To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

[treeofhearts]

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating.

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

It’s not that simple I do want to stop desperately. Iam In the process of seeking help up until now it’s been all about the asd but this is also a huge issue I just need to deal with things one at a time
Many times I’ve told dh he should leave because I feel so bad

I’m not making excuses either I totally know that my behaviour whether intentions or not is emotional abuse and wrong

Oh I like the way you think ememem84 😂

Yes I took the key back and oh my god if I had to see a male gyne I think I just wouldn't tell him. That alone makes me think he really isn't the one.

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive comments.

whatsthepoint
I'm glad you're seeking help, this behaviour is really not consistent with an ASC diagnosis. I hope that you manage to get the right help.

Block his number now. Because the weirdo will probably keep trying to contact you.

Lucky escape there!

I have ASD and really cannot see how it would prompt abusive, jealous behaviour.

Well done op. It's the start of a slippery slope. Good to see your radar is calibrated. I wish id had mumsnet when i had one like this!

Bloody well done treeofhearts! 🙌

Asd is a spectrum disorder so of course will affect everyone differently
I was told daily growing up that nobody would want me because of it. That stuck. My mother also would be embarrassed of me and would be nicer to cousins or friends a similar age and tell me shecwushe they were her daughter instead so I would behave dreadfully for her attention as felt so unwanted and jealous

I think asd just makes the jealousy more intense and obsessional ? I’m not really sure but it definitely stems from it or at least how it was ‘managed’ when I was a child. Desperate for love support and approval I was shunned in favour of others so felt jealous then told nobody would want me, if they did they’d realise I wasn’t right and would leave me ....so I feel like it’s going to happen so I have to stop it but ironically it’s probsbly me that will be the cause so maybe my mother was right when she said nature should have weeded me out. She was desperately unhappy as lost a baby at 21 weeks before she had me and then got me and feels cheated out of the first child who she feels sure was probably ‘normal’

That's not a result of autism, thats the result of emotional abuse.

I have a diagnosis of Asd

You have a diagnosis of ASD @Whatsthepointnow4 and how you're behaving is as a combination of the ASD reacting to how you were treated when you were young.

Have you tried CBT?

Oh my god it's OK if you take your mum?

Be grateful you found out about this controlling streak sooner rather than later.

Good on you for dumping him.

No I really haven’t had much input whatsoever it’s something I’m going to look into I posted the other day as wa feeling so low. I need to see my gp this week I will ask about cbt

Whatsthepoint, this really isn't anything to do with your ASC. Nothing at all. Yes it's a spectrum, yes we're all different, but this is nothing to do with it, nor is the ASC exacerbating it. As others have said, this is a result of the abuse you have suffered and you really need to get help with it.

Glad you've kicked him out. If he's like t his with clinical people who are treating you, it's going to move into every male you come into contact with. He's obviously got a severe jealousy problem and you would always be treading on eggshells

Whatsthepointnow4 hopefully this thread has shown you it’s not who you are but what you’ve been through. No child should be told that nobody would want them and that statement was proved wrong anyway as you DH wants you.

I was bright up to believe I wasn’t good enough, stupid and the things I loved to do were for the time being only rather than a career choice, would be embarrassing if I did do that to the family (performing arts) etc. CBT helped me as I had had over 30 years of thinking anything I put my hand to I would only be average at at best. I still have confidence blips and major self doubt but it takes time to retrain your brain after thinking one way most of your life.

But even if it takes a while know that it’s learnt behaviour rather than who you are inside

I cannot believe that he had the cheek to give you time to calm down! What a patronizing !!

Well done for getting rid of this horrible man.

LTB such a bad bad sign. Not a normal reaction at all. Bad sign of more mental behaviour to come. Get out now.

I have been told pretty much that everything I’ve done that is wrong is because of asd
So now do I assume that having asd is not relevant when it’s my jealousy and obsessional control with dh? That if I didn’t have asd I’d still behave this way because of how I was treated as a child ?
I want to cry I’m so confused. This isn’t my thread I need to go I’m hijacking it

What a twatbadger

HE is going to give YOU a chance to calm down? What.The.Actual.Fuck?

I've had many massages and therapies for a bad back, never once has it ended up with a happy ending or anything dodgy. Except for once, where I wasn't happy about one aspect (too hard to explain) and trust me, you know the difference! Never went back to that particular guy.

Your back health is way more important than some idiot, as if you give up, you'll end up with massive adaptations to cope with the pain.

Well done on hearing what people said!

whatsthepoint

You dodged a bullet there OP.