Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women are conditioned to sound perform in bed?

102 replies

VogueVVague · 27/05/2018 21:50

I mean making way more noise in bed than their male partners.

Like if you watch a standard film or (whisper it) porn, the actress is always gasping and moaning and whimpering whereas the bloke is just getting on with it.

Made me realise that i do actually exaggerate it myself and wondering why is it that media has tried to condition women to do this? And not men?

OP posts:
NotARegularPenguin · 27/05/2018 21:57

Yes. And I think men are conditioned to expect it.

I’ve been asked before by a new partner why I was so quiet in bed. I mean I was enjoying myself and I thought that was obvious. I was no quieter than him.

MrsCipo · 27/05/2018 22:04

I read sonething a while ago that said some huge percentage of women do this in bed to increase the pleasure for their partner. So forsake their own satisfaction (or why else would you need to exaggerate) for their partner's. How about that as a perfect exemplification of it being a man's world?

kabanner · 27/05/2018 22:08

I have also been asked why I am so quiet in bed, I have no idea other than prefer to go with the physical reaction rather than a faked vocal.

Butterflykissess · 27/05/2018 22:09

This is funny as the other day I was talking with a friend and she said she and her partner had sex outside in their garden and I said I wouldn't dare as I would be worried my neighbours would hear the noise and she looked at me blankly and said what noise! I'm definitely loud and it's not fak e either. I also though most women were but I think your right we are conditioned to think it . All partners I've had have been silent.

DepressedAspie · 27/05/2018 22:10

I find it encourages them to get on with it and finish the job then you can go and have a nice cuppa or something Grin

Original poster
VogueVVague · 27/05/2018 22:12

Yep all my partners have been silent except for orgasm actually.

And (look away, tmi), when im in self pleasure mode, im actually completely silent except for the final 5 seconds.

So i guess my next question is - how do i backtrack now with my partner? Next time we get it on im going to try just being totally natural, i feel bad that ive kind of been faking the sound aspect. And yeah obviously that is totally for his pleasure.

OP posts:
Original poster
VogueVVague · 27/05/2018 22:12

@DepressedAspie

Well this is totally true too Grin

OP posts:
Stillwishihadabs · 27/05/2018 22:13

We usually try to be quiet so the dcs don't hear. Otherwise I think we make the same amount of noise, it would see odd not to let each other know if you were enjoying it or not

Whyohwhy65 · 27/05/2018 22:13

I always made noise in bed. Then one day I decided to test if I could be quiet or if I had to make noise. Turns out I can be completely silent Grin dh thought there was something wrong.
I was enjoying myself I swear Blush i agree it's more for the benefit of your partner

mummyretired · 27/05/2018 22:14

I'm a noisy one and never watched porn - I don't believe I've been conditioned. Found it very difficult to keep quiet when the children were young. Some find it encouraging, some don't. Some would prefer constant talk ...doesn't suit me!

mtpicasso · 27/05/2018 22:15

No, I don't think so.

lljkk · 27/05/2018 22:15

I find sex scenes so dull I didn't know I was supposed to treat it like tuition.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/05/2018 22:16

Im sure you'll get lots of women on here who say they can't help being loud, although I've never been with a man who's been loud and I've had a few sexual partners! So yes I think women are conditioned to be loud

mtpicasso · 27/05/2018 22:16

And if women are conditioned, who is doing the conditioning? I've only ever been myself?

Original poster
VogueVVague · 27/05/2018 22:17

@Lethaldrizzle
Well thats exactly it. Ive slept with must be 20+ and it never sounded loid from them

OP posts:
kabanner · 27/05/2018 22:18

One partner I had who said I was too quiet and found it off putting, I just used to whisper in his ear. Did the trick. Give it a try.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/05/2018 22:19

Yes have asked to scream on a few occasions Hmm Confused

I’m not in pain or scared so why would I scream

I have made more noise when I have had enough and eager for them to finish always seems to work

Stillwishihadabs · 27/05/2018 22:20

I am baffled by all these silent men tbh. But have been with dh (who isn't silent by choice) for 20 years. I would find it strange.

NotARegularPenguin · 27/05/2018 22:21

I don’t have anything to whisper in someone’s ear when I’m having sex. I’d rather focus on the sensation/feelings rather than keep whispering stuff like “ram it to me big boy” for their benefit.

gamerwidow · 27/05/2018 22:21

I'm not silent when I'm by myself either. I'm not OTT but I think I would find to be completely quiet. I've had completely silent male partners and noisy male partners, I found the really quiet ones unnerving because I couldn't tell when stop until they told me.
I do agree it's very rarely shown for men to be noisy and women to be quiet in films though.
I hope no one is out there concentrating on looking sexy rather than just enjoying themselves. If you've got a decent partner they won't want an act.

JacquesHammer · 27/05/2018 22:22

Hmmm no idea really. I’ve been with loud men and quiet men. I presume women are the same

NotARegularPenguin · 27/05/2018 22:23

And I’ve slept with 60+ blokes. Can’t think of any noisy ones at all. Most grunt on orgasm a bit but that’s it. No shouters, no screamers, no “oooh, ooh, that’s it, harder, harder”.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong! 😁.

Stillwishihadabs · 27/05/2018 22:24

Goodness it's all quite vanilla (I think) just you know, "mm, that's nice", "ohh" "that feels so good" kind of stuff. Do other Blokes not do that then ?

kissthealderman · 27/05/2018 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 27/05/2018 22:25

I use my noises to tell DH if he’s in the right place. Like echolocation!