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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I overreacted

144 replies

beardedlobster · 22/05/2018 15:03

Sorry a bit of an essay.
When we viewed our house two years ago we absolutely loved it however we were concerned as the offices of a charity back onto it and there was a massive window which overlooked the garden. We asked the office about how used this area was and they were brilliant. They let us in and showed us that actually those windows were frosted and never opened to ensure privacy of the residents whose houses they backed onto. Fantastic we moved in and never once have had a problem.
On Friday I was out in the garden wearing a vest top and knickers hanging out my washing. I heard a whistle and looked around and one of the office windows was wide open and a man was looking at me waving and had his phone out as though taking a picture. Please note this is not a stealth boast there is nothing attractive about me in a vest top and knickers!
I was mortified and after getting dressed went round and complained to the company and described what had happened.
I have heard back from them today and they have informed me they were able to identify the individual involved who had admitted it and showed them the pictures he had taken on his phone (which he has since deleted) and said he was just messing around. The individual has been suspended pending investigation so they have asked me to write an official incident form to detail what has happened. I was really happy they had taken it seriously.
My friend has been round this afternoon and I was telling her and she was flabbergasted that I have made such a big deal and told me I should withdraw my complaint as someone could lose there job and it was my fault for being in my Garden with hardly any clothes on. She said I obviously want to feel like a victim.
I’m really upset now. I in no way want to feel a victim however I feel the man in question behaved in at least an unprofessional way and should be held accountable for his actions.

Am I being unreasonable to continue with my complaint?

OP posts:
PuddingBawl · 22/05/2018 15:04

Not unreasonable

Florene · 22/05/2018 15:05

No you are not.

Lemonyknickers · 22/05/2018 15:07

Nope YADNBU. He actually took a photo, yuk,

pippistrelle · 22/05/2018 15:08

Well, it's not really a case of you continuing your complaint now, perhaps more a case that his employers don't want someone who thinks that behaviour is okay to be working for them.

Your friend doesn't sound great though.

Trinity66 · 22/05/2018 15:08

Continue with it, your friend sounds like a dick.

Lethaldrizzle · 22/05/2018 15:08

Was it the guy from save the children?! Who knew charities were full of such pervs. No yanbu

Emma198 · 22/05/2018 15:09

You're being perfectly reasonable. Fancy him behaving like that, especially when he's at work. What an arsehole.

rosesandflowers · 22/05/2018 15:10

You did the right thing. Inexcusable and cruel behaviour from the man. And I imagine this is at his workplace too? Shock
And I'd say drop the friend - what an abhorrent attitude!

fearfultrill · 22/05/2018 15:11

You are definitely not being unreasonable for pushing forward with the complaint.

However, I can't imagine a situation where I would go into my garden which can be seen by others with only my knickers on the bottom, unless it was a life threatening situation or my kids were in danger of being injured.

SayNoToCarrots · 22/05/2018 15:12

Oh yeah, your fault for being in your knickers. He obviously accidentally got his phone out, took photos and whistled for your attention, because how was he to know no-one would appreciate that.

newdaylight · 22/05/2018 15:13

100% not an overreaction

12Etudes · 22/05/2018 15:14

He took photos?? YADNBU here. If he loses his job, that’s on him.

mummyhaschangedhername · 22/05/2018 15:15

You are not overreacting! Well done you for standing up for yourself and I am glad the company is taking it seriously. It does not look good on ten company having an employee behave in that sort of manner. Your friend is an ass.

Slapbetcommissioner · 22/05/2018 15:15

Not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.
Your clothes are not to blame for a man's actions.
I hope he does lose his job.
You were 100% right.
Flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/05/2018 15:16

You 100% did NOT over-react and your friend is an utter arse.

HushabyeMountainGoat · 22/05/2018 15:17

No, you haven't overreacted. He has brought the charity into disrepute and should face the consequences. Bad enough if he had been having a sneaky gawp but to whistle and make you look up was just idiotic.

littleneepo · 22/05/2018 15:17

You should absolutely continue your complaint! To take a photo and whistle is horrible, and it’s the charity’s decision about what to do about it.. all you did was raise it with them. They obv agree it was a foul thing to do.
You can do whatever you like in your garden, you thought that it was your private space
Your friend doesn’t sound very supportive of you though...

Snipples · 22/05/2018 15:18

Def not being unreasonable. This guy took it way too far. He could've taken a pic and not whistled and you'd be none the wiser (still not ok obvs) but he wanted you to know he'd done that. I think you're totally justified in making a complaint. Your friend sounds like a dick and I wonder how they'd feel if a total stranger took pics of them.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/05/2018 15:18

oh and DEFINITELY continue with your complaint otherwise he'll laugh it off and do it again!
He needs to learn that his behaviour was despicable and wrong. You were in the supposed privacy of your own garden and he violated your privacy. Good job you're not famous or your photo would have gone viral in about 10 seconds flat!
No, this behaviour NEEDS to be challenged and NEEDS to e stopped.

pickleface · 22/05/2018 15:19

I'd lose my fucking shit! Complain like mad!

Murane · 22/05/2018 15:21

YANBU. I'd be asking them to nail or lock the windows shut, as frosting them for privacy is no good if people can look out.

KatnissMellark · 22/05/2018 15:21

FGS does your friend think that women who are raped when wearing a short skirt are asking for it too? What an idiot. YANBU. I hope he does get fired. Arsehole.

itallhappensforareason · 22/05/2018 15:22

Absolutely continue with your complaint. I wouldn't be in my garden in my knickers at any point even if I considered it completely private, BUT that doesn't give someone the right to take photographs of you, especially whilst on your own property. He acted in a disgusting manner and if he loses his job over it then it's his own fault - he should know that what he did was wrong.

Ivorbig1 · 22/05/2018 15:22

Definitely not bu.
Your friend is minimising pervy behaviour.

Jamboree05 · 22/05/2018 15:22

YADDDDNBU

Oh. And dump your friend. What a twat.