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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite this child back again?

108 replies

Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 17:05

AIBU or oversensitive? DS11 has a friend for a sleepover at our house last night, and I made both of them a packed lunch for school today. It was a fairly standard packed lunch - ham sandwich, mandarin, packet of crisps, bottle of water and small drinking youghurt. The friend is almost 12 and has stayed at our house quite a few times. I know his mum fairly well through school events . There are no SEN etc.

DS came home and told me that the friend made fun of the lunch I had provided in front of all their mutual friends. Apparently it was “rubbish” and “disgusting” and he held the items up, laughing at them.

WIBU not to invite this friend back, or am I being ridiculous? They are going to different secondary schools in September and we don’t live near them so it’s not really s big issue. My DS is rarely invited to their house but this is due to the parents’ working patterns etc.

OP posts:
TheShapeOfEwe · 29/05/2018 17:07

Sounds like he was being a bratty show off but I think it's a bit drastic to bin him off completely if he and your son are friends. Kids can be arseholes sometimes unfortunately!

Ginger1982 · 29/05/2018 17:08

If there's to be another sleepover I would ask his parents to provide a lunch for the next day as their son didn't like what you provided but if you're unlikely to see him again after the summer I wouldn't sweat it too much.

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 17:11

Thanks. I think it was bratty showing off, he would have a tendency for this. I do have reason to text his mum tonight (he left a hoodie here) so I might apologise that X didn’t appear to enjoy his lunch. Though tbh his mum is lovely and will be embarrassed, so I might just leave it.

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 29/05/2018 17:11

Cheeky little bugger. I would let the mother know in a PA kinda way. But as there's only a few months of school I would go with gingers suggestion

robotcartrainhat · 29/05/2018 17:11

children do stupid stuff showing off at that age.... I think its a bit oversensitive to take the same kind of offence as you would if an adult did that....
Id personally just confront the boy about it if he ever comes round again... not in an aggressive way but just mention it and say it was a bad thing to do and you werent happy. I think that would really suffice. Hes only 11 he probably didnt even actually dislike the lunch just wanted some attention.

AllMYSmellySocks · 29/05/2018 17:12

I agree that he was being a show off but as a one off I'd just ignore it.

KittyHawke80 · 29/05/2018 17:12

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formerbabe · 29/05/2018 17:14

I wouldn't mention it to his mum.

Notevilstepmother · 29/05/2018 17:15

I’d want to know (despite the embarrassment) if my child was being so rude.

BMW6 · 29/05/2018 17:17

I'd invite him for another sleepover and put two slices of bread and a bottle of water in his lunchbox.

missyB1 · 29/05/2018 17:18

Like pp said, as a mum I would want to know if my child behaved like that. Yes it was just rude brattiness but he needs to be pulled up on it.

Flutterbyeee · 29/05/2018 17:20

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MumofBoysx2 · 29/05/2018 17:21

You could say something like 'I'm sorry he didn't like the packed lunch, maybe you could let me know what sort of things he likes for next time' and then subtly let her know about it without sounding like you're having a go.

Highhorse1981 · 29/05/2018 17:21

Oh please leave Op

He’s 12. He was showing off. Very very common at this age.

Highhorse1981 · 29/05/2018 17:23

I would be far far more disturbed if my daughter grew in to a woman that posted something akin to what kitty did above.

You have no excuse whatsoever.

AllMYSmellySocks · 29/05/2018 17:25

Behaving like this at 11/12 means you’re a tosspiece with useless parents.

I think every child of around this age will do something stupid and thoughtless at some point. Of course they should be pulled up on it but calling them a toss piece is way OTT for a child.

Whereismumhiding2 · 29/05/2018 17:27

OP, how about you are honest with the Mum?

I'd want to know if my DC behaved like that and to ensure my DC never do so again. It certainly would be better than DCs friends not wanting him over ever again... My DC would be apologising profusely to that mum within 24 hours of me being told.

"Hi, Sleepover went well, boys seemed to have a good time. Both happily ate tea and breakfast & in school with plenty of time. All fab.
But... I have to tell you... I was shocked to hear something afterwards. I made (boysname) a lovely packed lunch for school today, same as my DCs. I've heard from others that he called it 'disgusting', 'rubbish ' and held the food up mocking it infront of DS and his mutual friends. I wasn't there to have seen it, and I don't know what to say after hearing that 🤔😮, he's usually such a kind child"

DarlingNikita · 29/05/2018 17:27

I would also tell the parents. I'm not especially proud to admit that I'd be quite PA about it it too Blush – 'For the future you might have to give your child a lunch for the next day as he didn't like what I gave him.'

Maybe it was 'just' showing off, and kids do it, etc, etc, but he's also old enough to have a discussion with his parents about manners and gratitude.

summerinrome · 29/05/2018 17:28

My biggest concern would not the be offending packed lunch, I would want to know if he is behaving like this regularly towards my ds. Using your dc as the class entertainment is no friendship, and his god awful manners about your sweetly packed lunch would mean he would most definitely be off our list for sleepovers in the future.

Talk to your ds and find out what kind of friend he is most of the time, and if this brattish behaviour features regularly then I would encourage my ds to quietly drop him.

Telling his mother will just cause embarrassment, your call

ALongHardWinter · 29/05/2018 17:28

I think this kid was just being a nasty little show off. That packed lunch sounds fine to me. Although no doubt someone will be along soon to rip it to shreds in terms of nutrition.......

diddl · 29/05/2018 17:29

Why wouldn't you say something?

I'd want to know so that I could tell my child how disappointed I was in their behaviour.

diddl · 29/05/2018 17:30

How does your son feel about it Op?

Does he want to continue the friendship?

ittakes2 · 29/05/2018 17:32

Seems like a fairly standard lunch - and I don't think you are being oversensitive. But I wouldn't ditch the friendship over it - if children can't make mistakes as children then when in life can they make mistakes. But at the same time if he repeatedly did this sort of thing I wouldn't go out of my way to encourage the friendship. It's not about your lunch - it's about how he made your son, ie his friend, feel. And its good to encourage your son to invest his time in people who make him feel good about himself rather than someone who is prepared to embarrass him in front of others.

LighthouseSouth · 29/05/2018 17:33

Id tell the parents, I'd want to know.

Pengggwn · 29/05/2018 17:34

That's unpleasant, bullying behaviour and he wouldn't be coming back.

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