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AIBU?

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Original poster

To assume if you are anti-abortion, you are...

431 replies

Hamandcheesebaguette · 26/05/2018 20:24

...pro a full, complete and comprehensive government benefits system to fund mothers for at least the first 5 years of her child's life?

I'll tell my story, it's not particularly interesting or traumatic, but had I not had access to a safe abortion at 6 weeks then I honest to god don't know how i would have not have ended up homeless or starving.

When I was 21, I met a man. Same age as me. I was working in an airport, leaving for work at 2.45am and usually not getting home until after 4pm. My take home pay was around £980 per month. After rent in my 1 bedroom flat in the cheapest (and also not particularly pleasant) area in my expensive city, council tax, topped up my gas and electricity meters and phone bill (I didn't even have a TV!) I had £35 left to eat and pay for buses to work for the rest of the month. After only knowing this man for 6 weeks, I found out I was pregnant. I was on the pill, maybe it failed, maybe I had missed a couple, I don't know.

Should I have had that baby... how in the hell would I have been able to provide anything for it on that wage? Oh wait, I wouldn't have had a wage at all bevause I wouldn't have had anybody to care for my baby whilst I was working full time and leaving for work in the middle of the night.

So I assume, if you are anti abortion, and I had had that baby, you also agree I should have been entitled to a reasonable council property (not covered in damp or mould or other H&S issues), my rent paid, my council tax paid, plus money provided for gas, electricity, food etc. Plus some furniture (as I always rented fully furnished and didn't have any furniture of my own at 21), a TV, broadband (or maybe I should have sat in with my baby with absolutely nothing except the walls to stare at...)

Plus possible full training paid for by the government when I could have gone back to work once this baby reached school age, as I wouldn't have been a very attractive job applicant by this point.

AIBU to assume this is tour stance if you insist I should have been forced to have been a mother when I didn't want to be one, couldn't afford to be one?

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat · 27/05/2018 21:30

LassWiADelicateAir Thank you for posting the facts for others. :)

SalemBlackCat · 27/05/2018 21:32

At the point you miss your period, you are 4 weeks pregnant. PMSL You have absolutely got to be joking! Hmm It seems you are very ill-informed about biology and might need to revise basic biology yourself.
smdh Hmm

SalemBlackCat · 27/05/2018 21:34

Last post was to SensoryOverlord whom I am truly cringing for with second hand embarrassment. What on earth gave you the idea that you are 4 weeks pregnant from the date you miss your period? What on earth? facepalm

LassWiADelicateAir · 27/05/2018 21:39

Salem- I know that I conceived in the early hours of Sunday 12th November 1989 and that I did a pregnancy test in the late afternoon of Saturday 25th November, 1989, which was positive. Both dates are indelibly etched in my memory !

JacquesHammer · 27/05/2018 21:42

@Lass it’s incredibly interesting how a basically identical process can differ.

I had my LMP on 17th December. Had sex early hours of 1st January. Didn’t get a positive test until 10th February

Soubriquet · 27/05/2018 21:52

I felt little butterflies at 9 weeks with my second

Wouldn't have noticed it if it was first pregnancy but because I knew what to look for, I felt it at 9 weeks

SoftSheen · 27/05/2018 22:01

At the point you miss your period, you are 4 weeks pregnant

At this point you are approximately 2 weeks pregnant, assuming an average 28 day cycle with ovulation occurring on day 14. However, since cycle length and day of ovulation vary between women, most women can't be sure exactly which day they conceived. Therefore midwives calculate from the first day of your last period, and you are described as 'four weeks pregnant' even though you probably only conceived 2 weeks previously.

LassWiADelicateAir · 27/05/2018 22:08

Therefore midwives calculate from the first day of your last period, and you are described as 'four weeks pregnant' even though you probably only conceived 2 weeks previously

Yes exactly. Whoever posted the you are 4 weeks pregnant bit is confusing actual biology with the midwives' ready reckonner.

I don't know, because I've never been in that position, but this adding on of 2 weeks could mean that someone who is biologically only 22 weeks pregnant is refused an abortion because she is deemed to be 24 weeks pregnant.

reallybadidea · 27/05/2018 22:20

Pregnancy is always dated from day 1 of last period. So abortion is legal up to 24 weeks of pregnancy which is 22 weeks since conception.

SoftSheen · 27/05/2018 22:32

Similarly, when you go for your '12 week scan' or '20 week scan', these actually happen at 10 weeks and 18 weeks post-conception (approximately).

SoftSheen · 27/05/2018 22:33

Salem I think it's you who have shown lack of understanding here.

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 27/05/2018 22:40

Condoms are cracking used them for 20 plus years never a problem if they split map!pleae take responsibility abortion is not the easy option!
I'm so glad that we have that option especially for terminations on medical advice, but please girls be really careful no one wants to be in that awful situation

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 27/05/2018 22:42

Frazzledmum123 sums up the position of these people quite nicely, I think. Basically it's that by being sexually active you are responsible for conception, but simultaneously to that responsibility being placed on you you then have the right to agency taken from you. The original double whammy, if you like.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 27/05/2018 22:43

NB this is not a view I agree with at all. I think it's abhorrent.

SoftSheen · 27/05/2018 22:55

Harold there is no 'these people': there are a huge range of views on abortion. Not just two camps. I wouldn't describe my own position as 'pro-choice', however I disagree with most of Frazzledmums post.

Rollonweekend · 27/05/2018 22:58

@NextInLine

‘These 'pro-lifers' are only bothered when it's a fetus. They seem to forget about the actual baby at the end and the life of the woman forced into carrying it.*

This is exactly how I feel. The Catholic Church in particular seemed obsessed about the foetus until it was born and that’s the point at which the caring stopped. The hopocrasy of it.

SoftSheen · 27/05/2018 23:01

It is indeed hypocrisy to care for the unborn foetus, but not for the baby and child after birth. However, I think that as a society we should care for both (and indeed the mother).

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 27/05/2018 23:01

Rollon - yup. The Catholic Church put babies in sewers so I think we can safely discount their claims for it to be all about the sanctity of the child's life.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 27/05/2018 23:03

We don't as a society care about them both though, Soft Sheen, and that's the context that pregnant women find themselves in.

SoftSheen · 27/05/2018 23:08

If society did care for them both, pregnant women would have a more genuine choice, and would not feel compelled to have an abortion for reasons of financial insecurity or lack of social support.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 27/05/2018 23:11

I agree. But it doesn't. And women have to decide with the hand they've got.

SensoryOverlord · 27/05/2018 23:23

I think you need to know some basic facts. For the sake of argument assume a 4 week cycle. Out of those 28 days women are fertile generally only in the middle- so days 11 to 17. If you conceive on day 11 you will be just over 2 weeks pregnant by the missed date- if you conceive on day 17 you will be 11 days pregnant by the missed date

At the point you miss your period, you are 4 weeks pregnant. PMSL You have absolutely got to be joking! hmm It seems you are very ill-informed about biology and might need to revise basic biology yourself

Oh dear. Lass and Salem, please just do a basic google. Just a basic one. That's all it takes.

On the first day of your missed period, assuming a standard 28 week cycle, you will be classed as '4 weeks pregnant'. By every medical professional you will meet. Yes, you're classed as being 'two weeks pregnant ' at the date of conception.every

When you have your 12 week scan you are 12 weeks pregnant...but only ten weeks past conception. When you're at full term you're only 38 weeks past conception even though you are 40 weeks pregnant. EVERYONE will refer to you as 40 weeks pregnant at this point.

Additionally, Salem, you sound about 12.

LassWiADelicateAir · 27/05/2018 23:33

You are confusing the midwives reckoning with actual biology. I was 2 weeks pregnant when I carried out a pregnancy test.

Someone posted (was it you ?) declaring that no one could know they were pregnant at 4 weeks. I knew I was pregnant at 2 weeks after the only possible date I could have become pregnant. Which would have been 4 weeks by the midwives' definition- so in my case that statement was doubly wrong.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 27/05/2018 23:39

Jesus, does it matter? Every woman's experience is different, which is why every woman has to make the choice for herself according to her circumstances. Some women know early on, some don't. Twelve weeks is a tight timeline regardless.

LassWiADelicateAir · 27/05/2018 23:43

This is what you posted Salem Clearly you have never been pregnant to make such an utterly absurd statement. Even a teenager knows it is almost impossible to know you're pregnant before say 7 to 8 weeks, let alone 4

That statement is wrong. I knew at the point I was biologically 13 days pregnant; or if you are going to insist on the midwives' ready reckoner - 4 weeks.