Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 29/05/2018 07:44

I had a relationship with a man who initially seemed great then turned out to be controlling. When i saw it for what it was i blocked gim on everything and felt no regret or sadness at all, like you. It was because he was the person i thought he was so what was there ro regret?

C0untDucku1a · 29/05/2018 07:45

wasnt

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 29/05/2018 07:49

Sometimes they do something that just kills the love dead in an instant.

Yep. The spineless way my ex left me and his actions before the break up instantly killed any love, attraction or respect I had for him. I went from being in love with him to disgusted by him in a few days flat. As soon as I got moved out I was ready to date within a couple of weeks which from an outside perspective probably looked too quick, but I knew I was over him as I just can’t feel anything for someone like that, and once he revealed that about himself it was like turning a tap off! I always thought he did me a favour really ending it the way he did as if he’d been honourable about it I’d probably have struggled with feelings for him for a while still.

Gabilan · 29/05/2018 08:08

I agree, which was then borne out by OP saying she was willing to chalk it up as a one off jealous fit, after pretty much every single poster telling her this was a massive red flag, and to LTB.

Likewise. This is in no way a criticism of the OP - it's an acknowledgement of how manipulative people like her now ex can be. So it's actually easy to start minimising or thinking it's some sort of normal tiff that couples have, rather than something a long way from that.

The spineless way my ex left me and his actions before the break up instantly killed any love, attraction or respect I had for him. I went from being in love with him to disgusted by him in a few days flat.

Likewise. With one ex the way we broke up made me realise that he had actually been a tosser all along, he'd just been hiding it well in the early days. I did get upset later on but it was for the mistakes I had made and for falling for him at all, not for losing him. I was well rid of him.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/05/2018 10:45

SheGot, since I have cited hard evidence for what I said

What on earth are you talking about? "Evidence'? Confused

My posts are there for anyone to read. It's bloody obvious that I haven't criticised the OP ONCE. Why on earth are you pretending that I have??

I have been completely supportive of the OP and absolutely no idea why you are trying to derail the thread.

If you want to help the OP, stop trying to police her thread. I have BEEN in the OP's situation. I KNOW how easy it is to minimise behaviour and the OP HAS been close to doing it.

If you want to help the OP, stop trying to close down posters who are patently trying to help her.

Take a look at what other posters have said about the dangers of minimising and stop attacking me to create a micro drama for yourself.

Gemini69 · 29/05/2018 11:06

well done OP.. honestly you too that bull by the horns and swung it... Flowers

ohamIreally · 29/05/2018 16:46

Well done. You sound like a very sensible woman.

Moneyissue2 · 30/05/2018 19:14

So very pleased for you op, great news.

You’re not upset because he showed you his true self in a spectacularly shocking, creepy fucked up way. It was very likely the tip of the ice burg. You instantly recognised how wrong his behaviour was and rightly put him in his place. He even made it worse for himself with his comments afterwards showing how thick and arrogant he is, proving to you, not that you needed it after what he had done, that he doesn’t understand you. He still doesn’t understand why and how his behaviour is not acceptable. You do. There is literally nothing to be sad about. I’m so relieved for you Grin

Original poster
treeofhearts · 30/05/2018 21:56

Oh he's still texting and occasionally coming and shouting through the letterbox. Apparently I won't open the door to him because I've "moved that fucking posing twink in." I'm guessing he means physio as the other two are married.

Pointing out that he isn't a twink and if he were then he wouldn't be swinging my way, did not go down well.

Jesus fuck this was a narrow escape. Thank God I didn't end up marrying him. He's behaving like a raving psychopath.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 30/05/2018 21:59

So he's accusing you of moving your lover in, who's a gay man?

You really have had a lucky escape.

Keep all correspondence and if he doesn't abate, log it with 101.

Motoko · 30/05/2018 22:02

Yep, very lucky escape.

vitalite · 30/05/2018 22:02

I'm not normally quick to advocate LTB but in this case I genuinely think you are getting a glaring red flag about this man. In my experience, jealousy does not go away or lessen with time, it actually gets worse. So leave, and leave now!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 30/05/2018 22:07

I've got an XH like this. He thought I was shagging my New Deal advisor (female), my manager (male), nearly lost me my placement because he'd ring me and rant down the phone at me while I was there. LTB.

MrsCD67 · 30/05/2018 22:09

This is awful and I know someone who was once in a similar position. I can promise you that things did NOT get better and it just spiralled from there. Get out of that relationship

Hollyhunter18 · 30/05/2018 22:11

Just get rid of him he’s awful.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/05/2018 22:13

I love that less than 48 hours later you’re meant to of moved a bloke in. Like he was there, boxes packed, ready to go just in case.

GinnyWreckin · 30/05/2018 22:19

Op call the police and report his crazy harassment. Id file for a 100m restraining order.

You need to be safe not sorry, so if you do have a friend, twink or not, ask them to move in for a while.

I’m guessing your x actually doesn’t regard any woman’s opinion worth Jack, so you may need to “get a man” around the place to scare him off.

You’ve done well, but mind yourself

Original poster
treeofhearts · 30/05/2018 22:25

I can't get past the bit where he is apparently gay and yet having an affair with me and moving in overnight. But pointing this out went down like a lead balloon.

OP posts:
Dsc1907 · 30/05/2018 22:26

Controlling men rarely react well when you take their control away. I suppose at least he's obliterated any doubts you may have had about your decision though.

I'd be calling 101 to report his behaviour now. It's not been a one off, it's a course of conduct.

Stay safe.

Dsc1907 · 30/05/2018 22:28

He was probably counting on you being too intimidated/frightened to notice the logical inconsistencies.

Original poster
treeofhearts · 30/05/2018 22:33

Oh he'll calm down eventually. He won't harm me I can guarantee that. Well the fucking great baton I have under the sofa will guarantee that. And the can of fly spray I'm going to get him in the mouth with if he starts shouting through that letterbox again.

OP posts:
Original poster
treeofhearts · 30/05/2018 22:36

I will call the police though if he comes back again. If nothing else all this shouting and screaming and carrying on isn't fair on my neighbours. I'm surprised no one has called them already actually.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 30/05/2018 22:48

I had an osteopath appointment a few weeks ago, and my daughter (7) asked if she could sit in with me. DH came too to make sure she didn't get in the way (she was very interested in what was going on).
I too was contorted by a man. He asked me to lower the waistband of my leggings to expose my (knicker clad) backside so that he could stick some needles into me. DD found this hilarious."Ha ha mummy, I can see your bum"
Osteo - "I'm going to stick needles in it. Want to watch?"

Glad that you've shown him the door. His constant badgering of you sounds trying and also quite frightening. It may well be worth calling the police anyway as his behaviour constitutes harassment.

Original poster
treeofhearts · 30/05/2018 22:57

Marklah Haha, bless her. He sounds like my physio. He calls those needles for the glutes the excalibur needles because they are so long. with an unholy amount of glee, the sadist

TBH I've half a mind to give the clinic a heads up in case he turns up there, sounding off and giving it large but I'd really rather they not know unless they have to. It's a bit embarrassing really. And that is really saying something, these are the people who have seen my fat arse sweating in bike shorts. I left embarrassment in the dust long ago. But my taste in men? That is embarrassing on a whole new level, can't believe I was taken in by him.

OP posts:
Mrsjones17 · 30/05/2018 22:58

Gosh if undoing a clients bra is ‘having an affair’ best warn my DH I’ve had 4 other women today! 😂 I’m a massage therapist and regularly offer to undo the bra as lots of the ladies I see are for shoulder and back problems are and can’t reach to unhook bra once they lay down.

Anyway looks like a narrow escape OP!! Well rid of!