to be annoyed that sonographer slipped up?

[JingleJelly]

Had a scan at 17 weeks due to some bleeding. They could see where it was coming from and told me it's nothing to worry about but to take it easy. Sonographer said that as I'm there they'd have a look at the baby to make sure all is okay. He was lovely and had a look at everything as I was very anxious and have had numerous miscarriages so wanted to reassure me. He said he was going to look at the genitals to make sure all normal and to look away. I did as we want a surprise. After this, he stopped referring to baby as 'baby' and started using 'he'. The assistant in the room glared at him and gave him a very 'what are you doing!' type look, and he reverted back to saying 'baby'.

I'm not going to lie, I'm annoyed. It's not the end if the world and I'm so pleased baby is ok, but still saddened that I'm fairly sure it's a boy. I haven't told DP and am not going to, as I would like at least one of us to have the surprise we wanted.

AIBU to feel miffed by this? Anyone had the same thing? First baby and a bit disappointed that's all...

I don't know if you should tell your DH as I don't think you know. It's still 50:50. If you do say, make that point first and don't over emphasise what happened on the day.

I have had scans go wrong, one a molar pregnancy (meant procedure to stop pregnancy and 6 months of tests) and FWIW I don't think you are wrong for feeling a bit sad about the experience and wanting to share here. My DCs are 8 years and up, but I still remember the pregnancies and there are highs and lows.

Try to focus on the positive in this situation. The sonographer could have given much worse news.

I understand at being disappointed at the surprise being spoiled. I know of a couple of babies that weren’t as predicted.

I had a 36 week scan with my second and didn't know what I was having (nor did I want to) My best friend came with me, and she said 'you know what you're having don't you?' and i replied that I didn't and didn't want to either. So, the scan went on, at the end the baby had been called he by the sonographer throughout by the way, as we left my friend said 'i know what you're having' so I assumed boy (she has 3 boys) and was convinced on those grounds.

5 weeks later a girl popped out and we were genuinely surprised. DH and I, as we'd not wanted to know and had not ever had it officially confirmed either way.

I had a 17 week scan due to bleeding and the sonographer referred to baby as “she” the whole way through. He’s definitely a boy though!

I agree with some pp that it is really common for doctors to refer to babies as he regardless of the actual sex. Happens loads and loads and more often than not it’s no indication one way or the other of the sex.

Forget about it, congrats on your baby boy

Same thing happened to my SIL. Referred to baby as "he".

When I was pregnant both times I was told at the outset of my 20w scans by the sonographer not to be alarmed if they referred to the baby as 'he' because apparently this is a common medical thing so that in the event a patient is discussed, there are no confusions as to whether someone is referring to the mother (she) or the foetus (he).

I think if he started saying he you could also imagine looks were "shush - don't let it slip looks" when in fact they could have been anything - iyswim?

This thread shows you that even if they had told you outright it was one gender - it may not be correct!

Congratulations

I hope you revisit this thread OP in 20ish weeks and tell us how it all turns out

Happened to me at my last scan before the birth, 37 weeks or something. It was dc3 and we had surprises with the first two so I was sad I couldn't get the same with dc 3 but hey ho, main thing was that he was ok

This is going to sound arsey - but truly, if you had experienced getting bad news about the way your baby is developing in a scan, something like this wouldn't even register. Thank your lucky stars that all is well.

My sonographer told me I didn't have a viable pregnancy but second opinion showed health twins. It's a shame he made a mistake but I wouldn't complain, judging by his reaction he probably feels really bad he slipped up.

"He was lovely and had a look at everything as I was very anxious and have had numerous miscarriages so wanted to reassure me."

It is more important to have no anxieties about your baby than to have a surprise over the sex.

I know everything seems high-octane when you are expecting your first, but really, it will be OK. We did get some news of the 'oh, right, I see' type at the 20 week scan, but didn;'t find out the sex. I can tell you it was more important to be prepared for the anomaly than it was to have the surprise.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy your new baby.

I’d be annoyed if I didn’t want to know- surely it’s something that is drilled into them to not refer by sex

Quite possibly not a major feature of their training, as they are looking for anomalies and negotiating the issues of potentially discovering serious problems with an unborn baby, not acting as some kind of cutesy Gender Non-Disclosure service to parents to be. Honestly.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, OP.

I would be a bit disappointed, it is true - but in the end the sonographer was concentrating on the most important part of his job, and the news there was good. So, overall...one of those things.

@BlueThesaurusRex I absolutely will!!

It can still be a “surprise” as they don’t always get it right. It’s unfortunate that the sonographer let slip but now, turn it into a positive. Congratulations to you both. (I love baby boys....so sweet with their mums)

I had a similar experience this pregnancy, I had a presentation scan at 36 weeks and the midwife referred to the baby as he. She then looked a bit panicked and I thought she was covering her tracks by saying you said it was a he right? To which I said I didn’t know. Anyway I left convinced it was a boy, but 6 weeks later and I’ve just had a little girl. So it may not be a boy, they may just have referred to it as one by habit.

A very similar thing happened to me. They talked about “her” the whole way through the scan and we were reassured she was ok etc. Didn’t mind either way but as you say - they should have checked as we had asked not to know.

I then gave birth to a little boy. So I got my surprise after all!

I would be absolutely delighted your baby is healthy. The rest of it isn’t important.

I'm so glad your baby is ok.

I can totally understand your disappointment. I have sympathy for sonographers though- their job is to screen for fatal/ life limiting problems with a foetus. In your case, it was an extraordinary scan outside of the normal scanning programme and so the normal script that gets followed on a 20w scan (ie DO NOT MENTION SEX UNLESS ASKED) may not have been followed. I really think you have to make allowances for that- I'm quite sure that they understandably were focusing on the health of your foetus and their delivery of that good news to you, nothing else.
I really do think you ought to tell your partner too and am slightly aghast that you think you can cheerfully avoid sharing this experience with them.

This happened to us, I totally understand why you were disappointed to find out.

I chose to ignore the fact that they let slip ‘he’ and then referred to the baby as ‘baby’ later. I really wanted a boy (I already had a girl) but was convinced I would have another girl so just sort of refused to believe it until he arrived. He was a boy but the surprise was still there iyswim! Sounds like nothing is definite until you see your baby according to a lot of these stories! Exciting times whatever you have, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don’t worry about the surprise, children go on to surprise you in a million different ways (especially when you don’t want them to...they are potty trained, they are suddenly not potty trained, surprise! Etc etc ).