for not wanting sil to film dd1 in the bath

[kreamkrackers]

dp's sil is a lesbian and i have no problem with that but she insisted on filming dd1 in the bath and dp let her. she lives quite far away so we don't see her often. she didn't want to film dd2 so it strikes me as odd that she wanted to film dd1 and dp wouldn't stand up to her saying it must be innocent and he doesn't want to upset her by saying no. she hasn't filmed them playing but has taken a couple of pictures of them.

i bathed dd2 and then ran the bath for dd1 and was in the girls bedroom when i told dp i put extra bubbles in to hide her bits on film. forgot the baby monitor was on and sil heard everything but she didn't say anything. it stills seems odd that she stilled filmed her despite of what she must have heard. she isn't a good person in general and if i had my way she'd never see the girls (she takes drugs, drinks, sleeps with anyone, cuts herself and displays the marks).

there is another reason why she might have filmed her, she is a very depressed person and seeks a lot of attention. dd1 has had heart surgery and has a gastrostomy. she might want people to feel sorry for her by somehow using the film of her. she has never been there for us when we almost lost dd1 through her heart condition and still isn't there for us now so i don't want people to feel sorry for her.

really feel like i don't know what to do now. she's gone back now but i feel sick knowing she has dd1 on film in the bath.

exactly what i thought!

Presumably because she felt railroaded into it by her dh and sil. dh didnt want to upset sil etc etc.

Not everyone can make up their mind in a flash, and act assertively. Some of us need to think things over a little before we are sure enough what is the right course of action.

As to someone's drug use, there's a fairly big difference between someoen who has the occasional spliff or has in the past, or people who take a few chemicals at the weekend, or used to, and soemone who is shooting up heroin in front of the kids. We dont' know about this individual.

Can anyone on this thread right now honestly say they would let a manic depressive/drug addict film there children naked in the bath without a proper reason?

I might have been pressured into it in my younger and less assertive days.

My SIL suffers with depression and has in the past been sectioned under the mental health act with drug related issues.
She has a child who has been removed from her care because she is unable to look after him.
I can honestly (hand on heart)say I would let her film my children in the bath. She is a kind warm person who has problems.
She is not a monster and whatever issues she has, it certainly does not make her a paedophile, or someone or someone who would hand over such footage to a paedophile.
I don't really see what the connection is.

hippmommy, i understand what your saying, but the way this woman has been written about (by kk) she just sounds a bit dodgy for example showing off where she has cut herself etc. i dont know this person so its hard and i feel i shouldnt judge, but unless she was worried about the actions os her sil, she wouldnt have started the thread

charlottelouise you are taking this way too far and getting your prissy knickers in a twist.

Do you write articles for the Daily Mail? Only, you have distorted reality somewhat here with your addition of the condition manic depression into the debate.

Unintelligent and insensitive are two words that spring to mind.

no, i do not right for the mail. i had a father who was a drug addict, and i know the lenghs they go to to get a score, thats all.i have not added 'manic depressive' kk said that herself. the only thing i have added is my opinion, which comes from experience.

Charlottelouise - I agree with you, and I've said further down the thread that if KK has her doubts then she is perfectly within her rights to say no to the filming.
I was just answering your question because you specifically asked whether depression/drug issues would affect a decision to let your child be filmed. I really don't see it as relevent.

Also, going back to your earlier point I didn't understand what you mean by 'No one would let a straight man film a little boy, let alone a gay one.'Are you saying no men should ever film little boys? Why?

I'm not deliberately being contentious, I just really dislike the oversuspicious nature that society now has about children being filmed.

im just saying that if you saw a bloke in the park taking pictures of children, you would be concerned, more than if it was a woman. well i would be anyway, its just my opinion

Sorry - I missed your point. I thought you were talking about male relatives, not strangers in the park.

No she didn't.
If I have missed it please tell me.

im not saying i wouldnt be concerend if it was a woman, its weired, im not explaining myself very well. earlier today me and my partner went for a walk at the beach, and my dd got wet, so i took her trousers off. some passers by remarked that they wouldnt let there child walk around bottomless on a beach as 'you dont know whos about' i want to not worry about my daughter playing on the beach like that, but then the thought of what if some bloke was watching her, is there.which is unlikely, but i am a bit wary

she has put'she is a very depressed person' i misread it, sorry.

"Can anyone on this thread right now honestly say they would let a manic depressive/drug addict film there children naked in the bath without a proper reason? "

I can. hand on heart. I don;t see either of those characteristics as being relevant to whether or not I would let someone film my children in a bath

CL -It's this kind of paedophile-paranoia that makes me angry, and frankly I would have told the passers by to mind their own business.

Personally I think it's really unhealthy to focus on other people viewing your child in a sexual way. It stops you enjoying the beauty of your child for what it is.
A thread was started here last week because a pool attendant told a mother to put a bikini top on a 3 year old . We live in a society were toddlers have to be modest about non-existant breasts.
It's all gone too far IMO and we are scared of paedophiles lurking around every corner.
The things we are doing to 'protect' kids (like banning filming of school plays, making girls cover up at the pool) don't actually protect them. They just make parents feel (falsely) that they are doing something to help.

newlifenewname: I'm totally with you on this one. A side-effect of the paedo-panics is that people risk making children see their bodies, particularly the genitals, as something shameful (one thinks of all those fucked-up catholic schools where the pupils had to take baths in special underwear). There are already enough nasty little wankers who think that if an adult woman wears anything tight or revealing it's somehow her fault if she gets assaulted, let's not contribute to this mindset.

Does your sil show her self harming cuts around your dd ?

newlifenewname - I agree with you on teh none the wiser/their problem business. I've never quite understood, when your children are not harmed, and are in no way at risk of harm, why people get het up.

I reckon she does fakeblonde. Like show and tell probably - gasp!

Reeeediculous.

I think it is nieve of parents to not be a little aware that there maybe 'dodgy' people around. Not necessarily KKs sil but in general life. Im not saying I look at everybody and think 'are they / arnt they' I would be a little concerned if someone was acting strangely etc I would remove my dd from the situation. I would be devastated if anyone thought of my dd like that. It obviously bothers me a lot more than anyone else. But Im not ashamed of the way I feel. I will always protect my dd and these days parents should be aware. And by aware I dont mean in total panic of everyone we meet. Just observant of whats going on around your kids, kids wont know any different.

I sleep soundly at night knowing that my child will always be safe because me and my dh are not flippent about who else takes care of our child. And Im not just talking about paedophiles. I mean Drug takers and unstable emotional state too.

I wonder how your child will feel if she becomes 'emotionally unstable' later in life after you've done such a good job of cocooning yourself from such unfortunates. Will she still feel accepted?

I can't help coming back to this thread as I find one or two attitudes here very unpleasant.

DL, it's not your caution that irritates me but your rather discriminatory stigmatising views.

You also verge on infering that if we don't all act with similar caution then we are irresponisbly exposing our children to harm and damage.

I watch over my children but I don't cover them up and I'd say I'm at the cautious end of the scale, generally. Comes from having a mother who read the Daily Mail for 30 odd years.

I am a damn good mother thank you!! Now who's judging?!
Maybe you shoud read my posts properly!!

I am not dscriminating at all as I have said, My uncle is gay and I frends who are gay. They are wonderful people!
My only 1 point is that parents should be aware! I dont mean juding everyone, or wrapping kids up in cotton wool or bringing hildren up to be scared of everyone!
Going back to the original post, my point was that everyone was offended by KKs mention of her sil personality and difficulties which could play a part in her actions that day. Thats all. Nothing wrong with having your eye open. Doesnt mean you have to shout about it an be scared of everyone! fgs!