Re punishment for not tidying Lego away

[GoodAfternoonSeattle]

My three year old daughter clearly sees me as a total pushover. She’s generally pretty well behaved anyway but if she does play up she simply doesn’t take me seriously if I tell her off, threaten punishment etc.

I will hold my hands up. This is because I’m not great at seeing through a punishment. It’s also because I feel mean doing it and she senses weakness.

But the time has come that I need to be a little harder. She’s getting older and I’m worried that when she’s in school etc and she misbehaves and it really matters, she won’t take me seriously and I won’t have any control over her. But the truth is I don’t really know what I’m doing.

So this morning she emptied her beloved Lego set all over the floor of the living room, after I told her not to. It was everywhere. I have a crawling baby. We were just getting ready to leave the house. I asked her to pick it up. She refused. I asked her again. She refused and said “you do it”. I said no, it’s your Lego and if you don’t pick it up the bits will go missing” “you pick it up Mummy”. Etc.

So I told her if she didn’t pick it up, I would take it away for today and she could have it back tomorrow. It had previously been agreed that she would sit and play Lego with DH tonight after her bath when he gets home from work (she loves this, as does DH) but the plan is that this will not be happening now. She isn’t bothered at the moment (“fine then”) but she will be tonight.

I mean is this ridiculous? Will she actually make the connection about this morning? I just don’t know how to do this.

OP your kid has done nothing wrong and you know it (hence why you feel she feels you are a pushover - no she knows you are a mum who listens). She wanted all her lego out - why did you tell her not too? whats wrong with that? She wanted to play with her toys. Normal child behaviour.

You say you feel bad for not following through with punishments because you feel 'weak'. No whats happening here is you feel bad because your instincts are telling you its wrong to punish her. Screaming at you I bet. You feel you have 'no control'. Good. She's not yours to control. She's speaking out and 'disobeying' because she has a voice.

You sound like an awesome mum actually who knows this doesn't sit right with you because deep down you know that she isn't yours to control or punish, she's just a lovely playful little girl who isn't doing anything wrong, and you 'punishing' her or trying to control her just isn't right. Listen to what your instincts are telling you, and listen to your daughter (who sounds awesome by the way).

Ill be flamed here for this but I give zero fucks.

So timing kids to see how fast they can do something. Can you do something faster than mummy. Some kids get wise to this quickly, some don't. The ones that don't are way easier to parent.

This is very true. I tried this when my oldest was 2/3, I wanted all the bricks picking up "Who can tidy up faster? Little Johnny or Mummy?" I asked. He looked at me as though I was completely mad. "Mummy is faster" he replied completely serious. 😂 Like why would you even ask such a ridiculous question. He has ASD and is very difficult to parent.

My 5 year old on the other hand, I can get him to do absolutely anything if I make it a competition.

She’s three and a half

She is more than old enough to understand the word no, OP. Stick to your guns or you'll have a torrid time.

She’s three! Could you not have shared the ‘pain’ and made it fun for her by tidying it up together? Encouragement works much better than punishment.

Oh Lord, yes, if you've got one like DS2 then you really have to - mine detects weakness and ruthlessly exploits it (as various baby sitters have discovered).

Now I love a bit of independence, but I expect consideration and reasonable-ness (eg. if the lego was in his room, it could linger a lot longer than if it was in the living room - although I'd warn him about losses/delicate feet being injured, and have little sympathy when those 2 things happened - although I would of course provide medical care!), and for safety, I need to know that if I yell 'DUCK' they will. I don't think I'm excessive, and my kids seem to be pretty normal.

There are plenty of things that she can do with her dad rather than the lego for one evening.

jeez just pick up her lego, help her out. shes only 3. this makes me so sad.

^ This exactly.

You’re just being ridiculous OP. It’s LEGO and she’s only 3 years old. Punish? You really need to have a word with yourself.

I agree with the making tidying up a game idea. Kids love to race. Make it into a race who can tidy up the lego the fastest. I do this with my 5 yr old ds. As soon as I say 5.......4...... he is pacing to get it done. You can be strict and fun at the same time. Don't be remembered as the strict moody mum.

It’s LEGO and she’s only 3 years old. Punish? You really need to have a word with yourself.

Why does it matter that it's LEGO? She's either old enough to understand 'no' or she isn't, unless you don't think she should be doing as asked by her mum?

3 is old enough to understand consequences if they’re closer to 4. Just turned 3 won’t understand and it’s best not to stress yourself over things like this until they’re 3.5.

My 4.5 year old refuses to do anything I ask her to do. I mean anything. From brushing teeth to picking up mess. However, she’ll do it in a shot if I ask her brother or sister just to get one over them!

A good trick is saying “thank you” when you ask them to do something like: “Can you pick up the Lego thank you! Very kind of you well done! Thank you!” Really enthusiastically. You’ll sound stupid to yourself, but it works for me every time. Saying “ThankYou” just does something and they’ll listen. Try it! You have to be really enthusiastic though 😂

That seems fine to me. I don't understand the outrage in some of these posts. My "three" year old was only 4 for 5 weeks before he started school. I would expect him to follow this type of instruction at school so I'd definitely need him to be doing try at home by then. I think you dealt with it fine OP. It's hard.

She’s three and a half

Yes, we know this, OP has said. What is your point?

My son has form for this. At three, I would have taken him by the hand, to the Lego, and stood with him until he started doing it.

Now he’s nearly 5, and if this ever happened I will take it away.

Saying “ThankYou” just does something and they’ll listen.

Yes, that works well too - although now DS has started doing things, and in a very firm voice telling me that I should thank him for making himself a chocolate spread sandwich/squirting water on all the doors to 'clean' them/colouring in a bank statement etc.

there are worse problems to have admittedly.

I think that saying thank you is showing respect. Kids do learn more from what you do than what you say they should do.

The posters who think it's 'so sad' that a 3 year old is asked to pick up their lego need to get a grip on their emotions.

Agree Laurie. And 3 year olds in decent nurseries will be asked to help tidy up.

I think you need to stick to the consequence you have already laid out. She tipped her lego when you told her not told and refused to tidy it up when you asked her to. So the lego goes for a day.

She's 3 so too young to make the connection between a punishment so long after the behaviour. It needs to be immediate. You obviously can't be too harsh on a 3 year old. She's only wee.

I would try a naughty step, usually only one minute for every age/year. Give her 2 warnings before following through on a consequence

If you have a lot of trouble with outings and behaviour then plan a trip out somewhere with the purpose of taking her home if she doesn't behave. Ie taking her to the park, she keeps running away and doesn't listen. Take her home, show her you'll follow through. (Maybe wait til she's 4 for the outing plan).

@HateSummer is right too. Little kids need so much positive reinforcement. So much encouragement and congratulating them on good behaviour, it goes a long way.

God what a big fuss over a small issue OP.

I picked up plenty of toys when my dc were small. They had no problems with behaviour at school or respect for me and grew into lovely people.

I'd give her a last chance to pick it up and tell her if she doesn't you will pick it up - but then it goes away for 3 days. Stick to it.

She does tidy up at nursery. They said she enjoys it too

Sell it by the kg on music magpie and give the cash to a childrens' charity.

The posters who think it's 'so sad' that a 3 year old is asked to pick up their lego need to get a grip on their emotions.

I can’t speak for anyone else but don’t think it’s sad she was asked to pick up LEGO but the way the OP dramatizes it and talks about punishment.

My now grown up DC are all doing well in life and had no issues with discipline, schooling , employment etc. I didn’t make such a big deal out of such small matters neither did DH. HTH .