To think women are conditioned to sound perform in bed?

[VogueVVague]

I mean making way more noise in bed than their male partners.

Like if you watch a standard film or (whisper it) porn, the actress is always gasping and moaning and whimpering whereas the bloke is just getting on with it.

Made me realise that i do actually exaggerate it myself and wondering why is it that media has tried to condition women to do this? And not men?

On average, men don't make much noise until they are really about to orgasm. Whereas I have always felt obliged to make encouraging noises when he's in the right place. It's totally conditioning. I really wish I could just use words to say what I like but I'm conditioned out of that too

I have slept with 150+ men, no noises yet but I will like them to scream though just for the experience!

@mholz

I mean this is the thing, if i slept with a guy and he was sound performibg like many women do id be like....holy shit wtaf is this?

I think of it as communication I suppose not sound performing.

I just can't get my head around a silent guy and a writhing screaming women. Surely as Pp said it's communication.

Oh blimey, I’ve got quite a noisy one. I mean he’s not yelling out or anything but he gives really quite guttural groans when I’m blow jobbing at full tilt - there’s something very animalistic about it. When he comes, you definitely know it (the people up the stairs know it, and probably most of the south East of England know it), but when the kids are in we are almost silent apart from the odd appreciative moan.

I was quiet with my previous partner because he wasn't very good. Current partner is very good and he has to tell me to be quiet sometimes if other people could hear us.

I’m noisy - DP has been known to put a hand over my mouth when I get a bit too enthusiastic, but that just makes me even worse . It’s mainly just “oh fuck, oh fuck, yeah oh god, don’t stop” etc and he’ll talk dirty and make a bit of noise too. We’re chatty shaggers, what can I say?! .

Obviously it’s easier to relax and make a racket in the daytime when nobody else is home. When the DCs are at their dad’s house we have what we refer to as ‘screamer night’, when I can properly relax, but we need to shut the windows so as not to scare the neighbours .

Sometimes it’s just so intense I can’t help myself, but then I also let out an involuntary squeak when I just think about doing it . I have also been known to cry afterwards when it’s been particularly intense, so maybe it’s just a more full-on experience for some?

I am capable of being quiet if absolutely necessary but it takes some of the enjoyment out of it having to be aware of not making a noise.

I do put it on for him a bit when I’m giving him a BJ, as the moaning makes it feel nice apparently, and he likes to hear that I’m enjoying it too - but I think he knows that’s more for his benefit than mine!

Crying

I’m a bloke and I make quite a noise when climaxing. It’s involuntary to an extent, but can be stifled if needs be.

I’ve been told by sexual partners that I make more a lot noise than average, but they all seemed to appreciate and enjoy the positive feedback.

Oh god this is my neighbour. Honestly I can't tell if she has company, total silence from him and she's screaming and groaning. Shes a loud type though, it seems she's either screaming at him...or on him.

I would cringe inside out if a man cried after sex because he was so happy and overwhelmed.

I’ll add that it definitely enhances the whole sexual experience when I’m in a situation where I can let rip vocally.

I don't get anything out of calling out directions like a quiz show contestant

But look what you could've won!

Yes, from an early age, little girls are taught to perform aurally when having sex...

I agree, and I'm glad to have a name for it now, thanks op. I have stopped having sex so don't know how I would be now but i used embarrass myself with my sound performance. I did it from the start, when I enjoyed it the least, so wherever I learned this from I learned it early!

I said on another thread, a while back, how I am guilty of faking it.

The problem is, I had fantastic sex the other week, and the noises were involuntary- promise . Without TMI, he hit the spot (okay, TMI).

Trouble is, I've also had shit not very good sex and so have over-performed. I guess, as others have mentioned, to get it over with.

It's not good, I need to address this (preferably, not mid-session).

If someone is doing the work its nice to shout encouragement! Either sex.

ooh, now then - I have something to add:

I heard a while back on R4 (so it MUST be true ) that there is an evolutionary theory around women are more noisy during sex. It challenges the view that women are monogamous and want their offspring sired by the same male (so need him to stick around).

A possible theory is that women, as well as men, are polyamorous, as they too want to fish from as wide a gene pool as they can. Because a woman cannot signal when she is sexually available, in terms of being 'on heat' etc, one mechanism is to have noisy sex, thereby signalling to other men that she is up for it. Sex makes men soporific, which then allows the woman to mate with others without conflict.

A misogynist would have a field day with this one, but it is an interesting take on the 'why are most women noisy in bed' debate. Thoughts, anyone?

My thoughts are, 'oh God save me from evolutionary psychology'.

Husband makes a lot of noise..frequently have to ask him to be a bit quieter!

The crying thing - I'd had that one or two times in the past, usually after really intense lovey type stuff, but it happens quite regularly with my OH now! I can't help it, not sure if it's the post orgasm endorphins or what, and OH is kind of into it hahaha... He's a bit noisy too as well so we're both unusual I guess!

I will admit, I was quite noisy with my ex. It was fake. It helped him finish faster.

The one person I have had sex with, since my separation is far better in the bedroom and my noise is involuntary. Most of the time I don't realise how noisy I am. But then he is quite noisy too. Like pp said, we are chatty. Lol.

I do think there is conditioning. But then not always. Also, if you can do something to turn your partner on more, why not?

It's a bit or a grey area for me. I don't like that men expect it, because of porn. But I would find it weird, if a partner refused to do something small that makes sex better. Unless it's something that made you very uncomfortable.

I used to do the fake porn star noises when I was in my young twenties. Met my partner and after a while he basically told me to shut up 😂 I do make some noise now but it is more natural and much nicer to have a man who doesn't get off on an act.

I think there’s a big difference between porn star style moaning and “oh yeah do it harder big boy” bollocks and the involuntary animalistic noises (which are not always particularly attractive and can be downright embarrassing!) which happen when you’re just really into it. I have been known to make a noise much like a cow mooing at climax and this is certainly not a ‘performance’ intended to turn anyone on, I’m generally mortified afterwards