to be annoyed that sonographer slipped up?

[JingleJelly]

Had a scan at 17 weeks due to some bleeding. They could see where it was coming from and told me it's nothing to worry about but to take it easy. Sonographer said that as I'm there they'd have a look at the baby to make sure all is okay. He was lovely and had a look at everything as I was very anxious and have had numerous miscarriages so wanted to reassure me. He said he was going to look at the genitals to make sure all normal and to look away. I did as we want a surprise. After this, he stopped referring to baby as 'baby' and started using 'he'. The assistant in the room glared at him and gave him a very 'what are you doing!' type look, and he reverted back to saying 'baby'.

I'm not going to lie, I'm annoyed. It's not the end if the world and I'm so pleased baby is ok, but still saddened that I'm fairly sure it's a boy. I haven't told DP and am not going to, as I would like at least one of us to have the surprise we wanted.

AIBU to feel miffed by this? Anyone had the same thing? First baby and a bit disappointed that's all...

Happened to me! Sonographer called baby a he as did the obstetrician at the birth! Was a girl! Think they just say it humanise it a bit more. Wouldn't read too much into it

Focus on the fact your baby is healthy. Congratulations.

YABU. It can only go one of two ways so not much of a surprise congratulations on a healthy scan.

Every sonographer I've had (and I had a lot of scans in both pregnancies) has said "he" unless we said we knew it was "she". It may just be that.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I completely understand. But just remember the train conversation I heard. Girl telling friend about her sister. Had been assured all the way through it was gender x. Decorated accordingly (excessively imv), walls, curtains, bedding, clothes.

You guessed it. Yup.

I found out in secret when I had an emergency scan. I accidentally said 'her' to DH and he was saying 'oh great I know what it is now'. It wasn't- it was a boy. I knew it was a boy and have no idea why I referred to the baby as a her. Sometimes we just do it doesn't mean it's def a boy

I wanted my first DC to be a surprise. I nearly managed to get through the whole pregnancy without finding out. I was being induced and the MW asked me if I knew what I was having. I told her no, I didn't want to know. She smirked and told me it was a boy. I started to tear up and she told me to woman up as there would be plenty to cry about later. She was right.

Sorry this happened to you. Good luck.

Hi, I wanted to find out the sex and did definitively through harmony test (girl). They also told me at 20w scan it was a girl. got a scan later on in pregnancy and the sonographer referred to he. As I was leaving I said in passing I don’t care about the sex and know it’s a girl but you said he throughout is that just standard and she was like really did I didn’t even notice. So I would agree not necessarily told you the sex. the trainee reacting as she did is pretty unprofessional she should have kept poker face irrespective.but even then she might just have been aware using any pronoun even if the wrong one, as my sonographer unwittingly did. (Nb she’s born now she’s def a girl). Congrats on a healthy baby, wouldn’t give any more thought to this.

@toadsforjustice wtf? That's kind of evil?

The other thing to bear in mind, is that there's only 2 options... they may always refer to 'he' and pretty much 50% of the time it is a he...
at the end of the day, the only way to avoid knowing completely is to not have scans. I could see without a shadow of doubt that my son was a boy. It just so happened that the way the scan went and the position gave such a clear view of a penis and balls at 16 weeks there was no question. But as I was being checked for a serious potential complication, that had to come first.

I had a scan at around 30 weeks due to complications. The baby was constantly referred to as he and the sonographer apologised when we said we hadn't wanted to know. Today the resulting she was sitting at Twickenham wearing a red strappy dress, despite spending her first twelve months in lime green & navy blue and having a bright blue bedroom for years. My DD is proof that they can easily get these things wrong.

I would suspect they tend to refer as he/she as they get objections to "it". Mine certainly said "he" at various points-even with dd2 after they'd looked and said definitely girl.

ToadsforJustice I hope you complained, that is a shitty thing of the midwife to do.

I had similar. It was just a phrase.. As it was a girl.. But because it bothered us we paid for a scan to find out

The sonographer said he to me and I thought he’d slipped up and told us we were having a boy. We had a girl. Don’t put too much weight on what he said.

At 36 weeks our sonographer said ‘his leg’, I was so annoyed as really hadn’t wanted to know, was torn about whether to tell DH but didn’t. So I was the one who was the most surprised when our baby girl arrived a few weeks later!

Yanbu- I didn't want to know and had a tough early pregnancy, had a CVS at 12 weeks and didn't find out then or 20 week
Scan. At a growth scan at 28 weeks a woman can in part way through scan and said "oh it's a boy!" Then backtracked when she was told I don't want to know. It was rubbish after waiting that long and I never told DH. DS is a boy and I was so convinced from early on he was a boy it didn't bother me hugely but I was annoyed. If I go back to same hospital for no 2 I'll be saying no interruptions during scans please as I found it annoying anyway having people in and out every 5 mins (teaching hospital). Hopefully sonographer was just reverting to "he" out of habit. Maybe the dirty loom from his colleague was because he says he all the time and she constantly tells him not to!

Of course yanbu. It goes without saying the main thing is you've had a healthy scan but I'd have been disappointed to be told the sex by mistake. Just annoying! But these things happen. Congrats on your baby!

Sonographer referred to a "she" a number of times throughout our 20 week scan even though we had a lengthy discussion at the start that we wanted a surprise etc and she told us to look away when she was checking genitals. I remember being a bit annoyed at the time but then actually forgot about it and fast forward 20 weeks and out popped a boy!!

As a sonographer I always refer to baby as he. Before I start scan I tell patients who don’t want to know what it is, that if I say he it doesn’t mean I’ve seen anything. I also have 2 boys so “she” doesn’t come naturally to me and I’m not calling it “it”. However.. I don’t understand why the sonographer checked the genitals to make sure everything was ok ?? odd thing to do for bleeding.

@Poppiesway1 can't explain that one! Not a sonographer - he said he was checking to see if all looked normal. Not normal practice? How odd.

@jinglejelly totally normal practise for me. I've had lots of extra scans in my pregnancies and it's very common if they are having a look to give everything a check over. I imagine everywhere is different.

Take the opportunity to possibly become psychic about your baby's gender?

Two things - 17 weeks is very early to tell with certainty. And in my experience, sonographers have told me they tend to use "he" as it avoids confusion if they are saying "his bladder" or "his heartbeat" so no risk of misunderstanding that its the mother's heartbeat they are referring to.

You have no way of knowing if the sonography actually slipped up or not. Even if your baby is a boy, you have no way of knowing. I would put it out of your mind if I were you.

Congratulations and best wishes.

@toadsforjustice I’d have been furious, what a completely unnecessary thing to do.