Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite this child back again?

108 replies

Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 17:05

AIBU or oversensitive? DS11 has a friend for a sleepover at our house last night, and I made both of them a packed lunch for school today. It was a fairly standard packed lunch - ham sandwich, mandarin, packet of crisps, bottle of water and small drinking youghurt. The friend is almost 12 and has stayed at our house quite a few times. I know his mum fairly well through school events . There are no SEN etc.

DS came home and told me that the friend made fun of the lunch I had provided in front of all their mutual friends. Apparently it was “rubbish” and “disgusting” and he held the items up, laughing at them.

WIBU not to invite this friend back, or am I being ridiculous? They are going to different secondary schools in September and we don’t live near them so it’s not really s big issue. My DS is rarely invited to their house but this is due to the parents’ working patterns etc.

OP posts:
boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 20:23

''Nope; the kid’s a little cunt....Behaving like this at 11/12 means you’re a tosspiece with useless parents.''

ffs will you get a grip-you are talking about an 11 yo boy here-not a 32 yo man. Kids are immature and silly-he made fun of a lunch-hardly killed somebody now.

InspMorse · 29/05/2018 20:24

Rude boy.

boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 20:29

''This particular friend is usually well behaved but tends to be quite fickle eg dropped DS recently for a more popular group then came running back as they didn’t want him to join in.''

many kids are like this especially at that age- i wouldn't be too harsh on him.

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 20:30

Thanks again for all the replies. Sherazade immsure that was very hurtful

OP posts:
Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 20:31

*I’m sure

OP posts:
boilerhouse2007 · 29/05/2018 20:35

''I wouldn't take it personally - just daft boy banter. Too cool for school (packed lunch). ''

exactly we are talking about an 11 year old boy here yet some of the posts on how they get offended by a kid being silly is amusing.

starzig · 29/05/2018 20:37

I woikd let him stay over again but just dont make him a lunch. Let him go without and he may start appreciating what he gets

SalemBlackCat · 29/05/2018 20:38

You really should tell his mother. Even in an off-handed way. I think she should know if her son is being rude in other people's homes (yes I know it was at school but it was about a lunch you made). I would want to know.

Flutterbyeee · 29/05/2018 20:41

You get so many fucking idiots on here. Bored twats who get joy from trying to antagonise others. You just cannot fix stupid.

SabineUndine · 29/05/2018 20:42

I’d actually want to know what he usually gets that’s so very different.

springsummer12 · 29/05/2018 20:46

Very rude but he’s just 12 so he’s still learning about the world. Try to remember you’re the adult in this situation and being passive aggressive won’t help him learn manners. Best to be direct and tell either the parent or the boy how you feel about it. I’d recommend going with the parent as you’ve said she’s nice so I expect she will make sure he learns from it!

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 20:50

Surely it's up to your DS whether the child is invited again
No, not really.
How many times do we hear, ' your house, your rules'?

zzzzz · 29/05/2018 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovemusic33 · 29/05/2018 21:17

I would let him stay again and pack him another lunch, this time make sure you pack him something awful.

My dd has a friend like this, she goes to his house a lot and his parents take my dd to many places, I have taken this boy out once and he was so rude (slagged off the food I bought him in Pizza Hut, moaned about the sweets I provided for the cinema and asked me for cash after he stuck his in a arcade game), I have never invited him over or out again.

emmyrose2000 · 30/05/2018 05:54

I'd tell his mother and woudn't have him over again.

Not only was he rude to his friend, and possibly embarrassed him in front of his other friends, he was disrespectful to his friend's mother (you).

Everywhereilookaround · 30/05/2018 06:11

Yanbu
It's hard telling the parents, but I would want to know. That said I'm not sure I would be brave enough to do it myself....! I personally wouldn't have the child over again unless he had apologized, it's a form of social bullying and my DS gets it a lot (he's disabled) so I know how much it hurts to see our kids go through it. Why would you want a child sleep over again that is mocking your son at school? What message is that giving your child?

Tell the school so they can address this with the whole class.
Children can be cruel, but they all need to learn, and they won't learn unless us grown ups teach them.
I'd also talk to your son about how it made him feel, and ways he can empower himself if it happens again.

Monty27 · 30/05/2018 06:18

Assuming your ds is fond of him and he sleeps over on a school night again. Point them to the fridge to make their own. That'll keep them amused for a while and you can have a little laugh too Smile

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2018 06:48

Dd is a couple of years younger than your ds and we invited a boy over to our house. This was almost 18 months ago.. The boy is now 9 or 10 and (yr5) and he started slagging me off a couple of weeks ago in front of the kids as dd and I walked by. We ignored him. He was very rude to me several times at the play date and eff’d and blinded (only 8 at the time). He never came over again and a lot of this is because dd was shocked by his behaviour and didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.

What does your ds think about this boy? Some children do get a lot of bravado especially if they haven’t been taught good boundaries. Rather like this boy we invited, it sounds as if he was just showing off. I recognise this boy we invited has low self esteem. And had dd wanted him over again, I probably would have given him another chance but been more prepared for the behaviour and given more rules.

Whatever you decide, I’d try to get your ds on board and make it more of a joint decision.

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2018 08:56

Surely it's up to your DS whether the child is invited again
No, not really.
How many times do we hear, ' your house, your rules'?

A little too often sometimes.

From the point of view of the OP's DS, he's told his mum about the lunch incident (which he himself is perfectly chilled about, but understandably a little pissed off - hence mentioning it) and then his friend is subsequently banned from his house.

I don't think it would be long before he realised talking openly to his mum, can backfire on him and I'm sure that's not what the OP wants, especially heading towards his teenage years.

I'd mention the friend's behaviour to his mum, but ultimately I'd leave any banning decisions to the OP's son.

Vicky1990 · 30/05/2018 12:13

Well said Worra, wise words.

Whereismumhiding2 · 30/05/2018 15:19

I just want to repeat my earlier point, I would want to know of it was any of my DC did that. (Some PPs said same too).

I doubt it is a one off behaviour from child, maybe to OP/DS but not necc to others. I don't think it's "just boys" or "just kids" , there was an unkindness in what the other boy did after staying over. Probably from bravado but still... I'm not sure I'd want my DS growing up that way, so I'd want to know and to nip it in the bud if I was the parent. And I've nipped plenty of things in the bud as that's my job as DCs mum. So I would want to know myself.

I think it's fair to let other parents parent their own DC, so it's up to the other mum whether or how she deals with it.

I've had those awkward convos with other parent friends, and they with me (!), and I've been glad each & every time to know, and each time I haven't had to sit on something a bit upsetting to my DC or to me. It started a chat with my DC or between them and their DC.

When I have said anything (or someone to me), I (& they) have been carefully factual & circumspect (including that we weren't there so don't know if that was how it happened or if there was another side).

And trusted that friendships survive kind openness. That's just my natural style (it's my professional work style too) so I get it's not for everybody.

Whereismumhiding2 · 30/05/2018 15:21

I don't fight my DC's battles but occasionally something does come up that is Hmm and OP YANBU to be a bit Hmm about it as it made you feel you didn't want to invite that child over again.

Mintychoc1 · 30/05/2018 21:42

Take him on your annual theme park summer trip, tell him to bring his own packed lunch, then tease him about it!

Summerthunder · 30/05/2018 21:52

Apparently it was the drinking yoghurt that was the main source of mirth today, so looks like DH will be getting them in his lunch till they’re gone

So it was 1 item not the whole lunch box? So basically an 11 year old laughed at some drinking yoghurt and you felt the need to start a thread on mumsnet....really OP pull yourself together.

Original poster
Peterrabbitscarrots · 30/05/2018 22:17

So it was 1 item not the whole lunch box? So basically an 11 year old laughed at some drinking yoghurt and you felt the need to start a thread on mumsnet....really OP pull yourself together.

No. He made fun of all the items but mainly the yoghurt - as I said in my posts. If the thread upsets you there’s no need to read or comment Hmm

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread