Aibu to advise my girls to marry equally

[Metoodear]

Watching a show last night about untouchable women who were seeking to change things for them and their families through education and

The head master of the school was explaining about why it’s important to get set up your self as a women before entering into marriage

Oh asked for my thoughts and I said knowing what I know now i totally agree and would advise my girls to marry equally in terms of that many of the issues I have had is because my marriage is unequal

My husband is better educated earns more his family is more together

And this has caused lots of issues and I dare say if I earned more or was better educated we would not be together and or some issues we have had wouldn’t have arose

And I see this with a lot of wealthy famous men they get with somone who has nothing and before you know it the piss taking starts because the Reality is you would likey end end destitute

My husband could come home now spit in my face and I would have to stay because I have no means to leave

how sad is thati wonder how many others are in my boat and I mean even if you have a nice husband how many could leave tomorrow if they wanted

My friends who has recently got a much better job has recently noticed a marked attitude change in her husband

Since he is no longer the breadwinner and user to wax lyrical about how he alone keeps the family afloat as dose my husband

Ime only a certain type of man is tempted by that kind of power. My father, my FIL, my grandfathers on both sides had wives who either didn't work or had far less earning power than they did: it would never have occurred to them to mock or sneer or think of their wives as anything but equal.

When I married dh, I entered his country as an immigrant, I had only just graduated, my earning power was negligible and after a few years I ended up looking after our disabled child. I still earn far less than him after 25 years of marriage. And I'm still a foreigner. But he would never think of using those things against me, because that's not how he sees our relationship.

What I would (and have) taught my dd is to recognise red flags. I am well aware that that doesn't solve all problems, as abusers can be very good at hiding who they are. But at least it is something.

Basically, imo the kind of person who takes pleasure from sneering and wielding power will find a way of doing so. The kind of person whom that makes uncomfortable will avoid it at any cost.

Much easier though when you know the person can’t leave

I have to say I went back to work when dd was settled in reception. Retrained from the bottom up. It enriched my marriage, my self esteem, and my perspective of the school gate. 15 years on i have a career, a pension and my own money in my pocket. I had no need to go to work but if dh dropped dead tomorrow I have another life to get me through. The dc are more independent and even if dh were to leave there is a me still here.

I agree a running away fund shouldn't be a necessity but nevertheless all women should have access to the car keys and enough money to survive for a couple of weeks.