Neighbour Problem...

[ComfortablyGlum]

Bit sensitive this so come on here for advice.

Someone moved into next door recently - they were a parent of someone else in the street (small quiet cul de sac). All fine until the good weather started.

This lady appears to be a carer for a special needs person. Since the start of the good weather the special needs person spends the day swearing at the top of her voice in the garden. She is sometimes placated by her carer but she’s soon back to it.

My younger children are getting really upset by it now - I’ve tried to explain the lady isn’t well and it’s not her fault etc but even I’m becoming very weary of it. It’s the ‘very bad swear words’ too. I’m not a prude and can be sweary quite often but having these screamed out daily it’s awful.

I have NO intention of storming round to complain - I realise it’s a tricky situation but wondered if there was a ‘nice’ way to see if the carer could do anything to improve the situation?

Would I be unreasonable to approach her at all or is this something I’m just going to have to put up with from now on? Should I maybe approach the daughter of the carer who lives in the same street instead - I do know her a little and feel I could broach the subject quite easily.

Constant miggledy. Literally not a seconds break in them. There is a train of ambulances outside my house. I’ve taken advice from this thread and turned the hose on them. That’ll each them.

Op, if your hours are correct, then it sounds like your NDN is a support worker, or a PA.
Which in the company I work for, taking clients home has been clamped down on, as it leaves the people open to abuse by being neglected eg. Put in front of the TV for hours on end whilst the person being paid to support them were actually just going about their own business like doing their housework, playing computer games etc instead of engaging with them.
Saying the woman is in the garden for hours shouting every weekday at the same time makes me feels very uncomfortable.

illustrously - yes funny that isn't it? A competent child pianist practicising for half an hour (inside) or at most an hour at a time has Mumsnet raging how unfair it is on the neighbours, but shouting/swearing for hours on end out in the garden, which presumably can be heard all over the street, is absolutely fine!

is absolutely fine!

Do you realise how many people post on MN? It’s not just three people deciding what is ok and what isn’t.

again, different people. MN is not a hive mind

1) the RSPCA don’t deal with barking dogs. The council do. Call them then
2) I’m already dealing with it. I wasn’t asking for advice on it. Never said you did
3) are you ok, hun? Ewww

Sirens aren't constant in anyones street. At least try to sound reasonable

So true.

olivia what is your actual problem with me? Your responses to me are becoming ridiculous.

Do you realise how many people post on MN?

It just seems to be you on this thread at the mo......

me what?

Surely some compromise could be reached. Maybe you could agree on an hour where the lady wouldn't be in the garden so the OP's children could go outside and play then. It's understandable that they feel intimidated, not so much by the words, but the angry tone.

That's a crappy compromise. What's needed here is proper intervention and medical help, because its crappy for the OP and all the neighbours, and seriously crappy for the woman herself.

I'm boggled by the amount of posters who just say leave her alone she can't help it...she obviously needs massive help.

Oh God, another thread where posters wave their arms around in anger if someone one dares to suggest that a disabled person should be treated differently to how they are currently being treated.

No one is suggesting that she be incarcerated in a strait jacket, but at the same time the OP has children who cannot use their garden while she's out there because of her loud, sweary language. It's clearly not an appropriate environment for the poor lady and the OP has the right to not continually have to make compromises to use her garden.

It's a difficult situation but it's definitely not one where the disabled person should be left alone to carry on screaming and swearing without intervention because "they can't help it".

A quiet, gentle

Posted too soon.

Opening a quiet, gentle but firm dialogue with the neighbour is the best place to start here.

It's the UK - it'll be pouring with rain soon. Problem solved.

My adult (31) son has LD and autism.
He makes a VERY LOUD, droning noise when he's happy/excited/interested.
It sounds as though he is tied up and being tortured.
It used to worry my neighbour 'Is Ben* OK?'
When I explained it was his happy noise, they would say 'He's got a new book, then?'.
You should hear him in the Library!

I agree with pp that it seems like you are afraid OP, I think you could and should help your children not to be afraid but I also think the carer should find activities to lessen the time of shouting episodes if it is hours all day, every weekday.
She should be doing more activities with her than just keeping her in the back garden.

*Ben is not his name.

Oh God, another thread where posters wave their arms around in anger if someone one dares to suggest that a disabled person should be treated differently to how they are currently being treated.

Imagine a person being angry at the expectation of a disabled person being shut away for the pleasure of others. How very dare people be angry about that.

P.S. no-one was waving their arms.

Zib- I was speaking metaphorically, which should have been obvious, considering that this is a virtual discussion forum.

And nowhere did I say disabled people should be shut away

No-one was even metaphorically waving their arms. Who do you imagine was?

I never said you said disabled people should be shut away.

Imagine a person being angry at the expectation of a disabled person being shut away for the pleasure of others. How very dare people be angry about that

That wasn't the point and you know it

You can explain to your children what is going on, and to be kind people and zone it out. You can teach them that they are lucky in this world to not have the ongoing abnormal brain activity that would cause the anger/upset and moods that go along with special needs.

Be one of the good people in the world, not one of the pain in the ass neighbours who doesn't take the moment to try and work around these things.

I am a good person, a good neighbour, and pretty tolerant of most things but I can understand the OPs concerns.

We live near an assisted living home for autistic adults. Most of the time it's pretty quiet and loud noises are intermittent during the day but there have been times when it's unbearable to listen to. One young man would shout and make aggressive sounding noises for hours - and when I say hours I mean 5+. It's quite hard to enjoy being in your garden with such a noise going continually. Tolerance wears thin when you can't relax in your own home because of someone else's behaviour, regardless of whether or not they can help that behaviour. When he started keeping us up at night between midnight and 5am with the same noises, we made an appointment with the homes managers to see what we could do to reduce the impact.

It's not about having no sympathy or empathy, I fully understand that Fred is unable to control his behaviour but that means little after listening to 4-6 hours of screaming/shouting. Thankfully the manager of the home appears to have listened to our concerns and resolved the main issues.

That wasn't the point and you know it

So what was the point then? Because it sounded very much like “I’m fed up of disabled people whingeing on here”

The point is that its in neither the shouters nor anyone elses best interest to have them shouting obscenities all day long in a garden. It isn't fair to the neighbours, their children, or the person themselves.
You can't just say "its a disability so no one is allowed to have any problem with it", that doesn't help anyone.

Who said no one I said no-one is allowed to have any problem with it?

Is allowed

Oh fgs. Ignore the “I said no-one”