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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?

490 replies

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 01:13

I see a Chiropractor and a Physiotherapist weekly for a painful skeletomuscular condition and have done for years. This is necessary to maintain mobility in my spine and reduce pain. I've been with DP for 8 months and he has known about my condition since we met.

Last week he came with me to the appointment for the first time. I didn't consider it a big deal, there is no reason he has never come with me, I just usually go when he is at work but he is off this time and came along.

He has absolutely flipped his shit, calling me a tart, naive and all sorts and referred to the clinic as a fucking perverts paradise.

The reason for this little tantrum? They are all men. And it never occured to his tiny brain that in order to have spinal adjustments, I would have to take my top off.

Apparently I'm having an affair with them. All 3 of them, possibly at once, he wasn't clear on this bit and the massage therapist undoing my bra constitutes sexual contact which is cheating. Hmm

For clarity, the (very professional) massage therapist has me remove my top and then lay face down before unfastening my bra and leaving it open so it still covers my breasts. Afterwards he wipes the oil away and does it back up before I get up. At no point does he cop an eyeful.

I'm clearly having an emotional affair with the Physio because we were talking about films that had made us cry while he was twisting me into unnatural shapes and sticking needles into me because apparently men don't do that unless they are interested and the Chiro was disrespecting him by hugging me when I walked in. He hugs everyone and flirts with anything with a pulse! It's just how he is.

Oh and it's not even legal for me to be half undressed alone in a building with 3 men.

Give me fucking strength. AIBU to tell him I just don't have the energy for this shit and to grow up or fuck off?

I have been going to this clinic every week for years! I have known the 3 of them for years, especially the Physio who actually saved my life a few years back by talking me out of suicide and confiscating my medication for 4 days to make sure I didn't take too many of them. None of them have ever so much as taken an inappropriate glance let alone a liberty and are completely trustworthy.

He will not let this drop. It's doing my head in. Constantly trying to trip me up with probing questions about them and my treatment. I am seriously considering telling him to fuck off to his mothers.

OP posts:
BrightYellowDaffodil · 28/05/2018 16:00

"Have you chilled out now?"

"Yes thanks, having a lovely relaxing day now I know I don't have you around any more. Don't forget to collect your stuff before the bin men come tomorrow."

And yes, loo water in his posh shampoo would be childish. But said loo could probably do with a good clean. With a brush. Say...a toothbrush?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 28/05/2018 16:02

I’m caught up. What a twat. Perfectly happy to provide said alibi Wink

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/05/2018 16:09

Dont forget to piss on his toothbrush.

What great steaming twatsack!

Rapunzel15 · 28/05/2018 16:11

100% LTB! This is just the start

Zebra31 · 28/05/2018 16:21

Omg what a complete dick he is. I would send last message saying. Collect your things from outside. Don’t contact me again. Then I would block his number.

Hope he doesn’t turn into one of those men that won’t take no for an answer. Will constantly hound you thinking you will change your mind.

geekone · 28/05/2018 16:23

Wow just wow you are doing the right thing.

You now need to block him on your phone and all social media. You do however need to tell him first.

Something along the lines of "f*ck right off. Your blocked don't contact me again bawbag"

InsomniacAnonymous · 28/05/2018 16:26

"Bloody hell. If you’re shagging all three at the same time no wonder you need the help of a chiropractor!"

Actually, that's an EXCELLENT point! Oooh! What a giveaway OP!

Wink
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2018 16:29

Well done OP. Your future is bright.

VanGoghsDog · 28/05/2018 17:19

It's perfectly normal for someone to come in with you as far as I know. My cousin comes with me sometimes if we are going somewhere straight afterwards. She just sits in the chair and chats, it's never been weird or a problem.

Don't they have a waiting area? Mine does. I've never seen anyone go in with someone, they just wait in the waiting area of they have someone with them.

treeofhearts · 28/05/2018 18:13

I've replied just saying to get his things from the garden and don't bother knocking.

Quaffing wine in France sounds lovely we'll go with that. Grin

Maybe I'll tell him the receptionist was in on it too. She looks a flexible sort.

OP posts:
chickenowner · 28/05/2018 18:26

Grin OP!!! Well done!

AviatorShades · 28/05/2018 18:39

Well done,OP.

thetemptationofchocolate · 28/05/2018 18:40

Get him a goodbye present - these socks ought to do it :)

To think I'm not a tart and tell him to fuck off?
MiddleClassProblem · 28/05/2018 18:41

👍🏽

Ginkypig · 28/05/2018 19:01

He's deliberately trying to make you think your overreacting with the I know your upset and are you chilled, it is designed to make you question your reaction and if you had fallen for it then he would use it every time no matter how badly he'd treated you.

Gemini69 · 28/05/2018 19:07

he's trying to wear you down .. ridiculing you and undermining your ending the relationship.. just block him Flowers

ToeToToe · 28/05/2018 19:07

No, don't fall for it, OP.

I had an extremely good looking, young male osteopath once, who was very friendly, chatty, and always complimentary to me (just a good bedside manner, surely?) - DH didn't bat an eyelid - he went to him too, on my recommendation.

Your (hopefully) ex's response is really not normal.

Ellie56 · 28/05/2018 20:03

Maybe I'll tell him the receptionist was in on it too. She looks a flexible sort. Grin

Pippylou · 28/05/2018 20:05

Flexible sort, ha, ha, ha, love it!

Merryoldgoat · 28/05/2018 21:22

Well done OP - I’m new to the thread but sounds like you had a lucky escape!

C0untDucku1a · 28/05/2018 21:40

Make sure you block him on everything. He will ramp up the charm offensive to get you back under control.

Puffycat · 28/05/2018 21:45

I’m with liz70, all sounds rather curious to say the least.
Sometimes I’m surprised that people even bother to post this stuff, he’s a total twat, goodbye, end of.....

TooTrueToBeGood · 28/05/2018 22:07

I’m with liz70, all sounds rather curious to say the least.
Sometimes I’m surprised that people even bother to post this stuff, he’s a total twat, goodbye, end of..

If the word "cunt" wasn't specifically coined for people who feel compelled to question the authenticity of those at risk of abuse, or to belittle them, it bloody well should have been.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 28/05/2018 22:19

Some people do seem to be desperate to slag off OPs even when it is blatantly unnecessary

Can you point out where I 'slagged off the OP'?

I said that the OP was dangerously close to minimising his behaviour. I still think that.

I'm glad the OP has reached her decision, but there were a couple of comments the OP made that concerned me about realising just how unpleasant this man sounds.

You seem desperate to 'slag off' posters who have posted in good faith, with no criticism of the OP at all. I can't see how that helps the OP.

GnotherGnu · 28/05/2018 23:28

SheGot, at the point you posted OP had said:
"Fuck him. I'm locking him out and going to bed, Hope he's got his keys, because he isn't sleeping here. Cunt."
"I can't see it going anywhere to be honest. We'll be having words when he calms down and he sure as hell isn't moving in."
"Oh ffs, now he's pacing up and down outside. I'm finishing my wine, putting out the light and going to bed. That should piss him off nicely".
"He is history. I've told him to come and get his things. ... I'm not being told where I can and can't go without a chaperone, fuck that."

The main thing OP said that might support your thesis was "He isn't violent just being a bit of a bell end." Which was presumably a statement of fact. Did you want her to claim he was violent if it wasn't true? Otherwise the only statement that might help you was her saying she was willing to chalk it up to a one-off jealous fit till he came up with more cuntery, but that was unquestionably at a stage when she'd made it 100% clear he wasn't coming back.

So, with that evidence, you decided that you needed to tell OP off for allegedly not listening to people and being about to forgive and forget - which very clearly wasn't going to happen. You may have posted in good faith, which would mean you decided to give your opinion without apparently having bothered to read OP's posts properly. If that's what you're saying, I'm happy to accept it, but it doesn't really improve matters.