Instamums in the Telegraph

[caperberries]

Is there a new thread about this?

Yeah we get some... interesting... stuff.

Nope, totally on board with that. Throwaway comment but a really shite one.

People don't post on IG for the simple reason;

If you don't agree, you get trolled, followed, tagged, virtually spat at, so on and so forth.

It happened to me last week ffs.

It's very simple to understand, and it's making me want to smash my head against a brick wall in frustration.

We use this forum because we, on the whole, allow extremely differently views. You simply cannot do that on IG and it's not right and it's not ok.

I'm not sure that influencer was 'hounded off' by us though, was she? It looked to me like the damage was way worse in her comments section.

@Susie3Milo yes it plays out as a conversation. With different points of view with some dissent at times. But that's how people talk and is much more representative than the one way flow of fawning and agreeing there is on instagram.

Susie, you have a platform that can be used in a number of ways.. you can share your life, your ideas, your view... you can also share products that you have bought or been paid to advertise. There is a lot you can do with your platform- how you use this is your decision and it is up to your viewers to decide whether to scroll by or engage.
The debate over whether you post ad's or sponsored is part of that.

There is another platform you have, you have a load of followers who want to be the next you. These people will wash you with positivity and likes, they want to be noticed so they can step up the ladder and be the next big hit, because of the platform they will then have.

This means that when a question is asked, they will defend you if they think this is criticism. Their behaviour can be aggressive and quite unkind. How do you handle these 'fangirls', who could easily bring your reputation in to a negative perception through what they are saying? (Kind of what happened to some one else this week!)

Postman - That looks like a pledge to me. 'By 2019', how much have they donated so far? What happens if they dissolve....

@Susie3Milo thorough response. Thank you.

Do you not see though that what has happened to MOD, also happened to people without her platform on IG? But simply put, because we aren't as popular, no one cares/notices.

I was told that I should fuck off and die but someone on a MOD grid post who followed me over to FB.

But I'm a no one, so no one cares. It can't be one rule for one and not for the other.

I appreciate what @Susie has said and the idea that we aren’t two separate monolithic entities of MN vs IG. I love Instagram although I don’t follow many of the instamums.

*by

And that's just one particular comment.
People telling me I'm a shit mum, that I'm anti feminist, that I will never get laid, that I'm a jealous witch with no life, that I deserve to be shagged and dumped - the list is endless.

And all I did was disagree to a comment with any form of personal attack or commentary at all.

I really didn't think MN had a vast amount to do with her going tbh, I thought it was more of a thing between IGers. After all, she came on here and we all appreciated it as it can't have been easy. And she kept coming back and answered hard questions and whilst I was never a follower (too many ads, honestly nothing else) I did think it showed a lot of good intentions. But I think the person we met came across a bit differently on IG and maybe interacted with those that criticised a bit differently on IG DMs. I'm not sure why.

There's a big major difference between someone like MOD and posters on here/instagram commenters. And that's that she is paid to be there, and they/we aren't. And if you make something your job then the whole nature of how you conduct yourself online has to change. You can’t be instafamous, and say whatever you like, and take little or no responsibility for putting out (often sensitive) content AND be paid for it. You have to censor yourself. And moderate your comments, or pay somebody else to.

I don't mean YOU Susie, btw. I mean generally.

I do personally try to jump in if I think someone on my comments section is being unfairly attacked although admittedly, if it sometimes starts to get a bit heated I DO just walk away from the app for the night (I don’t always consider my ‘job’ to monitor what’s going on and that may or may not be right. Like I said, not a fan of confrontation so sometimes for my own sanity I have to put my phone down). I possibly need to look at that going forward. I don’t want people to think they’re not ALLOWED to ask questions/disagree... if I’ve ever mentioned negativity before it’s been more about maintaining a level of respect (so, just not messaging me with ‘SHAME ON YOU!’ etc) I posted about Repeal The 8th today and plenty of people disagreed with one another but there was a level of decency which meant it was just a healthy discussion. Would you rather the poster jumped in more?

I don't think people expect you to jump in constantly. That'd be unsustainable.

Yeah I’m not OK with mud-slinging or threats (says the girl threatening to cut people...) but no, I’m not. If that was on my timeline then I’d consider that something to shut down. I didn’t see what happened with Clemmie, merely just had DMs asking where she’d gone, but I’m sorry you had that sort of thing sent to you. Everyone needs to calm the heck down.

I know we are not meant to be mentioning names but Susie has legitimately mentioned the person who has left instagram (TPWHLI)

I think instagrammers need to look s but beyond the convenient narrative that TPWHLI was entirely blameless. It is actually not being a good friend or supporter to not give some wise counsel and advise that person to look at the part they played in the whole debacle - DMs etc. Lack of insight etc.

Separately, (and I don't expect an answer on an open forum to this) but what part did other influencers play in this with ill conceived comments and stories? We don't know what messages TPWHLI was receiving from her fellow influencers behind the scenes. How much did that fire up someone who already clearly struggled with any type of "dissent" (as she saw it) rather than trying to defuse

‘Hounded’ meant in a general sense, sorry. Not necessarily from people on here.

I have seen MP jump in to calm things down. I do think the poster has a responsibility to do that. I know the discussions are over here because of the abuse that people get over there if they question- some of which has been evidenced above!

I think @Susie3Milo if you can help build a gap, can I suggest rather than just supporting or not supporting perhaps be one of the people to say on a post like Laura's "you know what? Let's not make this them and us, let open up the discussion" and therefore not add fuel to anyone's fire.

Not suggesting that you are doing that btw (let's not discussing the cutting ever again, it's done) - but maybe it's what needed?

I think we all agree something needs to shift.

Really sorry but I’m not familiar with this abbreviation!
And unfortunately I cant comment because I think a lot of it’s passed me by. I’m more than happy to answer on behalf of myself and think it’s safe kept that way (also wanted to mention the WS event) but I can’t talk about what goes on between others privately, I’m not privy to those chats x

I've only skimmed but who is TPWHLI?
Personally speaking, I'll be mentioning names sparsely and respectfully until MNHQ tells me or this thread otherwise. They haven't yet.

Absolutely. I was considering putting a post out with a similar vein but didn’t but want it to seem disingenuous and thought it best to come on here first. The idea It was seen as a way to encourage traffic/engagement was a bit of a concern x

TPWLI is just a needlessly confusing acronym for the person who left Instagram and I guess is meant to mean Mother Of Daughters. Who also gets referees to as CH or MOD.

I don't think every post needs to be jumped on but I think the IGer has the ability to set the tone of the conversation and steer it in the right direction. Ranty posts are likely to result in ranty opinionated responses (and make it harder for a dissenting view to feel it can be voiced). Some IGers have the ability to create an atmosphere of conversation, with a range of opinions being capable of being heard.

*referred

Yes, that.

If the post is set up in the right tone, it's less likely to descend into madness.