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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be disappointed in my wedding?

113 replies

MartagonLilies · 26/05/2018 09:00

It was a few years ago now. It took me about 5months to even look at the photos.
My dress wasn't one that really suited me (although totally grateful for it, it was given to me)
We were forgotten about for an hour (left at church, waiting for our ride to come back for us to take us to reception)
There are a lot more things. Basically the whole event was a disaster.
I feel disappointed and I don't know why it's still bothering me so much, 5 years on.
I want to go back and do it again, our way. I wish I'd had it in a completely different, more chilled out way. I should have had a simple ceremony, in a registry office, wearing a dress of my choosing(probably a non wedding one) and then all disappeared to a lovely local restaurant.
We didn't even have a honeymoon Sad

I know I can't do anything about it which is maybe making it worse?! I know this is a completely self indulgent 1st world problem.

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 26/05/2018 14:29

I also hate my wedding pictures and my mum and dad and his parents just pushed for the day they wanted really! i look awful in most of the photos.
still, its been 29 years this year , being with the one you love and being happy is more important, but i do hear you and you will move on from this.
you could do as other suggest and save up for a big party on one of the anniversaries?

CheshireChat · 26/05/2018 14:29

Whatshallidonowpeople well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Look at the bright side of things OP, you still want to go through the same rigmarole again with the same man so I think you're doing ok even if you're disappointed.

Floottoot · 26/05/2018 14:29

We've been married 19 years this year, but I still have a few regrets about how the wedding went.
Good reasons best known to herself, my mum didn't want to come wedding dress shopping with me, so I went entirely on my own. I chose a very expensive previously loved dress from a dress agency. By the craziest of coincidences, my mother later found out it had previously been worn by her friend's daughter, and my mother saw fit to discuss how much I'd paid for it with her friend, before relaying to me that I'd paid way over the odds for it. 😒
My twin sister was asked to be bridesmaid and agreed to but later refused, on the grounds that she would not wear any dress I chose. She also refused to come to my hen meal, unless I paid for her travel and meal.
My dad didn't come to the wedding because he was mentally unwell, so I had no-one to give me away. In the end, DH and I flouted all convention and were driven to the ceremony together and walked in together.

We spent a lot of money on a carefully chosen photographer and even changed the time of the wedding, at their request, to get the best light. But the photos are awful and I hate them so much that we only have the proofs.

I think what upsets me most is just how typical the day was of the crapness of my family.

Murane · 26/05/2018 14:42

My wedding was a disaster. I was having a bad time health-wise and had gained loads of weight so I was huge. The dress turned up late and looked a mess. It was so bad I wanted to just wear an ordinary dress instead, but DH forced me to wear the wedding dress. The photographer ruined the photos and I only have mobile phone pictures. And a few weeks afterwards a falling out led to people taking sides and we haven't seen a third of our wedding guests since then (and likely never will again). Plus we couldn't afford a honeymoon, and we were having building work done which over-ran, so the builders were in the day before the wedding and the day after!

Fruitcorner123 · 26/05/2018 14:42

I should have had a simple ceremony, in a registry office, wearing a dress of my choosing(probably a non wedding one) and then all disappeared to a lovely local restaurant
why not plan this for your tenth anniversary or something(obviously not the registry office bit but you could do some kind of renewal of vows) then plan a lovely holiday for straight afterwards and make it your honeymoon. People won't be bothered at all and you can just say no gifts so it wont be a huge invonvenience to them. YANBU to regret your decisions but you should look for a way to solve the problem rather than ruminating over something you can't change.

specialsubject · 26/05/2018 14:46

I'd be really sorry for anyone whose wedding was the best day of their lives unless it was the day before their death.

one day, went a bit wrong as days do. Forget it, everyone else will have done so!

hope the marriage is ok.

IrmaFayLear · 26/05/2018 14:47

Glove punch, Floottoot.

My dm also refused to come wedding dress shopping with me, and I went alone. My df was dead, so couldn’t attend! My photos too were not the best.

What made me sad was the fact that i have subsequently attended many weddings and everyone seems so happy for the bride and groom, whereas I had to contend with several sour guests.

Oh, and the pil arrived at the church after me. No excuse. And fil buttonholed me whilst signing the register to complain that the road to the church was bumpy and that he was cross he might have damaged his car.

And no one chipped in a penny and we received some really mean presents.

And one aunt who I see a couple of times a year mentions every single time that she didn’t like the food at my wedding and why wasn’t there a menu. This has been going on for twenty flippin’ years .

itstimeforanamechange · 26/05/2018 14:52

I cringe a bit when I think of mine, too. The actual wedding was lovely and people seems to get on well and have a good day.

But I didn't like my dress and I still don't like it. I was looking at two, and was persuaded to go for the one I went for because it would look better on photos but I still wish I'd gone for the plainer one. The one I wore had a silly long train and people kept standing on it by accident which gave me a bit of a sense of humour failure.

I think we are socialised to expect too much of our weddings and it's not entirely surprising that you feel disappointed with at least one element of it. I think DH wishes we'd gone for a more expensive (and competent) photographer but ultimately the main thing is that you are still married and happy.

gillybeanz · 26/05/2018 14:58

Our wedding was a bit of a disaster but we saw the funny side as being married was the main reason for the wedding, not the day.
When we have discussed it over the years we still think we might not still be together if it was perfect, we didn't spend much money, it was cheap with a hired dress.
It's sad that many who attended are dead now, it was nearly 26 years ago.

raisedbyguineapigs · 26/05/2018 14:58

Ooh can I tell my disastrous wedding story too? I stupidly decided to get married in my parents home country thinking I could insist on the lovely chapel and a beachside reception. What actually happened was that I ended up getting married in a register office in the UK beforehand because the potential cock ups in the paperwork may have led to the marriage being invalid, about 5 people I knew we're able to turn up but my mum had booked the massive cathedral instead so I was surrounded by 500 people I didn't know, including a clutch of bridesmaids randomly chosen by my mother. I ordered a cake to be made by the 5 star hotel we were in but without my knowledge my uncle cancelled it and got his mate to do it. To say it was amateurish is an understatement. My mum told me in the wedding car not to say anything about the cake Hmm. It was also inedible so we had no cake. My fil decided to make a scene everywhere he went, including picking fights at dinner and my reception. My purse was stolen at the reception so I spent 3 days reporting it down the police station. My DH got food poisoning before we were due to go on to our honeymoon so we couldn't go. OTOH our registry office wedding was lovely, informal and fun. I had everyone I wanted there. If I'd known what a disaster the actual wedding was going to be, If have spent more time and money on the register office wedding and gone on a fabulous honeymoon!

ltk · 26/05/2018 15:07

I feel lucky to have remained married long enough to regret lots of things about the wedding: hair (what was I thinking?)/dress/ music. But I love the results.

Have a honeymoon or a party for your next anniversary, whether it's no. 6 or no. 7 or whatever. You don't need to wait for a landmark to celebrate.

The80sweregreat · 26/05/2018 15:10

My sil recommended my photographer - he was useless! Oh to organise a wedding with the internet these days, Must be so much easier.

WineGummyBear · 26/05/2018 15:13

OP there's so much pressure for everything in our lives to be perfect.

It's not your wedding that's the problem. It's how you feel about your wedding.

Weddings are stressful events and often end up with the bride and groom tying themselves in knots to please people. This thread shows how many weddings aren't perfect. (Mine wasn't either).

GabsAlot · 26/05/2018 15:15

my wedding pics werent great but then i did get married abroad-didnt really like the dress either

but thats not whats important is it-my dsis first wedding was al bellss and whistles was beautiful but they got divorced 5 years later-where as im still married

Yorkshirebetty · 26/05/2018 15:24

It's worth repeating : it's the marriage not the wedding that's important. Thanks to all the people that have posted horror wedding stories, the OP must know she's not alone!

Yorkshirebetty · 26/05/2018 15:25

By the way, the Gospel Choir was Charles' idea. He knew them and suggested them. Meghan was touched.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/05/2018 15:31

I am still sad about mine op, so I understand. My mother wasn’t speaking to me, and the whole thing was so stressful. I didn’t even get my hair done so my hair was falling down. I was just so stressed. We didn’t invite someone we early should have .
I was so sad about it that I bought a really beautiful dress and wanted to have a blessing, but then I got pregnant and motherhood took over.
I too have mulled over renewing vows but as I am very happily married then I feel the vows I made still stand. Could you have a whopper of an anniversary party ? Buy something you love to wear? Have a really happy relaxed time ?
So many wedding days aren’t “perfect”, but what matters is the marriage, I do know that. The wedding is just one day out of all your time together.

FASH84 · 26/05/2018 15:33

You're married that's the important bit, now just take an anniversary honeymoon type holiday, no kids!

Jaxhog · 26/05/2018 15:46

I still cringe at aspects of mine. We also got left at the church, only to arrive at parents house to find all the guest huddled round the TV watching the grand national!

After 40 years, we just laugh now. You will too.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 26/05/2018 16:02

If you build up your wedding day to be the most wonderful day of your life, that means it's all downhill after that.

It really shouldn't be.

Go on a fantastic honeymoon, and celebrate how far you've come.

codswallopandbalderdash · 26/05/2018 16:24

Oh OP I feel for you. I didn't get married to DH for 15 years ... we lived together quite happily until then. But when we did get married we did it our way (mainly) although there was an awful lot of 'oh you can't do that' and ''it won't be a proper wedding unless", and attempts to interfere mainly from DM and DMiL.

So yes I can understand how you feel upset but don't be hard on yourself - it is hard to stand up to the pressure of what other people want, and you and DH can do everything else your way now, including a lovely holiday / honeymoon ... its one day, that's all

viques · 26/05/2018 16:30

yorkshirebetty didn't know that, it was a lovely choir though!

bigKiteFlying · 26/05/2018 16:36

I should have had a simple ceremony, in a registry office, wearing a dress of my choosing(probably a non wedding one) and then all disappeared to a lovely local restaurant.
We didn't even have a honeymoon sad

We did all the above accept have a honeymoon - we went straight back to work on the Monday.

Our families were difficult - best man's wife full of nasty comments. Il and best man and wife kept us up till 3.30 am then were knocking on our door at 8.00 am as best man wife wanted to go shoppingHmm. I'd manage to objected to IL lending our flat's bedroom out to Bestmand and wife without asking us.

No one made a fuss of either of us - no formal photos something I wish I now had. I sometime get upset watching Say ye to the Dress as no-one wanted to shop with me prior to day and stuff I had booked for day nails and hair got cut short as my family came early and wouldn’t wait.

I’d got talked out of getting married aboard – potential legal problem which could have been solves by quick registry office then going - and family not wanting to travel and IL making it clear they'd hand around on our honeymoon as we'd obviously love to have themHmm.

I wish we hadn’t been talked out of a honey moon – Best man's wife was very vocal of waste – we got a weekend year later at B & B which wasn’t great TBH – thin walls and stuff in area I didn’t like – hill walking and caving.

meh - I'm glad we are married and that we didn't spend any more money on the day.

We did at first try and celebrate our anniversary - but had years of even us have a film and takeout being thwarted we tend not to bother which seems to now bemuse family.

I think if we done anything differnt we'd have just had different problems and regrets.

I don't think YABU but honestly I'd look forward.

HopeClearwater · 26/05/2018 16:49

YABU
Coulda shoulda woulda...
look forward, not back.
The only reason I’m disappointed in my wedding day is that the groom turned out to be a raving alcoholic who’s drinking himself to death.

IrmaFayLear · 26/05/2018 17:10

Glad to find other lone dress shoppers. My shopping experience was certainly not Say Yes to the Dress. I still don’t understand why dm wasn’t interested. I asked her to come with me and she just said, “No thank you.” Sad

And no fuss made of me at all. As usual, dm was obsessed with comfort of random relatives. Pil adopted their usual grim expressions used for all their sons’ weddings. Nothing to do with sadness at losing a son, and everything to do with mil not being centre of attention. At bil’s wedding fil had a stand-up row with bil outside the church because apparently bil was focusing too much on his bride instead of mil. Typical.

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