to be annoyed that sonographer slipped up?

[JingleJelly]

Had a scan at 17 weeks due to some bleeding. They could see where it was coming from and told me it's nothing to worry about but to take it easy. Sonographer said that as I'm there they'd have a look at the baby to make sure all is okay. He was lovely and had a look at everything as I was very anxious and have had numerous miscarriages so wanted to reassure me. He said he was going to look at the genitals to make sure all normal and to look away. I did as we want a surprise. After this, he stopped referring to baby as 'baby' and started using 'he'. The assistant in the room glared at him and gave him a very 'what are you doing!' type look, and he reverted back to saying 'baby'.

I'm not going to lie, I'm annoyed. It's not the end if the world and I'm so pleased baby is ok, but still saddened that I'm fairly sure it's a boy. I haven't told DP and am not going to, as I would like at least one of us to have the surprise we wanted.

AIBU to feel miffed by this? Anyone had the same thing? First baby and a bit disappointed that's all...

My dd was told her baby was a girl at first scan (she didn't realise she was pregnant until 25 weeks) then boy at a subsequent scan. Sonographer said definitely a boy, her colleague came in to second check something and referred to baby as she throughout.

Also when I gave birth to dd, she was rushed out of the room for oxygen and when midwife came back she told me that 'he' was fine now etc and I commented that to dh that he had been right it was a boy and the midwife unwrapped the baby saying that she hadn't checked!

It's possible that the sonographer just has a habit of referring to babies as he as pps have said. Good Luck for the rest of your pregnancy OP hope everything goes well.

I don't know why you have to hide it from your partner. Tell him what happened and ask if he wants to know the pronoun the guy used.

I don't know how common it is, but I knew from around 4-5 months that I was having a boy. I never asked for confirmation, I just knew 100%. I even knew he'd be born with a full head of hair. Nothing was a surprise to me (except the 24 hour labour) but it didn't negatively affect anything.

I have someone that was having the scan before they terminated and calling it a baby set them off saying no it was not a baby but a fetus and calling it a baby is wrong and emotional loaded term (they actually reported her for this is was insane its on record as a complaint but no action required)

It might have been a slip up from the person they saw before you too. Could still be a surprise girl, doctors aren't always right.

The sonography we had made the same stupid thoughtless gaff. I didn't hear it; my dh did. He never told me.

But it's still a surprise - just a bit early!

YANBU to be upset about it OP.

As for what pronoun to use for the baby, ours were both referred to as it until birth, even DC2 for whom we found out the expected sex - and as it happens they were right - but we'd heard so many stories of sonographers getting it wrong that we didn't tell anyone and continued with it until the birth.

@Mogleflop who's angry? I said I'm a bit miffed and asked if anyone has had this happen before. Turns out lots have and turns out it was actually not the sex they thought. I'm not crying in to my cornflakes, or holding resentment. I don't think anyone is? Was just a little bummed that's all. Perfectly normal no?

I'm sorry you've had bad news in the past. I have also, a number of times. It's awful so I know how you feel. People don't need to be made to feel guilty however for 'not being grateful', everyone is different and people can't help being slightly annoyed by something. I think that's perfectly normal. I'm more grateful for my baby than words can describe.

@MuddlingMackem I get told off by SD for saying 'it' haha! She's hilarious. 'You can't call it it. It's baby thank you very much' - kids are funny.

Oh, OP, you can't please everyone can you?

DC1 was only two when I was pregnant with DC2, so he was too young to care. If anyone else objected, too bad. I was pregnant and hormonal. LOL!

@MuddlingMackem haha!

SD has already decided it's going to be a girl called Lilo anyway...

Funnily enough DC1 kept saying he wanted a sister, and it was.

YABU. So you know one thing about your baby a bit earlier than you wanted to, that's it?

Nanny makes a good point and its one I used when family said "aren't u keeping it as a surprise?" It was still a surprise , just one that was unveiled early enough to stock up on the right clothes and settle on the names! Congratulations on your healthy pregnancy xxx

It happened to us too. The sonography slipped in a she. We asked her and she told us that she didn't know, didn't look and because she had daughters kept saying she.

'''Twas a girl obviously. I don't mind at all that she slipped up, we didn't really know until she was born.

Same happened to me OP when I had an amnio (abroad) due to my late pregnancy... All was normal which was a relief and the doc was v good. Unfortunately I saw the report open on his side of the desk when I went back. So I knew DS was a boy. Only I knew I knew, iyswim. DH was so keen on wanting a surprise that I just didn't say to ANYONE that I knew.
"No we want a surprise"

I had to pretend to look interested when drawing up a list of girl's names. Otherwise it was quite easy to just not say.

Sorry you were disappointed but you will still see the surprise on your family's faces!

@Iceweasel I'm only a little annoyed about it. Only had the scan yesterday afternoon and we were looking forward to a surprise at the birth. It hasn't ruined the pregnancy, or caused a great upset etc. Just slightly annoyed I don't get my surprise at the birth that's all! As pps have said however it might still be a girl! Though I'm fairly sure not. Surely it's normal to be a little annoyed? I figured that was human nature! Doesn't take away from the joy of the rest of my pregnancy.

To be fair next scan you might see a picture that makes it obvious it’s a boy anyway! These things happen. Doesn’t change anything so i’d let it go

I had a reveal when I didn’t want it. They found a problem with one of the testicles and had to tell me because I needed a repeat scan. Luckily no problems after he was born. I wasn’t too disappointed just a bit worried!

It may not be a boy, it comes out as habbit for some people... I didn't find out with mine, I was sure it was a girl, even more so after the scan, but the sonographer said "he's got big feet" or something a long those lines

(She was a girl just to confirm)!

I work in Radiology and it was sooooo hard for me as I knew the sonographers who scanned me so they knew before I did!!! I wanted to know but DH didn't, I was very tempted to have a quiet word and find out but I resisted!!

They did say at the beginning of the scan (before they had gone near me) they refer to all babies as he or she at differing times as they don't like saying it but you don't actually know which one!!! Which I think is an excuse to cover up mistakes in this instance personally!!

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy OP, wishing you a happy and healthy baby

I wouldn't lie to your DP I would just say that the sonographer slipped up whilst scanning and you think you know the sex of the baby and does you DP want to know too? It will be much worse for you if you lie as you'll have to carry that on for the duration.

We had a cleaner who insisted on calling all animals 'He', even her own female cats! I think it's automatic for a lot of people. I know I refer to teddies as 'He' until I'm put right by their owner! It's very possible your baby is a boy but who knows, I think there's still some uncertainty yet!

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.