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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 11:27

Now he's text me saying ok babe I know u upset so I'll give you time 2 calm down.

Me calm down? ME calm down? I'm bagging up his shit and if he doesn't pick it up, it's bin day tomorrow. It would be terribly immature to put toilet water in his fancy shampoo wouldn't it?

I'm so pissed off with him and I can't even believe this is the same man I've been seeing...

OP posts:
PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 28/05/2018 11:28

AskAuntLydia

Great post. I stupidly fell for option 2 in the past.

UpstartCrow · 28/05/2018 11:29

Pack his things and leave them on the doorstep, don't let him in. There's nothing to discuss Flowers

MiddleClassProblem · 28/05/2018 11:30

What a twat.

Well done for ending it and I hope he gets the message when you give him his stuff. Don’t let him talk you round! It will be the such a big mistake! Stay strong! x

Gemini69 · 28/05/2018 11:31

tell him his stuff is packed and at the door... and then block him Flowers

NordicNobody · 28/05/2018 11:31

ciderhouserules I told him I was going back to England to visit my family. This was allowed because it often meant I came back with money and gifts for him, and made it much easier for him to cheat on me while I was away. I never came back. I emailed him from England to tell him it was over and he emailed me back a week later to tell me he didn't care and he'd sold all my stuff. It was a very very small price to pay to be free.

DoinItForTheKids · 28/05/2018 11:32

Yes, I second Gemini69, bag it up, put it on the doorstep.

bluebeck · 28/05/2018 11:32

Just text him back saying I am putting your stuff outside the door in bin bags.

He doesn't have a key does he? If so, just change the locks as he will probably get a copy made even if you ask for it back.

I would then block him. He won't go quietly. His sort never do Sad

Gilead · 28/05/2018 11:36

Whatsthepoint
I have an ASC. I have never behaved like this. It is your jealousy issues that are causing this, not your ASC. The fact that you are aware that you are doing this means that you are aware of the need for help. I hope you are getting some. In this case though, it would rather seem that this guy is an abusive twat.

Tree, glad you are okay and are in the process of extricating yourself.

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 11:38

He does have a key but it's in his jacket which is here. I've text him back telling him his stuff is in the garden and if he doesn't get it, the binmen will. Going out now, don't want to be here when he gets here.

Right now I'm angry but that won't last and I know I can't fall for the apologies.

OP posts:
GnotherGnu · 28/05/2018 11:38

You sound dangerously close to minimising his behaviour

How, when she's said very clearly that he is history? Some people do seem to be desperate to slag off OPs even when it is blatantly unnecessary.

Zebra31 · 28/05/2018 11:40

My word how arrogant and egotistical can he actually get?

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 28/05/2018 11:40

@whatsthepoint4

I have a three point plan for you.

  1. Stop. Blaming. ASD.

  2. Get professional assistance.

  3. Before you say anything to your husband that touches on other women, always ask yourself,
    A) is it true,
    B) is it necessary,
    C) is it kind.

If you can't tick yes to at least two of the A-C questions, don't say it.

AviatorShades · 28/05/2018 11:42

Tree , just Flowers for today and the rest of your cunt-free life. Well done.

merville · 28/05/2018 11:42

treeofhearts - the jealousy/control/obsession with being cheated on disease is a not uncommon one, but is pretty much incurable.

It causes the infected person some suffering but the vast majority of the suffering it inflicts is on the infected person's partner (or is that victim).

And that's mainly what this man is going to inflict on you - suffering.

There might be some nice times, but it will all be underpinned by stress & suffering on your part.

Let him find his cure himself (though it's unlikely he ever really will).

People can hide things for months but they surface sooner or later - and it has surfaced now. You weren't to know; it's not your fault. But you will be doing it to yourself now that you do know.

IamPeas · 28/05/2018 11:46

Well done for chucking him OP.

"Your ASD may or may not be the reason but it is not an excuse. You are emotionally abusing your partner and in my book there is never an excuse for that. I dare say pretty much every abuser could come up with a reason for being who they are, that doesn't help their victims..."

TooTrue I was trying to find the words but you summed up perfectly. If Whatsthepoint really wants to stop she would have sought help already. Theresa May is seeking to tighten up laws around emotional DV so people like Whatsthepoint need to sort themselves out quick.

Snipples · 28/05/2018 11:48

Well done for being so strong op - you are doing the right thing.

blaaake · 28/05/2018 11:48

Well done. Have you removed the key to your house from his jacket?

MiddleClassProblem · 28/05/2018 11:49

Yes, please take the key x

expatinscotland · 28/05/2018 11:52

'I was willing to chalk it up to a one off jealous fit '

Never, ever do this with someone. DUMP asap. Jealousy should never be tolerated.

As for this dickhead, just text him back, 'Your stuff is outside. Come and get it' and then block.

Walkaboutwendy · 28/05/2018 11:55

He obviously couldn't sustain the nice face for very long before the controlling idiot appeared. Wonder what his relationship history is like Hmm

Good on you for kicking him out of your life. It would have got progressively worse as time went on.

Orangecake123 · 28/05/2018 11:58

I do massages weekly or every other week mainly because of upper back pain. I wonder what he would say if you had to see a male gynecologist.

Don't waste anymore time with this man.

Darkstar4855 · 28/05/2018 12:03

His last message says it all: trying to make out that YOU’RE the one being unreasonable and YOU need time to calm down, the implication being that you’ll then see that he’s right after all. This is classic manipulative/controlling behaviour. You don’t need a man like this in your life.

Well done on LTB.

PolkaHots · 28/05/2018 12:08

Yes, it’s like he’s saying that the only reason you find all of this unacceptablr is that you are angry, and once you’ve calmed down you’ll see that you are being unreasonable. Twat.

ememem84 · 28/05/2018 12:10

Yes toilet water in his shampoo would be childish.

Deep heat in his boxers however....the itch doesn’t go away after one wash...

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