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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not wanting sil to film dd1 in the bath

171 replies

kreamkrackers · 19/05/2007 19:31

dp's sil is a lesbian and i have no problem with that but she insisted on filming dd1 in the bath and dp let her. she lives quite far away so we don't see her often. she didn't want to film dd2 so it strikes me as odd that she wanted to film dd1 and dp wouldn't stand up to her saying it must be innocent and he doesn't want to upset her by saying no. she hasn't filmed them playing but has taken a couple of pictures of them.

i bathed dd2 and then ran the bath for dd1 and was in the girls bedroom when i told dp i put extra bubbles in to hide her bits on film. forgot the baby monitor was on and sil heard everything but she didn't say anything. it stills seems odd that she stilled filmed her despite of what she must have heard. she isn't a good person in general and if i had my way she'd never see the girls (she takes drugs, drinks, sleeps with anyone, cuts herself and displays the marks).

there is another reason why she might have filmed her, she is a very depressed person and seeks a lot of attention. dd1 has had heart surgery and has a gastrostomy. she might want people to feel sorry for her by somehow using the film of her. she has never been there for us when we almost lost dd1 through her heart condition and still isn't there for us now so i don't want people to feel sorry for her.

really feel like i don't know what to do now. she's gone back now but i feel sick knowing she has dd1 on film in the bath.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 20/05/2007 18:37

Sometimes when you have a family member who has been tortured with various demons and had emotional and mental health difficulties over time you do get into the habit of building a picture because you are forever explaining their behaviour and making excuses Both of which i am always doing wrt my brother and I think it becomes second nature tbh It might not be right but it is something people do

Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:37

But seriously would you tell your little ones that their auntie was a drug taker or shagged everyone in sight?

Little ones are not going to know the difference. What about when people smoke in the street? Do you make your little ones lookt the other way?

fireflyfairy2 · 20/05/2007 18:37

KK, how often does your SIL see your children?

Are they close?

If they are not close then I see this as rather a weird thing to do.

If close, then perhaps not as strange, but I still wouldn't be comfortable.

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:39

No, spliffs are ok, drugs they are but not that dangerous in my eyes. Still not good around children though.
Crack habits abviously are bad

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:40

Little ones wouldnt pick this up but they will grow up and it wont be lobg before they do understand!

nightowl · 20/05/2007 18:41

drug users..well that could be anything from a joint to things a lot harder, at the moment we dont know.

and that still doesn't make someone a pervert.

if we were talking about care then yes, i wouldnt allow it. but that's not the question.

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:41

(excuse my spelling, I have been on this bloody computer far too long today!)

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:44

I think we need to hear more from KreamKrackers to clear up a few things.

What type of drugs?

Is her behaviour unstable around the children?

How often does she see the kids?

Was there a reason she only filmed 1 child, got there too late etc...

Was there a reason she didnt film them anywhere else?

At the end of the day, for whatever reason KK felt uncomfortable and its a mothers right to protect her kids and say no.

Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:45

No it wont be long but its not catching. Just because their aunt takes drugs it doent mean everyone around her will become addicts. She may not even have taken drugs, how does the OP know for sure? If the OP doesnt see her SIL very often and she lives far far away how does she know what she gets up to? Rumours?

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:48

No idea? KK would be the one to answer that. But kids to learn from their elders. They are influenced by adults ways and behaviours etc.

Eg. I am always singing around the house. My dd is always singing too.

I have cleaning issues, things have to put away before I go out etc.. My dd will put her toys away and close doors before we go out. She gets upset if she cant. I have not taught her any of this, she has just picked it up fom me!

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:50

Poor KK, she has probably been put off coming back to this thread. It has got a little out of control hasnt it.

nightowl · 20/05/2007 18:50

of course dionnelorraine, everyone wants to protect their kids. but we dont know the full story here yet.

Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:51

dionne I know what you mean but you are around her all the time, if she saw someone something like twice a year then it wouldnt really be an issue would it?

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:52

Thats what i said a few mins ago. 18.44

nightowl · 20/05/2007 18:52

but dionne, your kids see you doing that. as far as op says, they dont see sil often. how can she influence them as such?

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:52

Hmm, maybe you do have a point. I know what you mean. I hope it is only twice a year tbh

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:54

I was just thinking about when they get older and learn about what their auntie does. I just worry that they will think its 'cool'

dionnelorraine · 20/05/2007 18:58

Anyway, I would love to stay on here and debate with you all but my eyes are going square!
Off to put dd to bed, I shall catch up with this thread tomorrow.

Nighty night all.

Hilllary · 20/05/2007 18:59

hmm well sounds like they are little enough to know its wrong, not like very impressionable teenagers rebelling IYKWIM.

My Father was an alcoholic, I dont touch alcohol as I saw what it did to him. Maybe it would work that way for them.

nightowl · 20/05/2007 18:59

1: how will they know? unless she's taking drugs and self harming in front of them?

2: what has this to do with the original question?

i dont think we have enough info to give a serious, well thought out opinion.

charlottelouise · 20/05/2007 19:42

Just read thread. No one would let a straight man film a little boy, let alone a gay one. And what happens when she needs a hit of drugs, hasnt got any money and sells her camcorder, to out of it to realise the film is still in it?? For gods sake i would never put my children in that position, regardless of whether it might upset someone by asking them to put a camcorder away! pandering to a drug addict/depressive is not the way to help them anyway. Lets just hope she doesnt get a knock on the door from the police to tell them that videos of her kids are being circulated on peodophile sites. she will have no one to blame but herself

newlifenewname · 20/05/2007 20:00

pmsl at the drama queens

babybattle · 20/05/2007 20:05

do u mind telling me wts dis dp dd2 exist for?

charlottelouise · 20/05/2007 20:06

Would anyone ming explaining the abreviations to me?? am quite new on mumsnet and a little stuck

kittylette · 20/05/2007 20:08

what i dont get is if you didnt want her to film your daughter why the hell did you let her??