to wonder how I was supposed to use this toilet?

[sleepingdragons]

DD and I got drenched in the rain today, proper torrential rain! DD's skirt was soaked through.

We were on our way to meet family for lunch, so we headed there and I took DD to the toilet.

DD was freezing. My plan had been to strip her bottom half to her pants in the ladies and hold her skirt under the hand dryer for as long as I could.

But when I got to the toilet I found it was unisex. There were a bunch of cubicles coming off a busy communal sink area, with a couple of middle aged men in there when I got there, and more men coming and going while we were there.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

Also - AIBU to think that restaurants and cafes are going to use the new trend for unisex facilities as a cost cutting measure, so we're going to see loads more of this kind of thing?

I'm struggling to think of any other circumstances where I need privacy specifically from men when I go to the loo. Perhaps I'm just very self conscious but I would never strip off and deal with a bra issue in from of women too. I'd always use a cubicle for privacy regardless of what sex of person is outside.

@sailorcherries "But are these things that must be done exclusively in front of women? Can they not happen in front of men?"

No. YOU might feel okay doing them in front of men. Doesn't make it right to take away the option of privacy from women who don't.

And fwiw, to several other PP: Ridiculous to say it's not embarrassing to rinse a mooncup out in sink even if you've tipped the blood down the loo and tidied it up as much as possible. It's bad enough having to do it in front of women, but IABU to say I don't want to do it in front of men? ODFO. Thankfully one of their advantages is that usually they can last 8-12 hours without changing.

I hate unisex toilets for one simple reason, men, no matter how old they are seemingly have absolutely no aim. Unisex toilets always have piss on the floor. They are very useful though for accompanying children of the oppposite sex into them when boys are a little too old to use the ladies but the circumstances mean you’re not comfortable sending them alone. In your circumstances I would either have bought some jogging bottoms or just left her in cubicle whilst I dried the skirt

I would carry a change of clothes for a 5 year old at all times!

MrsDilber that's a really bad set up

I don't want my DD to have to use facilities where strange men* have their dicks out.

*(strange as in strangers before someone else asks why they're strange!!!)

I would think that was something many women - especially teen girls - might feel uncomfortable with though?

Any more embarrassing than purchasing them in a shop where they either need to go in, view the items, select them, carry them in their hands/basket/trollet through the shop to a cash point and pay?

What if it was a 5 year old girl, caught in the rain, out with her dad? How could he have got her dried without "the male gaze"? You know, women can be pedophiles too?

I don't generally have a problem with unisex toilets, we all piss and poo. I think I'd be a little surprised to find a man in a designated female toilet but if it was signposted as unisex I don't see the problem.

I've also been in a public toilet with a male cleaner quite a few times. So generally if I need to do anything private, I do it in private. In the cubicle.

There's a valid debate about self I.D and males entering women's spaces but I honestly don't think unisex toilets are part of the issue.

" Periods are a part of life, like the need to do a poo. "

They are a specifically female trait. I don't want men in the cubicle next to me when having to deal with heavy period, perhaps having to stay in toilet for a long time, the associated pain / diarrhoea etc. No, I'm not ashamed of periods.

During the FWR thread on this there was a man on Twitter comparing having a miscarriage in a public loo to doing a poo.

So, the answer to lack of privacy in the toilet is for DD and I to go home? That's a bit crap isn't it?

Well, you'd have had the same crap if there was no hand dryer, and no restaurant has a duty to supply a dryer, let alone one that you can dry clothes under.

You seem to be saying essentially that all venues offering public toilets have a duty to offer a communal area where women can undress. Self-evidently that's nonsense.

I work in a place with unisex toilets and they are as clean as the female-only toilets.

I find this concern about a 5 year old being in her pants in front of men a bit bogus - it sounds to me like a rather clumsy thought experiment to introduce some goady trans bashing. First, many men are fathers and will have seen a girl in pants many times before. Second, do you never allow your tinies to run around in a swimming costume in a pool? It's the same thing.

"If they are signposted as unisex I don't see the problem"

Except if there is no alternative single sex facility, that is a problem.

Not a solution to your problem OP but having been in the same area yesterday I just wanted to say I’ve found all the replies frustrating on your behalf purely because nobody seems to be appreciating just how torrential (and sudden) the rain was. It was like jumping in a pool!

And I also hate communal toilets unless the sinks are within the cubicle. Although when sinks are in the cubicle they rarely seem to be dryers, more likely paper towels. I think Gatwick Airport Arrivals has my fave set of “self contained” toilets - enough room for suitcases and definitely enough room to get changed. Appreciate this isn’t a “where are your favourite communal toilets” thread though.

Did anyone really believe this thread wasn't really about self-ID?

They're always so transparent.

This is ridiculous.
You would have had the exact same set of issues in a female only loo as you did in a unisex one.
There is no way you or your daughter were in danger by men being near by.
Your daughter is 5. Have you ever been to a swimming pool or the beach? What does she wear? Im assuming you don't kick off because men are near by then? Don't teach her to fear all men!

Also, how does a man's wee sound different from a woman's wee? Or smell different? Is female wee cleaner? If you were in a cubicle doing your business, could you honestly identify which of the surrounding loos had men or women in them based on sound? This seems like an issue for some posters that they don't want to 'hear' a man doing his business? I don't get how it is any different that hearing a woman do hers? And as for seeing them as you wash your hands....do you do this naked or something?? I genuinely don't understand!

GrumpySquirrel

But what things?

Many women here have said they'd horrified to watch someone clean a mooncup in a public loo, single sex or not.
What else is there?

Why would anyone not want to wash their hands, apply lipstick or comb their hair in front of a man?

Many posters have asked what these private things are and, so far, mooncups have been the only answer.

Fwiw, the OP was talking about unisex toilets which are all cubicles and communal wash hand basins not a row of urinals and cubicles. The latter I don't agree with.

"I don't want men in the cubicle next to me when having to deal with heavy period, perhaps having to stay in toilet for a long time, the associated pain / diarrhoea etc. No, I'm not ashamed of periods."

Why not, though? It's a part of life, and men should have to deal with that.

When I met my DH, he'd had a mother (obviously) and several girlfriends. They had squirrelled away their period things into cupboards as if they were ashamed. He had no clue how a tampon worked and he thought the sticky side of sanitary towels was to glue them to your body. Since he's understood far more about periods and female bodies, he's become not only a far more sympathetic partner to the pain/inconvenience of menstruation, but better in bed too! (sorry for TMI). Being honest and open about bodies is good for both genders!

Of course, one thing you could do is check the weather forecast, note the yellow warning of rain for the London area, and prepare accordingly.

Nobody has addressed the issue of the fact that many children are cared for by men and will also need to use facilities when out and about. Unisex toilets make this much easier and may encourage more men to be carers, something that is in everyone's interests.

As for 'the male gaze' putting people off when buying tampons from a machine? Are you serious? Do you also refuse to buy them in the supermarket if the cashier is a man? I have never had an issue with buying tampons, even as a teenager and I don't know anyone else who does either. I seriously think the image of women dying with embarrassment at the thought of men knowing she uses tampons is a throwback to storylines in 1970s teen fiction. If for some reason you do feel mortified, you wait for 2 minutes until the guy has left the bathroom and then put your pound in.

I think urinals should be done away with or be single urinals in a stall. Hey presto, suddenly zero chance of a child seeing anyone's penis.

So why would you have done it with random women walking around and not men if it was privacy you were worried about? You do know all men aren’t perverts don’t you? All this hysteria about men using the same toilets as women is crazy!! We use a cubicle when we’re actually naked anyway!!

You know, women can be pedophiles too?

This is not a thread about paedophilia particularly, more about feeling uncomfortable in unisex facilities, but I have to pull you up on this absolute nonsense.

1 in 5 women have been sexually assaulted since they were 16 (if you add in assaults when underage the figure is much higher).

98% of sexual assaults are by men.

The vast majority of sexual predators and paedophiles are male. Yes female sex offenders exist but they're vanishingly rare.

If we go round pretending that women are as much risk to children and other women as men are that's just fucking bullshit.

I CBA to link to the thread or re-list the many many examples. Not just period related!

In short - fine if YOU feel comfortable doing all this in front of male strangers or with them in next cubicle. You don't have the right to tell all women they cant have the option of single sex loos because it's "ridiculous " to be uncomfortable.

You seem to be saying essentially that all venues offering public toilets have a duty to offer a communal area where women can undress.

No, I'm saying that we're used to having single sex facilities, not unisex ones.

This seems to be changing.

"Never ever undress your child in public"

Erm no one suggested stripping the child naked, just down to tights and a tshirt! . So much ridiculous "paedophiles are everywhere" crap.

Fwiw I had similar the other week, my 2 year old necked two bottles of water visiting my nana. He's still in nappies but ended up peeing through. I was two busses and a train from my house and a bus ride from town. It was raining and my nana has no tumble dryer. I just popped the baby's blanket over ds1 in the pram and then the rain cover and off we went. Bought him a pair of joggers when we did get into town, paid for them and then put them on him... in the shop .. nobody gave a shit! Im.pretty sure that there wasnt a paedophile catching a glimpse of my toddlers nappy and getting off on it! My own stupid fault for not packing a spare but a total non-issue.

OP I'm not a huge fan of unisex toilets fwiw but i don't think you're argument is great using this example. I can understand your frustration but i imagine even with you moving after trying the dryer it would still cause a bit of annoyance!

The men were probably a bit confused anyway about unisex toilets... I would probably do a double take if i walked into the loo and saw a bunch of men queuing as i am used to female only toilets.

Just out of interest, was there a baby Change? I've found with some places the only baby Change is located in the women's toilet which means if DH is out without me he can't change the children so maybe "family" and unisex toilets would work? (Playing devils advocate here! )

I’m surprised people think the daughter should just stand in her knickers in front of all and sundry because it’s “no different to being at the pool”. Surely context matters. Should OP stand in her knickers in a communal area because it’s “no different to being at the pool”? Or do we just not care about DD because she is a child? Maybe in this alternate reality they should have all stripped to underwear in the street as soon as the storm started (like at the beach!) and then put their dry clothes back on when they arrived

I think urinals should be done away with or be single urinals in a stall. Hey presto, suddenly zero chance of a child seeing anyone's penis.

I'm sure the men will be delighted they now have to queue as long as women do.