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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
Motoko · 28/05/2018 23:42

I said that the OP was dangerously close to minimising his behaviour. I still think that.

I agree, which was then borne out by OP saying she was willing to chalk it up as a one off jealous fit, after pretty much every single poster telling her this was a massive red flag, and to LTB.

Thank fuck he sent her that condescending text.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 28/05/2018 23:46

you decided that you needed to tell OP off for allegedly not listening to people and being about to forgive and forget - which very clearly wasn't going to happen. You may have posted in good faith, which would mean you decided to give your opinion without apparently having bothered to read OP's posts properly. If that's what you're saying, I'm happy to accept it

You're 'happy to accept it'? Grin. Good of you.

Can you point to where I 'tell the OP off'? Or 'Slag the OP' off. You've accused me of both.

The OP has made a number of comments that made me concerned that she was/is minimising some accepts of this man's behaviour. I still do. That is simply adding a comment or option. It's not 'telling someone off.'

You are the one who appears to be struggling to either read or understand posts.

Please stop inventing things. My posts are entirely supportive of the OP, can be read upthread and are really quite clear.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 28/05/2018 23:52

aspects
opinion

Original poster
treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 23:57

Well he's picked up his bags. Clearly thought better of testing me because he didn't knock. He's text me a few times though asking to talk and saying that he believes me that I didn't sleep with them and that he can get past this. Hmm

So basically he is spectacularly missing the point. I haven't answered him. This is not how I plan on spending the future. He can find some other mug. I really feel like I should be more upset though. I just can't seem to summon up any regret. That's wrong surely? I mean I cared about him a lot, I thought we were going to last. So why am I not crying and upset?

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 28/05/2018 23:59

He can forgive you? Thats mighty big of him Confused
You're aren't crying and upset because you haven't lost anything, you've gained your freedom.

MiddleClassProblem · 29/05/2018 00:01

Because he didn’t hurt you and there wasn’t a sad mutual parting for other reasons. He’s shown you he’s a dick and you’re angry, rightly so. Some break ups are the ones you put their face on a dartboard, done you lie in bed crying and some you realise how much better off you are immediately and crack on.

blaaake · 29/05/2018 00:05

He can move past this? Lol! You can't, though. Ignore.

CruCru · 29/05/2018 00:08

Honestly? If you haven't already, please text / email him asking not to contact you again. Then don't reply to any of his messages.

Original poster
treeofhearts · 29/05/2018 00:12

I've already told him not to call me. I'm not responding to anything.

OP posts:
ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 29/05/2018 00:20

I just can't seem to summon up any regret. That's wrong surely? I mean I cared about him a lot, I thought we were going to last. So why am I not crying and upset?

Because sometimes the scales just fall from your eyes and there's no way to put them back. You saw that underneath the nice exterior, there was a controlling jerk just waiting to get out, and you knew right away that you were worth more than that.

Well done. Treat yourself to a massage or something.

ToeToToe · 29/05/2018 00:20

You're not crying, because you're angry with him, and you've realised the sort of man he is. One that would expect your mother to chaperone you to physio appointments, to make sure you don't shag the practitioners.

It may hit you later - be ready for it, and don't be tempted to take him back. Single life forever (which I'm sure you won't have) would be better than life with a controlling twat like him.

MiddleClassProblem · 29/05/2018 00:24

Also, why are you trying to feel regret?

This is a bit concerning. If you feel it it’s shit and may make you question your decision which was bloody well the right decision!

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 29/05/2018 00:31

He was only reacting so badly as that's what he would do if put in that situation with a woman.

Tells you all you need to know about him.

Original poster
treeofhearts · 29/05/2018 00:32

Well done. Treat yourself to a massage or something.

Grin Oh just don't even go there...

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 29/05/2018 00:36

Well a man like this,is not going to be much of a partner is he,, as insecure about all things, and not at all understanding about your medical problems and treatment.. But you fell for a guy, and thought he would understand all things, but has now shown that he has issues with you as a woman, being treated by some professional men folk.

But this does not surprise me these days.. A lot of men seem very insecure these days, they just don't like women being in charge of their own lives at all.

marjorie25 · 29/05/2018 00:36

treeofhearts

That's my girl. You have to be strong for you.
If you were to give up going here where you are comfortable and have a good relationship. What comes next.
Stick to your guns, this is the life he met you with, so he either take or it leave it.

Coyoacan · 29/05/2018 00:37

I just can't seem to summon up any regret. That's wrong surely? I mean I cared about him a lot, I thought we were going to last. So why am I not crying and upset?

Sometimes they do something that just kills the love dead in an instant.

Bexter801 · 29/05/2018 00:44

Maybe your not crying or upset,because your not missing the guy you thought he was. Rather,relieved because your rid of who/what he actually is

imweirdandcool · 29/05/2018 01:27

Weird

QuackPorridgeBacon · 29/05/2018 01:43

He, can move past this. Fucking hell what an idiot 😂

smurfit · 29/05/2018 02:16

I'm gonna guess he's never been to a physio then? Mines undone my bra and done it back up so he can get to my back to viciously stick needles into me. There was nothing sexual about it (an it was during a dry spell so I'm sure I would have noticed). Other times he's asked me to slip my arms out. Perfectly normal and professional. I've actually left a male physio because he seemed uncomfortable with my hip injury (which in turn made me feel uncomfortable).

Glad you're rid of him. Don't need that sort of thing in your life.

GnotherGnu · 29/05/2018 06:15

SheGot, since I have cited hard evidence for what I said, whereas you have not, it's richly ironic that you accuse me of inventing things.

MissStegosaurus · 29/05/2018 07:26

You probably don't feel anything because not all break ups are sad events. I just felt relieved when i broke up with my controlling ex. Society tells you that a woman is supposed to be torn up and weeping after a break up. There's no right or wrong way to feel.

Strongmummy · 29/05/2018 07:28

Red flag! Thank god you found out now and not years down the line. Tell him to fuck off

ravenmum · 29/05/2018 07:44

Sometimes they do something that just kills the love dead in an instant.
Oh yes.