To be annoyed at having to keep quiet about my baby's sex?

[mintich]

I am pregnant with my second baby and my in-laws have decided they don't want to know the sex of the baby. They did this with my first baby and it was stressful trying not to slip up. A member of the family did slip up and they were really angry!!
This time more family members on their side have decided they don't want to know but I just think it's stupid! It's our news and we should decide whether it's a secret. It makes me not want to talk about the pregnancy at all with them. AIBU?

Tell everyone but them, and then if someone else accidentally lets it drop, it's not your bad!

It's silly of them, and pointlessly fussy.

Fvck em. This is not their decision!!

I'd just carry on as normal with everyone else and tell them the sex if that's what you choose. With the inlaws, just don't discuss the baby at all and if they question you, say you thought they didn't want to know. They can't stop you telling other people, that's ridiculous.

It's like a weird way of owning your pregnancy 😡 I wouldn't allow anyone to control me like that.

My grandparents were happy to know and my parents wanted it to be a surprise. We just spoke about 'he/him' somedays and 'she/her' at others. I loved it but my gran found it really hard though!

Yanbu but it sounds like they care a lot about your DC and are excited.

Just tell them all that as they don't want to know the sex you won't be able to have any contact with them until after the birth.

What a weird family! Tell who you bloody like!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. My FIL insisted he didn't want to know the sex, and as he lives a long way away and is not on social media at all I figured this would be manageable.

However it's led to my husband referring to the baby as it 'in case I slip up in front of Dad', and I finally had to explain that the repercussions of accidentally dropping a pronoun in front of his father were as nothing to the wrath of his wife if he keeps referring to his unborn son as if he's a can of baked beans.

If other family members had requested it I'd have told them tough. This is my pregnancy and I'm not self-censoring the whole thing just because they want their surprise moment after birth rather than after scan.

How silly of them! It's not their decision. Stop enabling their controlling bullshit. Just put it on FB. If they get angry, too fucking bad! Bunch of twats.

It's like a weird way of owning your pregnancy This. I've never heard anything so strange. It's not their baby and therefore they don't get to decide things. What next, will they be insisting on having a say in what you name him/her?

What the actual? Seriously - it’s not a surprise - it’ll either be a boy or a girl.
Tell them you’ll do as you please. Honestly

Nuts. Id say something like "im not going to any lengths to keep this from you so if you dont want to hear then its your responsibility to stay away til the baby arrives".

You could point out that with your third, if they're so concerned to have a surprise, you won't even burden them with the knowledge that you're pregnant but just turn up one day with a lovely surprise new baby!

Very odd. My PIL are a PITA so I would use it as excuse to not see them for months 😂

My aunt did this! And so my mum, who lived with her and was going to become a grandma for the first time, felt she couldn't really talk about the most exciting thing that was happening in her life. It was bizarre to have to "watch myself" whenever she phoned to ask about my pregnancy.

And then it so anticlimactic after the birth. She phoned, said congratulations, and asked "Was it a boy or a girl?" "A girl." "Oh lovely, a girl." 6 months of fuss for that!

With my second pregnancy, I just flat out said we were expecting a baby boy. When she got upset that I'd told her, I just said I forgot and that I was so excited, wasn't it wonderful my DD was going to have a little brother, etc. SO MUCH BETTER.

Just let it slip OP.

How bloody ridiculous!!!

OP, I STRONGLY suggest that you nip this nonsense in the bud as if they are this controlling and ridiculous, the demands will not end here.

"sorry, we're not doing that this time as it caused us a lot of stress last time which I'm sure was not your intention. It's a girl."

That.

Do yourself a MASSIVE favour and just say it.

What on Earth! It’s NOT their baby and NOT their choice! I’d apologise and say, ‘we don’t want to keep it a secret this time, sorry.’ They sound like controlling lunatics

They are fully entitled to not want to know. I really doubt they've put much thought into how difficult a secret it is to keep. Plenty of people don't want to know.

However, it isn't their pregnancy so you need to explain to them that it is really tricky to keep double checking what you've just said in order to let nothing slip. That you won't be continuing with it for this reason. It's very simple.

A completely unanimous response to an AIBU. I really think mumofmunchkin has it nailed. That’s a really clever response.
It’s not about them - or about what they want. Are they always so self-obsessed?

Yeah, on balance, just tell'em. They won't die. Why are they giving you this stupid task to keep it quiet when you're pregnant and should be relaxed and happy? Just tell 'em.

They are being ridiculous. They don’t have control over your or your baby’s mind or body. They don’t control you. Tell who you like. Tell us!

This is ridiculous. I think you can keep babies sex a secret or tell or not find out
Other than you and your DP, noone else gets to choose!

The thought of you doing a gender reveal event made me smile. Have you told your DC - them letting it slip might be the way to go to avoid any arguments although they need to give themselves a chat if they think that hearing lovely news is annoying. Lots of luck with the pregnancy - don’t let their daftness spoil it.

I never understand why adults allow themselves to be bullied by family. It's simple. Care about the thoughts and feelings of people who care about yours. Don't worry about people who don't no matter who they are. Do what is right for you and the family you are building. Those who respect you will respect your choice, those that don't- tell them to do one. You don't need them in your life. You are a free person, your family members either by blood or marriage do not own you.

It's you and DP's baby! I'd be facebooking that - and I don't usually do stuff like that. Set your cover pic to baby blue or baby pic and put "Keeping Mum!" across it ;)