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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 30/05/2018 23:01

I've gone to chiropractors for years and never had a single one require me to take my top off. However my issues are mostly neck, shoulder blades, and wrists so maybe that's why.

Original poster
treeofhearts · 30/05/2018 23:04

I know! I saw the sports therapist last time because usual massage therapist wasn't there so I guess I'm batting for both teams now! She was very good too. starts humming I Kissed A Girl

OP posts:
Sunbeam18 · 30/05/2018 23:31

Seriously though, be careful. This kind of nutter can switch to violence quickly.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 30/05/2018 23:48

I’m glad you are taking it in good humour but be very careful. He sounds like a lunatic. I’d make sure to keep a record of each incident and give 101 a call, either tomorrow or if something next occurs. If he doesn’t stop after that I’d probably be seeking a restraining order. There just is no need to get on the way he is. To be shouting through your letterbox is ridiculous.

UpstartCrow · 30/05/2018 23:53

I'd get the police involved. Next time he is shouting through the letterbox, record him and phone them as he is doing it. He's invested and he isnt going to walk away.

ToeToToe · 30/05/2018 23:58

Mmmm. Yes, it is worrying that he has seemed so sane and normal for 8 months, and has flown off the handle so suddenly. Over physios/chiropractors Confused

Crazy behaviour. Lucky escape, OP - and do call the police if he keeps coming back.

Original poster
treeofhearts · 31/05/2018 00:12

I'm actually starting to wonder if there is more than meets the eye here. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced. He didn't just SEEM sane and normal, he WAS sane and normal. I have a few male friends, one of whom is actually gay. He's never been off with them, never had any objection to me seeing them socially and I've never had any inkling that he was homophobic. Now he's lost it over a massage therapist and a physio and he's using slurs like twink?

I mean it's Wednesday for Christ's sake. This argument has been going on since Friday afternoon. I've had shorter games of Monopoly. It's obsessive isn't it? To still have this level of anger after 5 days? Surely it should have faded a bit by now?

Starting to wonder if it's drugs or something. I've known him 8 months and that's a long time to keep up a front.

OP posts:
40isnew50 · 31/05/2018 00:15

I would get out while I could to be honest. Although I have been going to a chiropractor and physio for almost 20 years with back issues and never once have I been asked to take my top off. Can see why it could be necessary though so your man is being totally OTT!!!

AmazingPostVoices · 31/05/2018 00:19

Does it matter why though Tree?

Original poster
treeofhearts · 31/05/2018 00:20

It's the massage therapist who has me take the top off. Oil would be everywhere otherwise. I'm fully clothed for the other two. You go through the rooms. First you go into first room with Chiropractor for a quick catch up and adjustment, then through into room 2 with massage therapist. Or sometimes the other way around depending on what sort of adjustment he wants to do and whether I'm relaxed enough for him to do it easily. Then I go down the hall to physiotherapy.

OP posts:
Original poster
treeofhearts · 31/05/2018 00:21

I suppose not, either way it's over but it's a pretty big turnaround. If he was a dog I'd suspect a brain tumour. People don't just change like that, overnight, do they?

OP posts:
ToeToToe · 31/05/2018 00:22

I've had shorter games of Monopoly.

Grin Grin

Yeah - it's ridiculous. I think you could drive yourself mad thinking about it. He's unhinged, and shown you just how unhinged he is.

I did (once) know a man who was absolutely stable most of the time - great bloke, good mate of my then boyfriend - who would occasionally fly of the handle, triggered by the weirdest, most unpredictable things.

Often directed at me, sometimes at other women. It was unreal - he became unrecognisable as himself, completely irrational, you couldn't reason with him - he would be red faced with anger. Over nothing. It always happened in the pub, and it ended the night. Then he would go back to normal, till the next time. Truly bizarre.

I don't really know why I stood for it - or why then-boyfriend did - but the very last time I saw him (over20yrs ago) he did it to my then-boyfriend-now-ex's new girlfriend. So it was some deep seated hatred/distrust of women.

UpstartCrow · 31/05/2018 00:23

This is normal for obsessive controlling behaviour. Get the police involved and contact Paladin for advice.

paladinservice.co.uk/

tiddliewinkiewoo · 31/05/2018 00:23

Good God just get rid- No way could I be coping with this absolutely ridiculous amount of drama from a guy Confused

I mean it's Wednesday for Christ's sake. This argument has been going on since Friday afternoon.

Just this really - he's giving huge claxon warnings of what an utter control freak he is and it's 6 days later and you're still in talks?

Please have some respect for yourself and absolutely kick him to the kerb - maybe he'll reflect on how unreasonable his behaviour is- though experience says not.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 31/05/2018 00:34

Don’t bother going down that road of analyzing him there is nothing mysterious or interesting about his behavior it’s plain controlling tactics

You will once you move on see the other red flags that you didn’t didn’t want to accept or see so clearly

He will make you miserable he has a problem not you but you soon will do if you with your self esteem and confidence if you give him any more of your time

Nb65988 · 31/05/2018 03:23

Hes showed his colours so u decide if u think what he is right but ure chiropractic should not be flirting or hugging people that's weird and completely unprofessional and for that reason I would find somewhere else I know the do gd things for u but try take some one along with u 3 men I. 1 room can be Intimidating as u have to take ure top off and uve said he's flirt they should always offfer a female to come in

Gabilan · 31/05/2018 07:11

He didn't just SEEM sane and normal, he WAS sane and normal

He's just a good actor, and 8 months isn't that long to play a part. I agree with PP about being careful and keeping a log of what he's been up to. And don't be too confident about him not being violent.

I think maybe contact the police via non-emergency routes to find out the best ways of dealing with him and keeping yourself safe.

Bibesia · 31/05/2018 07:32

This is still going on after five days because you didn't submissively give in and agree with him, but made it clear that the only problem was him. You aren't following the right script, and he can't handle it.

Roussette · 31/05/2018 07:35

Have RTFT and I have to say tree, it's normal to analyse and try and work out where this behaviour came from with him. But as time goes by, I think you might honestly remember some possible warning signs that weren't noticed when you were with him. I agree with Enthusiasm.

A long time ago I had an ex a bit like this and after it spectacularly finished, and time went on, I looked back and thought 'WTF was I thinking, why didn't I pick that up, what was the matter with me to gloss over that etc etc'

Do be careful, he might not give up in a hurry.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 31/05/2018 07:43

Bra tip tree: put it on backwards, do it up and turn it round. 😆

CoraPirbright · 31/05/2018 07:59

You sound like you are taking this all with rare good humour OP so I salute you but I really would be alerting the police about this - I really dont like the sound of him turning up and shouting through your letterbox. That is actually really quite threatening and scary.

I get what you’re saying about him being normal and sane. I dont have any personal experience of anyone really controlling but from what I have read on MN (a lot!), it sounds pretty text book. A pp even mentioned about the 8/9 month mark being where things start to go bad. So I thnk you have made a really good decision to kick him to the curb.

Oh and I have had physio/massage for a back condition and my (female) physio unhooked and re-hooked my bra. Don’t really understand why some people are finding that strange. You dont want oil/lotion on your bra strap!

But please call the police OP.

Buttercream36 · 31/05/2018 08:13

I would definitely speak to the police so it is logged if nothing else at this point. My ex was a controlling nutter like this and didn't take it well when I ended the relationship. It set off a campaign of "revenge" lasting nearly 2 years and I only wished I'd gone to the police sooner. Protect yourself xx

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 31/05/2018 08:25

I had my back tattooed. The tattooist offered me a towel, I declined, he said, "you might want one because of

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 31/05/2018 08:42

I want to quaff wine in France. Envy

LaContessaDiPlump · 31/05/2018 08:47

I think people are good at hiding their Crazy, op. That's why so many others end up living with them, I think - they think the Crazy person can't be THAT crazy because of their otherwise-rational behaviour.

The others are wrong. Crazy be Crazy!