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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Giving toy guns as gifts

258 replies

juneau · 28/05/2018 19:11

I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable or whether others feel like this.

DS was 7 earlier this month and he had a party which his school friends came to and he was given three toy guns as gifts. Now I know it's up to people what they give and that as the recipient's parent I don't get a say, and I should be grateful that these DC came to his party and brought him a gift (and I am), but I would never give a gun as a gift. I think it's really inappropriate and I'm very uncomfortable with having even toy guns in my house. Seeing my 7-year-old running around with a gun (albeit a plastic one), and shooting at us and laughing is horrible. And of course he loves them and he was given them and if I took them away then I'd be the bad guy Sad

OP posts:
Ankorna · 29/05/2018 08:58

But no I wouldn't give one as a gift to someone else's child

mancmummy1414 · 29/05/2018 09:09

They are banned in our house. Went to McDonald’s and the woman making balloons made my DS a gun, I was like no thanks I hate guns don’t allow him to play with them. So she offered him a sword...
The girls were getting balloon animals Hmm

Aragog · 29/05/2018 09:32

I don't like replica guns as toys but I do see water guns and Nerf guns in a different Iggy I think - mainly as they aren't replicas in that they don't look like real guns I guess.

I have given Nerf guns and water guns as gifts but it's been when requested ior I know the parent is happy with them.

UpstartCrow · 29/05/2018 09:33

I'd cheerfully give her kids a kazoo, a drum and a ouija board.
They're just toys...

UpstartCrow · 29/05/2018 09:34

Sorry that was to juneau in response to the snowflake comment Grin

Original poster
juneau · 29/05/2018 10:50

Grin UpstartCrow

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/05/2018 10:56

FWIW, in the olden days of the 60s my DB had more than one toy gun, inc. one with caps, that went bang. When a bit older he also had an air rifle, but the most damage he ever did with it was potting the heads off daffodils from his bedroom window.
He hasn't turned out to be a homicidal maniac, or even remotely violently inclined - rather the reverse.

HomeisbytheBay · 29/05/2018 11:41

I take it your son isn't allowed to do any sort of rough and tumble play either... Poor kid. Cotton wool society indeed!
Do you blend all your son's food? Because obviously you can't give him a knife! What if he stabs someone!?!

Original poster
juneau · 29/05/2018 11:45

Oh FFS stop making this about something it's not. The thread is about 'giving guns as gifts' and how I think this is inappropriate. I would not give a DC a toy weapon and I don't think it's appropriate that others do without checking first.

I predict that the next post will be telling me to leave my DH, as that's generally the advice on AIBU threads (regardless of the topic material). So go on, make my day.

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 29/05/2018 11:47

I hate guns, always avoided them when ds was little - until he got a mind of his own and would build them out of whatever he could lay his hands on anyway. He mixed with boys who owned loads and when playing with those boys it didn't seem fair for me to tell him not to.

But no, I'd never buy another child a toy gun for a present - precisely because they're so divisive and it's up to the parents to decide of they're ok with their dc having guns.

Soubriquet · 29/05/2018 11:50

juneau

LTB!! GrinGrin

SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 29/05/2018 11:57

I have given Nerf guns to loads of kids. They are not in the least bit like a real gun. We have a full armoury of them here in different styles.

Several of my son's classmates have had Nerf themed birthday parties. They all turn up with their weapon(s) of choice and eye protection. Out in the garden, chasing and shooting each other and targets. Everyone has fun. No one gets hurt. And they are all pretty well adjusted kids.

Where do you stand on laser quest and paintballing? Also great fun activities for all ages and no sign that they are linked to violence in adulthood.

KreigersClones · 29/05/2018 12:01

Can’t believe you’re pissed off someone got your son a water pistol?!?

Feckitall · 29/05/2018 12:03

TBH I would never have given it too much thought...I have given Nerf to a friends DGS but I know he had other toys guns...
My own DGS, I know their father would not have a problem but their mother might (not together) so I haven't bought them for them and give her anymore reasons to stop us seeing the DC. The gun is not the issue...it could be just about anything!

As children my DB and I both had guns, bows and arrows and swords...as did all our friends...we built dens in woods (Robin Hood)...played soldiers...made teepees in the garden...played knights..
What did kill one of my childhood friends was a car....Sad

Original poster
juneau · 29/05/2018 12:05

So something that looks like a gun and fires foam bullets is 'not in the least bit like a real gun'? Um, okay.

I'm not a fan of laser, but my kids have been to parties like this (because despite my reservations, I'm not a killjoy). So far we haven't had a paint balling party invitation, but I don't suppose it will be long (I have an older DS too). I know kids have fun - that wasn't my question.

OP posts:
MBDBBB · 29/05/2018 12:08

I have no issue with toy guns and wouldn’t object to one as a gift at all but I probably wouldn’t give one as a gift because I am aware that some people do object.

My DH is military though so guns are not considered something taboo in our house i.e. not all people who have guns are doing something bad with them.

sohelpmegoad · 29/05/2018 12:08

So whats the difference between paint balling and nerf guns or water pistols? I dont understand your objections?

Audree · 29/05/2018 12:12

Agree with titchy, I used to be against toy guns until ds started using a banana to pretend it was a gun.
Unless you specify that people shouldn’t buy certain gifts, I’m afraid YABU. Toy guns are very appreciated by some kids, and that’s what your kid might have thought.
I remember ds and his friends were very much into toy guns around 10 yo, it was all they would talk about. It didn’t last long.

Soubriquet · 29/05/2018 12:14

Laser quests, nerf guns and water guns I have no problem with.

I would not let my children go paintballing though.

My dad used to go with his mates and would come home with horrific bruises.

Despite having a no head shot policy, one still shot his forehead and he had a lovely bump which turned black very quickly

Original poster
juneau · 29/05/2018 12:16

I'm not going to answer any more questions about fucking paint balling or laser quest. Those are not what I asked. My question was about GIVING GUNS AS GIFTS, not anything else.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 29/05/2018 12:18

Its irrelevant how we feel about guns or whether or not we give them to our kids. Giving someone else's child a gun is no different from giving their vegetarian child a Big Mac.

SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 29/05/2018 12:18

You can't see the difference between brightly coloured plastic with foam bullets and black metal with metal bullets. Seriously? Confused

But then, we are an ex-military family, so more than a little familiar with what weapons actually look like. And it isn't Need guns or super soakers.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/05/2018 12:32

When DS1 was wee I wouldn't allow him toy guns. Then one day I pulled out the sofa and it turned out that Saddam had hidden his WMD there. Shock I have never seen a bigger toy arsenal. There were nerfs, space guns, replica machine guns and water pistols.

Everyone, including some older kids in the street, had given him guns on the sly because they felt sorry for him. Hmm Anyway I gave up, he played with them, grew up, got bored and has since given most of them away to other children whose parents don't allow them.

In the end, he had lots of fun with no adverse effects.

CauliflowerBalti · 29/05/2018 12:42

I banned guns when my boy was little. Not just guns, actually - tanks/soldiers/swords/anything glorifying war. He made EVERYTHING into a gun, and shot us/the animals all the time with his makeshift guns.

So I decided to introduce him to what a gun is.

I bought an air rifle when he was 6, and now we lie down in the garden and shoot targets together. He sees the damage they do to targets. (Yes, yes, the trigger is padlocked and the air rifle is locked away somewhere he/his friends can't reach).

He understands guns now, and what they can do, and he doesn't play gun games any more. He still likes nerf guns, but it's about the skill of targets, not war play. I have reframed gun play as a skill.

I wouldn't buy a replica gun/pistol for anyone. I have given nerf guns as gifts. Maybe I shouldn't have. I don't think you are being unreasonable for raising your child in the way you see fit.

SakuraBlossom · 29/05/2018 12:51

I don't like my DS's playing with guns and have never bought a replica one. However, I just got back form buying them both Nerf guns. It is the only thing, along with a bit of cricket, that gets them outside in the garden for more than 2 minutes.

I dont have a problem with receiving a Nerf gun, but wouldn't buy one as a present because all my DC's friend's parents are the type where the birthday spread is all organic with veggie dips and hummus. A Nerf gun would have most of them clutching at their pearls.

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