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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be disappointed in my wedding?

113 replies

MartagonLilies · 26/05/2018 09:00

It was a few years ago now. It took me about 5months to even look at the photos.
My dress wasn't one that really suited me (although totally grateful for it, it was given to me)
We were forgotten about for an hour (left at church, waiting for our ride to come back for us to take us to reception)
There are a lot more things. Basically the whole event was a disaster.
I feel disappointed and I don't know why it's still bothering me so much, 5 years on.
I want to go back and do it again, our way. I wish I'd had it in a completely different, more chilled out way. I should have had a simple ceremony, in a registry office, wearing a dress of my choosing(probably a non wedding one) and then all disappeared to a lovely local restaurant.
We didn't even have a honeymoon Sad

I know I can't do anything about it which is maybe making it worse?! I know this is a completely self indulgent 1st world problem.

OP posts:
SweetCheeks1980 · 26/05/2018 09:03

Was there a reason your wedding wasn't to your choice?

Maybe start saving now and on your tenth wedding anniversary renew your vows?
Your way.

Or have a blessing with a small gathering.

Cyberworrier · 26/05/2018 09:04

Presumably you are happy to be married to your OH though, as a good thing that came out of it? Could you save up for a belated ‘honeymoon’ holiday and maybe have a nice anniversary party with close friends and family, more in the style of low key wedding you feel you should have had?

VogueVVague · 26/05/2018 09:06

Th point was to marry you husband. OK so you didnt have your fantasy dream wedding - why is that bothering you so mucj do you reckon?

Grandmaswagsbag · 26/05/2018 09:06

I cringe a bit when I think of mine. It was totally disorganised, not enough food, people turned up who we didn’t invite and it all got a bit out of hand. If I could it again I’d do it very differently! Just move on, I’m sure your gusts had fun regardless, you got married, dod the vows etc, that’s the important bit. Not worth dwelling over when you consider the other challenges life may throw!

jess6543 · 26/05/2018 09:08

What's done is done and you can't turn back time.

You could renew your vows for a happy memor?

LoveInTokyo · 26/05/2018 09:08

Why not have a honeymoon now to make up for it?

raisedbyguineapigs · 26/05/2018 09:10

I'm still disappointed about my wedding 12 years later. I thought about a 10th anniversary party etc but s big honeymoon type holiday when you have 2 kids is different and much more expensive and my DH doesn't feel as bad as me. He just looks back and laughs at all the disasters! It doesn't bother him!

LilMadAgain · 26/05/2018 09:10

I feel your pain op. My wedding (7 years ago) was an absolute cockwomble of a fuck up. My husband and I are two seriously laid back mild mannered people and yet there was a punch up Confused that's not even the worst. My wedding haunted me for years but I started to realise that it didn't matter because my marriage was a very happy and uneventful one, I no longer feel the need to redo one broken day in what will hopefully continue to be a lifetime of happy ones. Would you consider renewing your vows?

VileyRose · 26/05/2018 09:11

Would you consider s handfasting or something where you can do it your way?

NataliaOsipova · 26/05/2018 09:11

Are you happy in your marriage? Because that's what really matters. Look forward and move on; maybe do something lovely as an anniversary treat? Every year if funds allow. Focus on the future. A wedding day is just that - a day.

Stopthatalreadyok · 26/05/2018 09:11

I was so poorly for my wedding with my stupid chronic neurological disability that meant I was wheeled up to the church, I managed to walk down the aisle though. It pissed it down with rain and I just felt so poorly and I felt like my hair was ruined. I think it's OK to look back and think it could have gone better, and obviously I'm so happy we are married but I wish I could have enjoyed the day more. I think the reason you are still upset is probably the same as me, you know you can never do it again! And there's always pictures of other people's perfect weddings all over etc... Meh, hope you feel better about it one day

AnneProtheroe · 26/05/2018 09:13

Please don't renew your vows, if you decide to have a big party. People just wonder which of you broke them. Sorry that your wedding day was disappointing Flowers but really, it is the marriage not the one day that matters.

Original poster
MartagonLilies · 26/05/2018 09:13

I think we allowed ourselves to be persuaded into doing it how 'it should be done'.
I thought about vow reaffirming, a r 10 years, however I don't know anyone who has actually done so. I've heard a few couples mention they would, just they haven't.
Also, won't people predict affair? I've seen a few threads suggesting so.

I wish we could have a honeymoon, just it's a few years late, no?

I don't know why it's bothering me so much, I'm normally quite laid back, so surprised I'm even still thinking about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
MartagonLilies · 26/05/2018 09:16

Crossed posts with the last few. I'm glad it's not just me, although obviously sorry others didn't also enjoy the day.
Yes, I think it's because our chance to do it out way has been and gone!

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 26/05/2018 09:17

I know it’s easier said than done, but OP, you need to move past your feelings about your wedding. It was one day. I have a few regrets about my wedding, but not one regret about my marriage.

LoveInTokyo · 26/05/2018 09:19

It’s never too late to have a honeymoon! I think you should go for it. Smile

Echobelly · 26/05/2018 09:20

The thing is that thinking about it serves no purpose. It won't change anything, it won't help. Maybe try a mindfulness type approach where you think of a phrase like 'This won't help' or 'I will let this pass' every time those thoughts occur. It may take a while to work, but if you keep at it, I find it a good way to get rid of unhelpful, invasive thoughts

LoveInTokyo · 26/05/2018 09:23

OP, have you ever been to a brilliant, picture perfect wedding of a couple who are no longer together?

Madonnasmum · 26/05/2018 09:25

I think the problem is were conditioned to think our wedding days will be perfect and the best days of our lives and that's allot to live up to.
You should allow yourselve to a knowledge that some bits did go pear shaped but the ultimate outcome was you got married. I spent years wishing my wedding had been different but realise it was getting me know where.
There's no reason you can't book a honey moon now, I plan to once the DC are old enough to not want to come! A beach, a book, a cocktail and DH (in that order). No kids clubs or animation. Can't wait x

Yorkshirebetty · 26/05/2018 09:26

There is a chronic over emphasis nowadays on "the perfect day". No such thing exists. Put it behind you, you can't remake the past. The most important thing is your marriage, which is in the here and now.

Madonnasmum · 26/05/2018 09:27

I'm not sure what happened to my spelling there! Soz!

ScrubTheDecks · 26/05/2018 09:27

Bloody hell, who forgot to come and get you from the church? That’s AWFUL!

I wonder if what you are feeling is about how you get / got treated? Over-ridden in your choices of wedding style, pressured to wear a dress that didn’t suit you, and actually literally forgotten? Was it family who treated you like this? Do they still?

userabcname · 26/05/2018 09:28

That's a shame OP. Definitely save up and do something big on a significant anniversary - renew vows, big party, holiday of a lifetime etc.

Lemons1571 · 26/05/2018 09:30

I totally hear you, I allowed DM and MIL too much say about “how it should be done”. Apparently people would look down on a wedding abroad Confused. So we ended up with so many concessions, too many guests that DH had met once when he was 2, and a chilled out disco instead of the party tunes I wanted. I’m still resentful to this day when I remember it. Would love to renew vows but would be gutted if people thought it was because one of us cheated, so it sees that’s out too.

BillywilliamV · 26/05/2018 09:31

OP, you dont need to renew your vows, they were for life. Decide what a dream day would be for you and DH now and then do that. Maybe on your own, or involving the kids or your whole family. Your wedding did its job, if you want a memory make a new one.