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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Giving toy guns as gifts

258 replies

juneau · 28/05/2018 19:11

I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable or whether others feel like this.

DS was 7 earlier this month and he had a party which his school friends came to and he was given three toy guns as gifts. Now I know it's up to people what they give and that as the recipient's parent I don't get a say, and I should be grateful that these DC came to his party and brought him a gift (and I am), but I would never give a gun as a gift. I think it's really inappropriate and I'm very uncomfortable with having even toy guns in my house. Seeing my 7-year-old running around with a gun (albeit a plastic one), and shooting at us and laughing is horrible. And of course he loves them and he was given them and if I took them away then I'd be the bad guy

OP posts:

User467 · 29/05/2018 12:59

My son was given a nerf gun as a gift two days after I had told him he wasn't allowed them. I was surprised that someone would give one is a gift TBH. It s partly the gun aspect but mostly they are a pain in the ass. We ended up with foam bullets firing everywhere, hitting the telly, firing past faces. It "got lost" two days later. I can see they could be fun and he might end up with another in a few years but no, I don't think it's something you should buy for someone else's child (unless you know them and know they are allowed them)

Aragog · 29/05/2018 13:02

To me there is a big difference between these different types of toy guns.

Original poster

juneau · 29/05/2018 13:06

Okay, just to be clear, I don't expect my DC to grow up to be terrorists, just because they received Nerf guns as gifts. We had one or two toy guns in our house growing up and even shot an air rifle in the garden and so far I'm pretty sure I don't know any terrorists.

But I still wouldn't give a gun of any description to someone else's DC unless they had specifically asked me to buy them one.

OP posts:

firehousedog · 29/05/2018 13:08

Always reminds me Terminator Judgement Day and the scene with the children with toy guns, and Arnie saying that humans are obsessed with trying to destroy each other.

ProustianMadeleine · 29/05/2018 13:14

We own nerf guns. My children think they are the best thing ever and love to play in the garden with them. To be honest, we enjoy them too.

But I'd never buy an air gun, imitation bb gun for my own or give any gun (even nerf) as a gift. I know that some people don't like them so just wouldn't go there.

AllMYSmellySocks · 29/05/2018 13:30

I've given nerf guns as gifts but only to kids I knew had one already. I also gave a replica WW2 plane to a kids that I guess is violent but I knew he already had similar. I don't think I'd randomly give a gun to someone without knowing the parents view on them.

TSSDNCOP · 29/05/2018 14:09

I wouldn’t buy them for someone else’s child unless I knew categorically their parent allowed them.

I will say that not allowing them is a waste of time IMO. DC will fire from their fingers, use sticks or kitchen roll holders.

Kursk · 29/05/2018 14:17

I wouldn’t have a issue. Just like an axe, a gun is a tool. Used properly it’s fine.

DS and DD both own guns and a bow. They have been taught how to use them.

Trinity66 · 29/05/2018 14:19

It would honestly never have occurred to me that people would be annoyed about this

yeahforsummer · 29/05/2018 14:25

I wouldn't buy a replica gun as a DC present, I would cheerfully buy a water gun/soaker and would consider a Nerf. The last two are very popular with most DC and all the neighbourhood DC play with them as a group.

Myotherusernameisbest · 29/05/2018 16:55

my ds uses anything as a gun so banning them from him would be futile. He turns sticks, other toys, even paper into guns and pretends to shoot anything and everything who and which are the bad guys/aliens/monsters/robbers. I'm pretty certain he isn't going to grow up and be a terroist as he also plays at cooking and being a doctor quite regularly. My other ds recently went paintballing with friends and thought it was the most brilliant thing ever. again, don't think he'll be out shooting people next week for real.

I probably wouldnt buy as a gift though unless I knew the child and parents played with them just because some people can be so dramatic about it.

Pumperthepumper · 29/05/2018 18:27

This thread has been so interesting to read. I don’t let my son play with guns or swords - he’s also not allowed to play fight or rough and tumble. He’s a bit young for paintballing so I’m not sure what I’d do if he was invited to it but I wouldn’t be thrilled about him going. As for pretending sticks etc are guns, it’s easy to say ‘no, we don’t play with guns’ - we’ve had a few talks about how guns are only made to hurt people/animals and he gets it (also why guns are different to axes, although I’m doubt I’d let him have a toy axe either). Totally agree with the PP who said they don’t glamourise weapons. It’s such a devisive issue, I think most people would swerve giving a gun as a present - I suppose in the way most people would swerve giving makeup as a child’s present.

ICantCopeAnymore · 29/05/2018 19:03

Guns aren't only made to hurt people and animals though. They're also used for sport, targets, cans, air soft, paintball, water fights, Nerf, laser tag etc.

Ive found that the children I teach whose parents have banned weapons are the ones who are obsessed with them in imaginary play. Because they're so taboo, they are extra appealing. You also can't police what a child says at school. If they're playing guns with fingers, you won't be there to tell them no.

Pumperthepumper · 29/05/2018 19:22

You also can't police what a child says at school. If they're playing guns with fingers, you won't be there to tell them no.

Well, no, obviously. But that’s the same with most parenting isn’t it? There’s loads of things I don’t like him doing - swearing and eating an entire packet of biscuits, for example - but I’d do the best I can to explain to him why I don’t want him to do these things and why.

I’m also sceptical about him being obsessed with them in imaginary play - he doesn’t when he’s with me, and as far as I’m aware most (all?) of his friends’ parents feel the same as me about guns. I’d be surprised if he goes from never mentioning them to playing with imaginary ones all day at school.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 29/05/2018 21:13

I despair at adults imposing sinister and convoluted ideas on to kids with toy guns
Missing that in fact the kids have no dark intentions and shouldn’t be prevented from free play
Instead it’s a mc handwringing exercise,tutting and fretting in case their child handles a toy gun or is in proximity to a toy gun
Don’t foist your adult misgivings about firearms onto kids,and don’t deny your child free play

Pumperthepumper · 29/05/2018 21:46

Don’t foist your adult misgivings about firearms onto kids

What does this mean? What benefits are there to children playing with guns? Benefits relating specifically to guns instead of other imaginative play?

Just so we’re clear, I don’t think my son is going to grow up to be a murderer if I let him play with a toy gun. I just don’t think it’s an appropriate toy and I’d rather he played with something else. Because we know the damage real guns cause and we know what the intention of a real gun is.

reeldoop · 29/05/2018 21:49

though I kind of agree with you, you're fighting a losing battle on the Nerf guns my friend.

AmazingPostVoices · 29/05/2018 22:50

Don’t foist your adult misgivings about firearms onto kids,and don’t deny your child free play

Bollocks.

As a parent I “foist” all sorts of views and misgivings on my children regarding my principles and opinions.

Just like everyone else.

People have lines in different places but it’s such a cop out to say “you’re fighting a losing battle”.

No I’m not.

This isn’t a point of “battle” in our home but regardless I’m in charge, being on the “winning” side is the default position.

As for “denying free play” really?

They have access to a houseful of toys, saying “no” to one particular category of toy is hardly constraining their imaginations.

reeldoop · 29/05/2018 23:12

Come back to me when your kids are 15 and tell me theyve never played with a Nerf gun. Or been paintballing. Or been to a Nerf Gun party now!

mnistooaddictive · 29/05/2018 23:15

Dd1 (11) is ASD and her brain can’t deal with the difference between real and ‘play’ threat. Staying with my brother last summer was a nightmare as his kids kept getting nerf guns out (even after I hid them) and then dd will fight to the death and hurt people because her brain thinks she really is under threat. This is why we have a no weapons rule in our house. I gave always been against laser tag and paint balling as I don’t think war is a game.

I would be furious if anyone bought my kids any kind of gun.

Deshasafraisy · 29/05/2018 23:19

Children play games that reflect what they are being taught and shown. If your 5 year old is wanting to play with toy guns, where did they see that sort of behaviour in order to imitate it? My 7 year old has never been exposed to weapons, on tv, in chat in games or wherever so therefore doesn’t want to play with them. Don’t expose your kids to violence.

Delphiniumum · 29/05/2018 23:21

If your 5 year old is wanting to play with toy guns...

Maybe they saw an advert for a NERF gun or a water pistol. Maybe they read about cowboys somewhere. You sound overbearing.

halcyondays · 29/05/2018 23:21

We gave out water pistols as a party bag toy once which went down very well. It wouldn't have occurred to me that water guns would be contentious but wouldn't give a replica type gun as a present.

Deshasafraisy · 29/05/2018 23:22

It’s easy to let your kids watch tv without adverts. You sound lazy

Delphiniumum · 29/05/2018 23:24

being on the “winning” side is the default position.

you really think you'll always win?

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