All men fancy younger women

[Violetshift]

I think I am insanely jealous. So don’t know whether I am BU?

My partner has started tutoring a 19 year old. He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9.

He hasn’t said much about her. I showed him a Facebook picture of her as I know of her. He said she is prettier than that in real life.
Now he thinks this is subjective and nothing untoward. Like he thinks our daughter is pretty.

AIBU and just a jealous hag?

''try being baffled at yourself, because it is FAR from as simple as you think. Science is complicated, who knew>''

and you say i write ''barely literate nonsense''?? Go look up irony.

@boilerhouse2007 is there a pink brain and a blue brain?

Do men fancy young women? Often yes.

Does that mean they are going to sleep with every one they come in to contact with or leave their wives for them? No.

I'm fine with my DH occasionally saying he finds another women cute or whatever because I know it's a comment about them, not about how he feels about me.

A PhD in 'science' and the best you can come up with is the male brain and sex drive work differently 🙄

''is there a pink brain and a blue brain?''

In ways yes, all species show differences in behaviors and instincts- it is thought to be both hormones and environment that determines how males and females of every species display different traits. For instance, studies in rats show the female to be more compassionate and considerate for her female rats. A female rat will try to save other rats when drowning while a male will try to save himself, likewise male rats are less likely to share food at times of starvation. It is thought this may stem from inherent maternal instincts in females. There are differences between the sexes that go beyond the physical.

Other examples are serial killers-vast majority are male. Could list more but you get my point...

DP doesn't find 18 year olds attractive in that way - he says looking back at himself at 18 he was naive and quite childish and so it's not that attractive anymore as he would rather have someone he knows is mentally and emotionally on par with him.
He can objectively see that many are very pretty though, of course he can, he has eyes. My mum would often say some of my teenaged friends were very pretty, because she doesn't have a penis does it make it any different?

are you asking if a man finds attractive 19y old woman (sorry ladies, she's not a "child", she's a young female who most likely enjoying great sex) who is very pretty?
of course he does! that doesn't mean he doesn't love you, will cheat ect. It's just mean he a normal bloke.

And we're only 5 years older let alone 20.

''For instance, studies in rats show the female to be more compassionate and considerate for her female rats. ''

sorry that should read ''for her fellow rats.''

i find it laughable that people say their husbands wouldn’t fancy young women

What a bizarre comment! Personally neither dh or I would fancy anyone under 40. It’s what you find attractive. We are happily married but I know if my dh was single and on the look out he would also exclude obese women/Asian women too. That’s not being unkind it’s jist neither are his type.

Similarly I don’t fancy skinny men or Japanese men. Or men under 40.

Each to their own.

But of course you notice pretty girls or handsome blokes. But fancy no. I find it incredible when men and women date people of similar ages to their kids. Bloody strange.

For instance, studies in rats show the female to be more compassionate and considerate for her female rats

Come on now, if you are any kind of scientist you know that isn't the conclusion to be drawn. There is no evidence that rats can or do feel "compassion", you are antropomorphising the results and the animals.

I think I fear the coolidge effect. The fact that variety is more exciting etc.

It scares me I am not sure why.

because you have a serious problem with jealousy. Its your problem, stop blaming it on everything but yourself.

"He is a teacher but she is resisting as she wants a grade 9."

I presume that means she is having the tutoring because she wants a high grade. 19 is quite old for doing GCSEs surely?

@violet but even if he does find her attractive what makes you think he would ever act on it?

It sounds like he'd have far too much to lose personally and professionally. A good man, a good husband and a professional wouldn't risk losing all of that just because he finds a 19 year old attractive.

I guess you need to work out if he's one of the good ones ( sounds like he is)

I am sure he loved you op and as such isn’t interested.

Or she in him that way. Most students and teachers really arnt

Even if your dh does find another woman attractive, so what? He is allowed to think "she's pretty". Doesn't mean he's going to act on it

''I find it incredible when men and women date people of similar ages to their kids. Bloody strange.''

It is not common but I met a couple where the man was mid 50s and the woman was about 30 on holiday and initally thought it strange but after hanging out with them everybody in my group thought that they made an excellent couple and we totally forgot about their age. They really really got on and connected. My best friends parents had around 16 years between them and have been married since the 70s with 3 kids.
My next door neighbours were over 25 tears apart in age [man being the elder] and he died before I was born so I never knew them but they had 5 kids and my parents said they were very happy all their years together. Big downside of marrying older is he/she will likely die years before you-he died nearly 30 years before her. A big age gap is not as bad as people imagine.
Look at Hollywood golden couples such as Michael Douglas/CJP[25 yr difference] or Megan Fox/Brian Austen[13 years] or Harrison Ford/Calishata Folkart [22 years] Jason Statham is 20 year older than his wife and Bruce Willis is 23 years his wife's senior...

All these relationships above have being going strong for over a decade[long time in Hollywood] when many married couples of similar age [both in Hollywood and in the real world] don't get to the 5 year mark so I think the stance here than people should marry ppl of the same age is moot. If they are consenting adults and happy then let them be, an adult is an adult at the end of the day and they can be with who they want to be with...

''I find it incredible when men and women date people of similar ages to their kids. Bloody strange.''

9/10 I bet the woman has zero or little relationship with her father when its older man/younger lady

''Come on now, if you are any kind of scientist you know that isn't the conclusion to be drawn. There is no evidence that rats can or do feel "compassion", you are antropomorphising the results and the animals.''

ok then Einstein so what is your theory? And yes much thought in the Scientific world is that animals have emotions and compassion similar to humans. For instance elephants who have still borns will grieve similar to a female who encounters such an ordeal. They will display classic traits of grief and sadness such as refusal of food, lack of communication and refuse food and avoid physical movement...Elephants will also pay homage to their dead and when they see a remains of an elephant they will often stop and stand in silence with their heads down before moving on. Domestic animals such as dogs show signs of grieving when an owner or animal companion is removed in studies. Animals such as sheep have being shown to show signs of stress and depression when separated from their offspring. To say that there is no evidence that animals lack compassion or emotion is bizarre.

''9/10 I bet the woman has zero or little relationship with her father when its older man/younger lady''

Actually it is more likely that the female would be attracted to an older male because he would be less likely to stray, more mature, financially more stable and be in the zone to raise children together. Females will often be seeking out a good father figure for children as well as companionship when seeking out a partner which is why females are alot less driven by features such as physical attractiveness when seeking a partner than their male counterparts.

''Most people hover around average. Mother nature is very even handed in that way.''

yep well this is the solid rule otherwise there would be no beauty, physical beauty is only so revered because it is rare. Put 100 ppl in a room, some are hideously unattractive[sorry if that sounds offensive but it is just Science], most average and that select few that will be aesthetically beautiful according to western world standards.

I think some of the conversation is at cross-purposes, on the interpretation of "fancy". To me "fancy" means who I would like to shag, not who I would try to shag.

There was a post up-thread that said a survey showed that men prefer women of a similar age. If the question was who they would contact on a dating site, I can believe that. But if the question was who they wanted as a physical model for a sex-robot they can have unlimited sex with, I don't.

There was a widely reported result from a dating company analysis of who their customers looked at, and it showed the essentially all men preferred to look at woman aged 21/22, but women looked at people their own age, up to about 40 I think, women older than that tended to look at that age.

''There was a widely reported result from a dating company analysis of who their customers looked at, and it showed the essentially all men preferred to look at woman aged 21/22''

Yep i would well believe that but you are likely going to get heckled here for reminding women that men are much more likely to be visually stimulated by young and attractive females.