Not to invite this child back again?

[Peterrabbitscarrots]

AIBU or oversensitive? DS11 has a friend for a sleepover at our house last night, and I made both of them a packed lunch for school today. It was a fairly standard packed lunch - ham sandwich, mandarin, packet of crisps, bottle of water and small drinking youghurt. The friend is almost 12 and has stayed at our house quite a few times. I know his mum fairly well through school events . There are no SEN etc.

DS came home and told me that the friend made fun of the lunch I had provided in front of all their mutual friends. Apparently it was “rubbish” and “disgusting” and he held the items up, laughing at them.

WIBU not to invite this friend back, or am I being ridiculous? They are going to different secondary schools in September and we don’t live near them so it’s not really s big issue. My DS is rarely invited to their house but this is due to the parents’ working patterns etc.

I have absolutely no idea why OP shoudn't just talk to his mum. She doesn't have to rant, she could just say she was disappointed to hear that his packed lunch wasn't up to his standards and maybe she should send him with one, or a lots of acceptable foods, next time he has a sleep over.

Tells her he is still invited, but has some work to do in the friendship stakes.

lots = list

My dd can be a tosspot despite all my best efforts. I’m continuously mortified by her behaviour. Would I want to know about yet another incident? No. I’m doing my best. Why would you think a mother doesn’t know her son.

I don't think it helps to tell his parents as in a matter of weeks you are all going your separate ways. I am sure the mother knows what her child is like, and I doubt very much anything but bad feeling can be gained by telling her. We have no idea how she will react, and I would not want a falling out so close to the end of my child's school life with that particular school.

The mother will take it up with her son, and his behaviour could become worse. No point unless you were staying, then it would be worth addressing the issues.

I would probably invite him around again then jovially inform him that I knew that he was very vocally less than impressed with his lunch - make it lighthearted enough to not be cruel but direct enough to give him food for thought so he gets a bit embarrassed

Surely it's up to your DS whether the child is invited again?

Oh it's normal. Just kids being bratty.
More excuses for down right rude behaviour.
If it were my child talking like about another child's mother after the same women had kept her over night and and fed her.
I'd damn well want to know.

I would let the mum know that he wasn't keen on the packed lunch. To be honest I'd probably sort of apologise and just ask what he'd prefer in the future. If he is just being a bratty show off, there's no harm in his mum just explaining to him that it was rude, and it must've been unpleasant for your child.
I once had a child over who apparently ate everything. But not homemade pizza. Just shop bought pizza. And not our fish fingers (back up) or our spaghetti hoops... (second back up) I had to tell the mum as she ended up not eating at all..

YANBU I wouldn’t let him back in my house again, and I would contact his mother! some may say that I am over reacting but I am just thinking about how your son felt when his “so-called” friend was doing this to him in front of other friends.

OP, is your son ok now?

Deoends how upset your ds was.

If he wasn't really then leave it and don't invite him back

Tell the Mum OP I would want to know if my child was carrying on like this. Just say what happened and its then upto her to decide what to say to him.
Also he wouldnt be staying again in my house, if it was me.

Haha, OP, this reminds me of a French exchange we hosted many years ago. Not knowing anything about our French girl I played safe and provided a similar lunch. She looked at it with absolute disgust and informed me she required vegetables and fruit. I was mortified. (She also asked me to get her up at 6am every day so she could do her hair with my hairdryer, it was a trying visit...)

I wouldn’t be offended about the lunch but I would be put out that he was humiliating your DS in front of their friends by mocking it. I would definitely pick him up on it next time he visits.

Regardless of if this is just kids being kids, he was rude, ungrateful and made your son feel embarrassed in front of his friends and that isn't acceptable behaviour.

I'd text his mother about the forgotten hoodie and calmly inform her about what's happened and let her deal with it from there.

If I were friend's mum I'd want to know.

My DS is thankfully very chilled about it, he doesn’t get annoyed easily (unlike me). This particular friend is usually well behaved but tends to be quite fickle eg dropped DS recently for a more popular group then came running back as they didn’t want him to join in. Probably no bad thing that they’ll be going separate ways in September.

We go to a theme park every July and DS wants to invite this friend. I’ll wait and see how the next few weeks pan out at school. I guess I’ll go with what DS wants

As the parent I would want to know, however, while I don’t think that calling most twelve year olds show offs is excusing bad behaviour, I do think that at tha age many children do lack some social skills and end up saying or doing things in ways which are offensive but which they don’t yet have the maturity to know are offensive since they just see them as being show-offy iyswim.

By way of an example, I am a musician. Many, many years ago when I was about the same age I was actually asked to accompany a woman who was a decent singer at a local event. While we were rehearsing, she did one of the songs she was going to do, and afterwards she asked me how it sounded. Bearing in mind I was about eleven/twelve I told her it sounded alright, to which she responded “just alright?” To which I replied “well what would you like me to say? It was great? Wonderful? Fantastic?” When I got home I overheard my parents talking about it and my mum, who is not the most diplomatic anyway, said that she was embarrassed for anyone to ask me anything because of how I might respond. I was of course out of order, no question, but in truth I was just a blunt twelve year old who said the first thing that came to my head.

I didn’t get told off, but at dinner my dad very calmly and diplomatically suggested that when I speak to people I need to sometimes think about what I say and how I say it because people can of course take offence if yu say something quite so bluntly.

It was a lesson which served me well and which I have used in the past for pulling my DC up on the way they speak to adults in the same way they might speak to their friends for instance.

I definitely learned from it, and although I have always spoken my mind that one incident did not make me a c*t as some might suggest....

OP, did your ds say how the other children responded?

Also, was he bothered by it? Or more embarrassed by his mate?

I certainly wouldn’t ban the lad from my house, I would make that up to DS, but I would find a way to put across that his reaction wasn’t ok....

I wouldn't invite him back to your home. 12 is old enough to know better.

My DC wouldn't have done this at 5 years old. They would have come home and told me they didn't like the food and that would have been it.

If my DC behaved as this child did...I'd really like to know about it. ...because it's rude and ungrateful and they'd be getting a punishment for it.

It's just not acceptable.

@Flutterbyeee - your post of 17.20 is vile.

Teaandtoast - yes my post was vile. Calling a child a c*"t is perfectly fine. Troll off.

I'd leave it up to my DS if he wanted the boy to visit again. If it was a sleepover before a school day again then I would ask the boy what food he prefers (out of what you have) and subtly let him know that you know that he said he didn't enjoy it last time.

The child doesn't know he was called a cunt. Meaningless. Your post was disgusting.

I'd be guided by your son. Mine had a friend around for a sleepover and my son doesn't want him back. I was relieved as I couldn't have had him again. He had no table manners, pretty much ignored my son the whole time or made fun of him. Refused to come off screens at well past bedtime, was back on them far too early and had no manners at all. We were glad to see the back of him tbh.

It's a storm in a lunchbox, tbh, don't stress.

My tuppenceworth, in the last year of junior school a boy randomly punched DS "properly hard" in the playground. DS did logic and reason and indignation in equal measure to no effect because the following day the same boy punched DS in the playground. Day 3, you guessed it, the boy punched DS. This time DS punched back. Within two months they were the best of friends and have continued so to this day, ten years on.

Kids do random and occasionally hurtful stuff but they grow out of it.

Oh I’d let your ds invite him if he wants to, but ask his mum for a pack lunch ‘last time I made him one he said it was pathetic and disgusting hahahhahahahha’
Then make the worlds greatest ever pack lunch. I’m taking a huge gateaux and several types of crisps

I think that sounds a lovely lunch. OP you are very welcome to make all my packed lunches for me in future and I will eat every scrap and lick out the drinking yogurt container.