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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite this child back again?

108 replies

Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 17:05

AIBU or oversensitive? DS11 has a friend for a sleepover at our house last night, and I made both of them a packed lunch for school today. It was a fairly standard packed lunch - ham sandwich, mandarin, packet of crisps, bottle of water and small drinking youghurt. The friend is almost 12 and has stayed at our house quite a few times. I know his mum fairly well through school events . There are no SEN etc.

DS came home and told me that the friend made fun of the lunch I had provided in front of all their mutual friends. Apparently it was “rubbish” and “disgusting” and he held the items up, laughing at them.

WIBU not to invite this friend back, or am I being ridiculous? They are going to different secondary schools in September and we don’t live near them so it’s not really s big issue. My DS is rarely invited to their house but this is due to the parents’ working patterns etc.

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 29/05/2018 18:42

It sounds like he got carried away with being centre of attention and would benefit from being told off. I especially don't like that he was mocking your son which could be considered bullying.

I think I might message the mum something like:

"Hi XXX! Just letting you know that everything went well with the sleepover. Just one thing: I think it would be a good idea if you provided his lunch next time as apparently, he wasn't too impressed with the one I gave him! :) "

I would have a 'no hard feelings / think you should know' vibe. (I think many mums would want to know if their child behaved like this.)

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 18:45

DS just sort of shrugged when I asked him about it again, thankfully he’s not bothered. He said he loved his lunch though. Funnily enough, it was a boring lunch compared to what I usually send - DS often brings a hot lunch in a food flask eg pasta, but I wanted to play it safe as I wasn’t sure what this child would eat! Apparently it was the drinking yoghurt that was the main source of mirth today, so looks like DH will be getting them in his lunch till they’re gone Grin

OP posts:
Stinkywink · 29/05/2018 18:45

If he's nearly 12, wouldn't that make him Y7 rather than Y6 as your posts suggests?

SandyY2K · 29/05/2018 18:46

I wouldn't give my DC the option to have him over again. If my child did that...I'd make them apogise to your DS and to you.

The relaxed attitude from some pp shows why some kids will never learn and grow up accordingly. It's poor parenting IMO.

stressedoutfred · 29/05/2018 18:46

I'm guessing not in England if he's in school today @KittyHawke80

stressedoutfred · 29/05/2018 18:47

Tagged wrong person, I meant @Stinkywink BlushGrin

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 18:48

We are in NI so they are in P7 (last year of primary school, equivalent to year 6 in England). Our birthday cut offs for academic years are slightly different - children born on 1st July onwards are the eldest in their year and those born on 30th June would be the youngest.

OP posts:
stressedoutfred · 29/05/2018 18:48

I'd want to know if either of my DS's had behaved like that.

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 18:48

Yes sadly we only get 2 days for the summer half term here too, and summer break starts at the end of June.

OP posts:
Pollypudding · 29/05/2018 18:53

YABU having a sleepover on a school nightWink

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 18:55

I was thinking the same Polly when they were still awake at 1am this morning!

OP posts:
Shiftymake · 29/05/2018 18:56

I would most certainly want to know if/when my ds does things like this. There is very little a parent can do about behavior like this without knowing about it.

greendale17 · 29/05/2018 18:59

It was rude but also embarrassing for your daughter doing it in front of his mates.

Flutterbyeee · 29/05/2018 19:01

Go and find someone else to bully teaandtoast. You will get no joy from me.

Vicky1990 · 29/05/2018 19:06

I would ask DS if he would like friend to come again, if no then forget it.
If yes then invite friend but this time ask him what he would like for his lunch.
I would not do anything to embarrass DS.

DoubleNegativePanda · 29/05/2018 19:08

My dd has a very rude friend like this, I can't stand the girl. I don't stop them being friends, and if she's invited there I don't say anything but I no longer include her in things we do. Used to take her on outings etc. and that's stopped long ago.

greenvalleys · 29/05/2018 19:08

Years ago something very similar happened to me. I had a friend round for tea, and my mum had made us both a lovely meal. I was mortified to hear my friend slagging the meal off the next day to other friends. It was just so hurtful, because my mum had made an extra effort.

I've got an awful memory, but for some reason I've never forgotten it. I never liked the friend much after that.

CoughLaughFart · 29/05/2018 19:19

Surely it's up to your DS whether the child is invited again?

The OP is the adult here. You don’t let an 11 year-old dictate who can and can’t be entertained in your house.

OP - this boy sounds like a bit of a fair weather friend; happy to ditch your son in favour of more popular kids, then mocking him to show off (probably in the hope of impressing others). He’s unlikely to be the type who’ll bother making an effort to stay in touch once they’re at different schools, so I’d be tempted to let this incident slide and hope the same thing happens to the friendship.

TatianaLarina · 29/05/2018 19:26

Massive over-reaction.

He was rude in the way some kids are, he has no manners, but binning him is way OTT.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/05/2018 19:27

Nope; the kid’s a little cunt

Behaving like this at 11/12 means you’re a tosspiece with useless parents

Your comments make you sound like a bit of a nasty piece of work yourself.

MismatchedPJs · 29/05/2018 19:32

If DS wants him over again, let him, but tell his parents why you won't be doing lunch for him. Chances are it won't come up anyway, term will end that'll be the last of it.

NellMangel · 29/05/2018 19:33

I wouldn't take it personally - just daft boy banter. Too cool for school (packed lunch).

Bet he'll be mortified that your DS has mentioned it.

sherazade · 29/05/2018 20:09

My dd had a rude friend . I really went out in a limb for her doing some baking - she asked for a chocolate cake and they wanted to bake with me so I took dd and her friend shopping , picked ingredients together and I let them help me bake it . I even told her mum to let her stay an extra hour or two for it . When the cake was done , she was pushing it around her plate going on about how horrible it was , how I should stick to ready mixed batter , how it was like cardboard etc. Needless to say I was really reluctant to have her over again .

KittyHawke80 · 29/05/2018 20:11

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boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 20:20

op, kids can be silly, i wouldn't get too bogged down by it-really it is such a trivial matter.m I certainly wouldn't ban him from your house over it.