To think it is possible to have 4 DC and give them all individual attention?

[hibbledibble]

I think it is, dh does not agree.

We have 3 currently. All get one to one time, activities etc, though the eldest gets more than the youngest. This will change as youngest gets older and is able to engage in more activities.

Can anyone talk to me about the jump from 3 to 4? 2 to 3 was really easy. I'm pretty sure #4 would just fit in.

Thank you for all the replies.

Rather predictably there are quite a few very critical replies, which is to be expected I guess in aibu.

It's interesting that anything other than two children is frequently criticised on Mumsnet. Only children are lonely. Having more than two and they will be neglected and lack attention...

To answer some points, we are fortunate enough to have a large enough house for each child to have their own room, if they wish, and finances are not a worry.

The only adult friend I know who grew up in a large family (one of five), loved it, and is very close to her siblings and their children

Ah agree op and hope you can both agree the way forward.

What would the age gaps be op? I think that's critical. All the people of large families who have a positive experience that I know have small age gaps.

The thing you need to bear in mind is I know adults who were one of 3, and they complain, the middle child complains, adults who had only one sibling but that the other was favoured, there will also be those bizarre people who have an unreasonable expectation (usually based on what they think others have had) of what their parents should have done for them and it's ridiculous. My brothers partner still now fights and has sibling rivalry with her 2 brothers at 36.
I also think that sharing rooms is no bad thing. We worried about them sharing, and then when we tried to give them each their own space they cried and said we were mean!
You could have 4, and them all love it, you could have 4 and 2 complain. It depends on lots of variables. Their are only children who love it and only children who crave company.

Well, we had 3 close together and then a gap and then twins but that gap hasn't been a problem so I don't think gaps are an issue either but I had ours at 22/24/26 and then 36 so we had quite a while to have them over (and I always worked full time with virtually no maternity leaves so we always had the money to pay for them I suppose).

Being able to afford the children you have at whatever level that means is important but of course there are no guarantees that life won't throw a curve ball.

We have four

10, 9, 5 and 19 months

They all get some 1 to 1 time. They also enjoy each others company (most of the time)

None have any additional needs and if they did it would obviously be harder

That's very true - we started off with plenty of money but have been hit with so many curve balls over the years (including MH issues) that now it is a real struggle.

Having a fourth could be the best thing you've ever done or very, very difficult - you just don't know. There is no easy answer OP, I didn't have a perfect family size in mind when we had our first baby but I just knew that after our third that I wasn't quite done. I love having four, have absolutely no regrets and feel incredibly lucky but it is a constant challenge and has tested us to the limit. And much of that is down to individual personalities - yours, your husband's and your children's and you can't control that. Another child will change the family dynamics - they don't just 'fit in' and everything else stays the same. It's much more than just a numbers game.

Good luck with whatever you decide

I grew up as one of four - now one of six, but the youngest two live with my dad and step mum. There's just under 6 years between me as the oldest and the youngest of the four. As kids, it was amazing because we always had playmates and there was never one being the odd one out. I think at times we all felt like we weren't getting enough attention and I did't have the kind of relationship with my parents growing up that friends with fewer siblings do. That said, I wouldn't have changed it for the world. We all still knew we were loved and as I've got older and me and my siblings have become more independent I've developed a really close relationship with my mum.

It is a big jump from three to four and it can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the circumstances. I know there have been times my parents really struggled because both myself and my younger brother have SN and that could be difficult to juggle.