billionaire's daughter lost her mum to cancer when she was 9 and her mum wasn't even 40. I know which she'd rather have now, not that we get that sort of choice in life Sad)

LadyFlumpalot · 30/05/2018 20:26

My mums dying. When she does I will receive a substantial sum of money. Feel envious of me if you like. I'd rather have my mum than the money.

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 30/05/2018 20:26

crunchymint, you sound lovely. Wish my parents would give my siblings and me just a little boost financially- even a loan! Instead, they moan about how we’ve not got far- property-wise etc. Err, a bit of help would be cool. All their friends have helped with their kids’ deposits etc!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 30/05/2018 20:27

It is possible without “handouts” or inheritance. We’ve had neither but we did work hard and were careful in the early years meaning we were mortgage free by our early forties and now are in a very good financial position. No one to thank but ourselves. Unlikely to inherit anything in future either.

RedForFilth · 30/05/2018 20:37

I hate it when people say they would rather have deceased people/their health or whatever but no money. Like they forget poor people have shit times! Would money have made being continually raped any easier for me? No but not having to work every hour under the sun to keep a roof over my head and affording counselling would have helped.

I get it OP. I'm so lucky I love my job and have worked hard to get to manager level now I'm 27. But I work in the care sector so will always be low paid. I'm also a single mum and work many hours, never get time to myself etc. I do feel a pang of jealousy when all my "mum friends" can afford part time but lots of holidays etc as they have husbands who earn a lot. However I then just feel so proud of myself at how hard I've worked and how independent I am. And I know my son is proud of all I've achieved too so I'm very very lucky.

gillybeanz · 30/05/2018 20:45

I don't think money does make life easier if you already have basic needs covered, and maybe the odd luxury.
I couldn't imagine having to manage lots of the stuff, and have seen some rich people who are very poor in other aspects of their life.

takeoffyourpantsandjacket · 30/05/2018 20:46

No I don't because I'm a SAHM so I made this choice and I don't deserve more. I'll be going to uni next year and hopefully one day we'll be more comfortable. Just make the best of what we've got.

PolkaHots · 30/05/2018 20:50

No one to thank but ourselves

How smug.

winterisstillcoming · 30/05/2018 20:54

I don't think it's unnatural to feel as you do but it's more about your own spiritual contentment than what others have or do not have. Concentrate on your happiness and worry less about others' money and more about your own personal goals and outlook.

Grumpyoldblonde · 30/05/2018 20:54

Money makes life loads easier, I don't know how anyone could think it doesn't.

RefuseTheLies · 30/05/2018 20:56

I’ve got money, but both parents died just as they turned 60. I’m really jealous of people who have family around them. It’s great not having to worry about money, but bereavement is the absolute depths of awfulness.

mellicauli · 30/05/2018 20:57

every narrative has 2 versions..so they have more money than you and have received interitance. But every penny you have you have earned for yourself and you are not answerable or beholden to anyone. You have modelled the benefits of hard work for your children and your financial good sense will give them the advantage you never enjoyed.

Littlechocola · 30/05/2018 21:00

I’m with your husband. Be proud of what you’ve achieved.

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 30/05/2018 21:02

YABU - And I mean in a nice way Smile

No matter we have in life, there is always going to be someone who has more than us. OP please love what you have because there are a lot of people out there that would love to be in your position.

cosytoaster · 30/05/2018 21:04

Money makes life loads easier, I don't know how anyone could think it doesn't

Totally agree!

Am in a similar boat, OP, it's only as I've got older that I have realised just how much financial help quite a lot of people have had. I get fed up with the general constant low level worry about money, not to mention explaining why I can't go on breaks/holidays etc.

However I do count my blessings to have been born in this era and this country, others have it harder.

Namechange128 · 30/05/2018 21:06

#BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou do you truly believe that you've become mortgage free in your 40s with 'no help'? You, like me, would have benefited from either low uni debt or being able to get a decent job without a degree, plus a housing market that was still high but nothing like as insane as it has become.
My nieces and nephews are graduating now from uni with huge debts, and then having to pour masses of money into huge rents, so they can't even think about what to do with getting a huge mortgage.

Op if it helps, when I get jealous about friends with big deposits from family I always remember that by being able to buy 7 years ago in many ways I still had a big step up from many of the young people starting out today...

Namechange128 · 30/05/2018 21:06

Oops I meant @BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou not #!

WittyJack · 30/05/2018 21:07

My grandma used to have a toast - "fat sorrow". There's something in that, I agree with PPs.

madmomma · 30/05/2018 21:07

Totally understandable OP. Not unreasonable to feel the way you do at all, but to be happy overall I guess you have to find a way of being happy with what you have. No idea how it's done though. Inheriting money makes everything easier.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 30/05/2018 21:07

I get it op.
It's awful feeling this envy but I do too. My parent has nothing and that's never going to change (but doesn't change how I feel about them at all!)
I'm surrounded by people in much better circumstances than me, thanks to family money being gifted to them.
I'm a lp (other parent passed away). I don't have anyone who can help me.
It's hard seeing people in a similar position to myself, but able to have wonderful holidays/own home/afford bloody driving lessons and buy a car thanks to handouts.

I really try not to dwell but it's hard sometimes. Ds is 6 and we don't have holidays. We're too poor and will be for some time, if not forever.
It's depressing.

BlankTimes · 30/05/2018 21:08

Quite often, family "gifts" of money come with very restricting conditions.
On the surface it may look as though someone has a great life, but underneath what they have to do to maintain it can be quite soul-destroying.

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